Dating a guy you’re considering for marriage? Or perhaps you’re engaged? I receive countless emails all the time from single women asking me if they should marry the guy they’re dating. So I decided to come up with a quick and biblical reference guide to help you out with this very important decision. (And if you’re already married and you’re a mama reading this, try to use this guide as a filter for raising up Godly men and women.)
10 Very Good Reasons Not to Marry the Guy
1. Jesus Christ is not his Lord and Savior. It’s not good enough for him to just believe in God because even the demons believe in Him.
You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. James 2:19 (NLT)
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? (2 Cor. 6:14)
Read the 8 Earmarks of a Christian Husband to know more of what to look for in a guy.
2. He has a different faith than you. Are you willing to compromise your biblical beliefs for the rest of your life? When raising your children? Which church/faith will you attend and take your children to? The one with his beliefs or yours? Compromise is great in marriage and it’s always needed but this is one area of your life where you wouldn’t want to compromise. Differing faiths between the two of you can cause an extreme amount of contention in your future marriage.
“And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. Mark 3:25
3. He doesn’t work and he’s not actively looking to get a job. He’s content to have you pay his way.
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8
4. He wants to compromise your purity. Make no mistake about the difference between the two of you fighting your sexual temptations and him compromising your purity. One is a battle that you both will most likely face until your wedding day and the other is him pushing and pressuring you to give in to his sexual advances. If he’s willing to compromise his walk with Christ in this area of his life, he’ll compromise it elsewhere.
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Eph. 5:1-3
5. He has anger issues which he doesn’t have under control. This sin can usually lead to physical and/or verbal abuse.
“Be angry, and do not sin” Eph. 4:26
6. He’s attached to his mother’s (or father’s) apron strings. In other words, he’s a mama’s boy who’ll put mama’s wishes and needs before yours. This will be a huge issue if you marry him because his allegiance and loyalty will be to his mom and not you. He’ll defend her before he’ll defend you or he’ll make excuses for her actions. The Bible says to leave and cleave. (KJV) This is not just a physical command, but an emotional one as well. His loyalty needs to be to you, first, and all others, second.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (NKJV)
7. There’s an addiction in his life he’s not looking to get rid of it. Alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, etc. He’s fine not getting help and he’s not looking to have the chains of bondage broken. His addiction has become his god and he’s allowing this pleasure to govern his life.
For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 1 John 2:16
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2
8. He places himself first. Examples of this would be his money, his career, his sports team, his outer appearance, etc. Basically, he’s got an idol in his life and it’s not Jesus Christ.
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. “This is the first and great commandment. Matt. 22:37,38
9. He’s not repentant when he sins. He shows no remorse for his actions and he doesn’t take responsibility for the wrong he’s committed. He shifts the blame to either you or to others.
Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. Prov. 13:10
10. He says he’s a Believer but he doesn’t act like one.
For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 2 Tim. 3:2-5
Let’s add one more for good measure.
11. You don’t respect him. If you don’t respect him before you walk down the aisle, you certainly won’t respect him once you’re married. Respecting your guy is a BIG deal because once you’re married, you are commanded by God to respect your husband til death do you part!
And the wife must respect her husband. Eph. 5:33 (NLT)
If you sense that something is not right with your guy/relationship but you can’t put your finger on it, this, my friend, is the Holy Spirit speaking to you. Heed this warning!
If you’re dating a guy who is on this list, then run for the hills my sweet sister! Settling for just any guy because you want to get married will bring you more heartache in the future. God’s got someone much better in mind for His precious daughter. Don’t compromise your walk with Jesus Christ just so you can walk down the aisle.
Of course there is no such thing as the ‘Perfect Guy’ since everyone falls short and sins. (Romans 3:23) But use discernment and filter this very important decision through the Word of God. Use the Bible as your guide, not your feelings.
Live a poured out life for Christ,