For almost 19 years, I’ve been having a love affair with two men. Jesus Christ, the Son of Man and my husband, Eric. I can’t quite comprehend how a woman like me could receive such extravagant love when I’m so undeserving.
After all, I struggled with my identity for years, and as a result, my insecurities ran high. I didn’t know who I was and I felt rejected by others all the time.
But before I started dating Eric, I learned how much I was valued and loved by Jesus. As I kept reading my Bible, I saw how Christ poured out His love on me unconditionally. It was odd and unusual. I wasn’t used to that kind of love. I felt so unworthy of it. Still do.
Ever since I was a new believer, I would write out my prayers in a journal. Really, it’s more of me just talking with Jesus and sharing my heart with Him. In almost every journal entry, you’d find my scribbled words of thanking Christ for loving me and accepting me.
“He found (her) in a desert land and in the wasteland, a howling wilderness; He encircled (her), He instructed (her), He kept (her) as the apple of His eye. Deut. 32:10 (emphasis added)
It didn’t take me long to figure out that my identity was found in Christ. And that’s where my worth was as well.
Establishing this viewpoint in my marriage has allowed me to have a strong and sure foundation as a woman of God. I’m not defined by being Eric’s wife. I’m defined by being God’s daughter. This truth has allowed me to see my value and worth through my Maker’s eyes, not my husband’s. Because of this, I have learned what kind of treatment I’ll accept or reject from Eric.
And being that I’m God’s daughter, I want to be a wife who represents her King. So naturally, I turned to the Bible for direction.
As a new believer, when I came across the passage of the Proverbs 31 woman, I was intrigued by what I read. What this woman did and who she was, was counter-culture. What caught my eye about her the most was the following portion of scripture:
But a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30 The Amplified Bible
Of course, I wanted to be a woman who feared the Lord, but then I read there was a blessing tied to my act of worship and devotion. The Bible said I’d be praised!
You mean I just follow Jesus and love Him, like I already do, and I’ll be praised?
That seems so one-sided.
Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind. I remember having a hard time with this concept because it seemed so selfish. Obviously, if my heart motive was simply to be praised, then my focus was on me being worshiped and not me worshiping Jesus.
So there I was with Jesus holding my left hand and Eric holding my right hand. Going through life with both of them. Day in and day out. I started to grow spiritually, and over time my spiritual roots were growing deeper and deeper.
The number one motive driving my heart was to please my Savior and to become more Christ-like, which resulted in Eric reaping the benefits of my godly actions and attitudes. And because I felt accepted and loved by Jesus, my heart was full. Therefore, I was capable of accepting Eric, shortcomings and all.
Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. Romans 15:7
- Know your worth in Christ. This will give you the spiritual and emotional strength to handle the times when your husband hurts your feelings and disappoints you. Your guy is a man, not the Messiah.
- Keep Christ as your first love and your husband as your second. No husband, no matter how godly he is, can meet all of your emotional needs. He just can’t because this position is reserved for only Jesus.
- Keep this perspective: When your actions and attitudes are Christ-like, your worth is far above rubies. Any husband would cherish a wife who has a gracious, loving, and forgiving spirit toward her guy!
- Start accepting your husband today. A man knows when his wife doesn’t accept him. It’s not that hard to detect. If you want him to accept you, then step up your game and start building your marriage instead of tearing it down.
Still don’t feel like you can accept your guy? Ask the Lord to help you!
And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)
Dear Lord, give me a new heart for my husband. Put a new spirit in me. Take out my stony, stubborn heart and give me a tender and responsive heart for my husband. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen
A husband is drawn to a wife who finds her identity in Christ because she exudes strength and dignity rather than weakness and fear.
Other posts in this series:
Live a poured out life for Christ,