She and I spent many afternoons sitting across the table chatting about all things related to Jesus and womanhood. And then one day I heard about him. As the calendar pages turned, it wasn’t long before I got the news she was engaged.
Soon the two of us chatting turned to the four of us. Me and my guy with her and her guy. Now we’ve spent many months with the two of them sitting on our couch discussing all things related to marriage.
It’s not much longer before she becomes his wife. And just the other night when the two of them left our home, I couldn’t help but want to whisper more marital advice into your heart.
So little lamb, if you’re reading this, it’s a letter to you (and all of the other engaged, newly-wedded, or wives of many years who are reading this.)
1.Happily Ever After isn’t that hard. I know, I know, this statement is so contrary to what the world (and even to what some of those in the church would say.) But, in John 16:33, Jesus said life would be filled with trials. So, in essence life is hard, but you and your man have an intimate and personal relationship with the Creator of Marriage. When you seek to surrender your will to do marriage God’s way, you’ll be surprised by how much joy, peace, love, and fulfillment marriage will bring.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. Ecc. 4:9
2.Stir up love.
Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “Do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.” But once you’re married, stir up that love! Sure, during those early months, the sexual passion is effortless. But don’t let the busyness, demands of life, or the hurt feelings snuff out your passion. A time will come when hard seasons will sweep into your marriage, but in those stormy seasons (and the mundane ones), stir up love. Keep flirting with one another and be sexy with your guy. Even when the years go by, don’t lose the sexy side to wifehood. You need it and so does he. God made sex to be a great thing for the married couple. Enjoy the journey of knowing each other.
3.Forgive one another, often and always.
The two of you will let each other down. This is par for the course for two sinners. Ask for forgiveness and seek reconciliation and then move on.
4.Learn when to speak up and when to hold your tongue
Tell him what’s on your heart (because he can’t read your mind,) but when you speak, do so with kindness and humility. Other times, quietly listen to his heart and support his leadership.
5.Keep your expectations in check. Make sure you don’t expect him to worship you and meet all your needs. A husband is called to love his wife, not worship her. And he’s not designed to meet all your needs. This position is only reserved for Jesus Christ. So run to your Savior, first.
6.Don’t let the little things become big things in your marriage. It’s a waste of time and emotional energy. Spend your time building your marriage up instead of tearing it down.
The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Prov. 14:1
7.Let things go and do so quickly. Grudges have no part in a Christ-centered marriage. But if the wounds go deep, know that there is no marital problem too big that Jesus Christ can’t redeem.
8.Develop a grateful attitude about your guy.
Sure, he’s not perfect but neither are you. Keep an attitude of gratitude at the forefront of your mind as the years go by. Marriage is a gift from God, so be thankful for your gift!
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Gen. 2:18
9.Pray. Satan wants to destroy your marital union and he’ll use whatever means possible. So pray daily to be the kind of wife God wants you to be and pray for your man.
10. Be a safe place for him. Accept him as he grows, stumbles, falls, and gets back up.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. Prov. 31:11
11. Fight the battles of life with him rather than fight against him. The two of you are becoming one flesh, therefore, you’re allies in this battle called life. Never view him as the enemy when the hard seasons come because you’ll need to lean on each other. Stormy seasons are meant to strengthen your marriage, not sever it.
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Eccl. 4:12
12.Don’t expect your guy to be or act like your dad. He’s not. Your guy should be your best friend and your lover.
13.Be his lover, not his mother. He’s already got a mom, (and the Holy Spirit). What he wants is you- all of you! 🙂
As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. Prov. 5:19
14.Assume the best in one another. He loves you and you love him. When the miscommunication takes place, have the mindset that the two of you are not trying to intentionally hurt the other.
15.Choose to respect him. This is his native language of feeling loved and he needs this from you.
16.Don’t run to your mama or your family when he hurts your feelings. Your family will always side with you. And when things blow over between you and your man, you’ll forget what happened, but your family may not.
17.Keep wifehood a priority. Before family, friends, outside pursuits, and yes, even before the kiddos when they come on the scene.
18. Find the good in him. The easier path is to be critical of him; to look at his short-comings instead of his strengths. But the path of a Christ-centered wife is to look at him through the lenses of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
19.Build a Christ-centered marriage. God has given you free will, therefore you have the choice in what kind of marriage you’d like to build. So the question is…
Will it be Christ-centered?
Child-centered (when the kids come?)
Invest in a marriage that will honor Christ, one filled with love, grace, kindness, respect, and support.
When your marital blueprint comes straight out of the Marriage Manual- the Bible, your marriage will naturally reflect Jesus. This is the most fulfilling, thriving, rewarding and God-honoring marriage to have.
If you cultivate the things above for the rest of your life, you might be surprised to find that your Happily Ever After isn’t as hard as you thought.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
How important is your marriage to you? Do you just want to survive in it or do you want your marriage to thrive? If you’ve said yes to having a thriving marriage, then join me for some mentoring in your marriage!