Did you ever view your husband as your Knight in Shining Armor? A man you once had great respect and honor for? Maybe in the early years of your relationship you thought very highly of him? But then the hard times of life have caused you to view your man quite differently than you once did? Perhaps now the shine and luster in that armor of his is gone and it’s been replaced by some rust and dents? Where did your dreamy man go? And how do you go on respecting a man you no longer respect?
I believe this is a post many wives have been waiting to read, at least that’s what my email inbox tells me! I have often shared about protecting your marriage from bitterness growing in your heart because if you don’t, you’ll run the risk of losing respect for your man. Well, this is where some of you are today. The respect for him has gone straight out the window and you don’t know how to get it back.
A wife can lose respect for her husband for a number of reasons:
He’s made poor business decisions.
He’s made unwise choices with the finances.
He’s not a good father, he’s harsh with the kids or he’s distant towards them.
He’s a lazy worker.
His character leaves a lot to be desired.
He’s dabbled into pornography or he’s had a physical or an emotional affair.
He’s rude and insensitive towards you and the last thing you feel from him is his love.
Your man has fallen down in your eyes. Quite possibly he has screwed up one too many times throughout your marriage and let’s just say respecting him is not on the top of your to-do list.
Well, today I’m going to address how to recapture the respect you once held for your man.
5 Ways to Recapture Respect for Your Husband
- Be mindful of your own sins, shortcomings, and failures. (This is imperative, wife!) When you look at life through this lens, it will be easier for you to let go of your husband’s past mistakes. But if you keep condemning him, even if it is just in your heart, then don’t expect to have a great marriage because one of the key components to having a great marriage is extending respect to your husband. Without your man receiving your respect, it makes his role of loving you, oh so difficult!
- Be forgiving and gracious towards him.
- Extend him your compassion and mercy.
- Find at least 5 things you respect about him, even if it’s as simple as him taking a shower and smelling nice! Let him know you respect XYZ about him and continue to affirm him in those areas. Verbally tell him these things and write them down too. Leave little post-it notes around the home or stick them in his lunch. Place one on the bathroom mirror or better yet, write it in lipstick. I’ve been known to do this, of course with a shade that’s not my favorite! This will help him to feel your respect and it will help you to dwell on the good in your man. Now here comes the reward….if you continually do things like this, your man will start to blossom and he’ll move closer towards you. He’ll start to feel safe around you and he’ll become more attentive towards you.
- Become the wife that God desires you to be….
And let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33
God doesn’t make you respect your husband, by the way. He’s given you free will to make this decision. However let me insert a word of caution in here: God does know what is best for us, after all, He is the Creator of the Universe! He knows what you need for your soul and He knows what your husband needs from you in order for your marriage to grow stronger.
Now, I don’t know about you, friend, but I want to do the will of my Father. I want to follow and obey Christ all the days of my life. And one of the things that I signed up for when I embraced my calling as a Godly wife, was to be a submissive and respectful wife. Of course this is not an easy thing to do, but goodness, I have yet to find anything easy about living a Christ-centered life, except for maybe worshiping the Lord, and quite frankly there are times when my soul has hurt too much to do even this.
Just for fun, let me give you a simple reminder of how difficult it is to do some of the things the Lord asks of us:
Love your enemy. Nope, not easy.
Bless those who persecute you. Nope, not easy.
Do all things without grumbling and complaining. Nope, not easy.
Keep our tongues from speaking evil. Nope, not easy.
Forgive those who have hurt us. Not one ounce of this statement is easy!
I realize that there are women reading this that would like to add respecting their husbands to the above list, but let me share a little secret with you…
When you become critical and condemning of your husband, what’s essentially happening in your mind is that you’re breaking down the respect you once had for him. You hold the keys to whether you’ll continue respecting your husband or not. A woman’s mind is a funny thing. And the Enemy knows this! He uses his tricks and subtle lies to tear down your viewpoint of your man. Don’t let the Enemy rob you of your beautiful marriage!
Now here’s my challenge for you today. If all you can see is rust and dents on your man’s armor, then you become the one to make that armor shiny again! Polish your man up by your encouraging words and actions. When you do this, your heart towards him will start to grow softer and the respect you once had for him will start to develop again.
Dear friend, can you think of any other ways to recapture respect for your man? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Need some encouragement and guidance in your marriage? Grab my latest book, Wives of the Bible: 25 Easy Lessons You Can Learn from these Imperfect Women that Will Radically Transform Your Marriage.