It would have never crossed my mind as a young bride so many years ago that I held the keys to my happily ever after. I had no idea that a wife sets the tone for her marriage! Of course, I heard the popular saying, “Mom sets the tone of the home.” But it never dawned on me that it is the wife’s actions and attitudes that will either build up or tear down her marriage. Thus, setting the tone for her marriage.
But, before I share more about this concept, let me remind you of who this series isn’t for. A marriage filled with the following destructive behaviors: adultery, addictions, or physical abuse.
Or maybe you feel you’ve got a guy who’s a narcissist? A full-blown self-centered man? Maybe he’s a modern-day Nabal? The Hebrew meaning of Nabal is fool. In Samuel 25:3 the Bible says, Nabal was harsh and evil in his doings. His servants said this about him, “For he is such a scoundrel that one cannot speak to him.” Samuel 25:17 There’s a good chance that if you’re married to such a man, that he’s not interested in responding to you in a loving way, let alone cherishing you! He’s not capable because he’s too self-centered.
This man would be a non-believer who is not willing to surrender his life to Jesus. He’s living solely for himself. However, can an unbelieving husband still cherish his wife? Yes, because not all unbelieving husbands are like Nabal. Most husbands want to make their wife happy. You know the say, “Happy Wife, Happy Life!”
Now, I can already hear you asking me about the believing husbands that act like Nabal….
Well, here are my thoughts on that.
If your husband professes to be a follower of Christ and he shows absolutely no desire to love and cherish you, then I would question whether or not if he is truly saved. Maybe he’s made a proclamation of salvation, but he hasn’t grown much? Well, why hasn’t he grown in the Lord? Does he give the excuse that he’s too busy? Not interested in what the Bible has to say? The Bible says you’ll know them by their fruits.
A husband who professes to be a Christian should be a husband who is trying to love his wife based on his command from scripture:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Eph. 5:25
But before you move your guy over into the unsaved category, consider the following:
- Perhaps your guy is trying to love you, but he doesn’t know how?
- Or he’s not loving you the way you think he should? Ouch!
Whatever the spiritual state your husband is in, my encouragement to you would be to still go through this challenge because you are a Christ-follower. Your heart should want to please the Lord regardless of what your husband does or doesn’t do.
Now that I’ve shared all of the above, I’m going to assume you’ve got yourself a good guy. And there’s a high probability that he truly does want to make you happy.
I think God has hardwired in our men a desire to make us feel loved. Personally, I think it goes back to when God saw that Adam was alone and then He made Eve for him.
But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. (Genesis 2:18).
Then we read in scripture the following:
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:10 ESV
Girlfriend, you get to determine the type of wife you’re going to be. Our actions and attitudes should not be determined by how our husbands are treating us. We should be women of godly character and virtues in spite of our guy. Thus, if you are a godly wife, treating your husband the way God would have you treat him, don’t you think your husband would start to value and cherish you? Of course, he would!
If you show your husband kindness and grace, there is a good chance he’d reciprocate that. But if you’re demanding, manipulative, disrespectful, giving him the cold shoulder, or withholding sex, then you should probably expect your husband to be less than loving toward you.
If you showed him love, respect, admiration, don’t you think he would try to make you feel adored and loved? Yes, there’s a good chance he would!
But does he know how to show you those things? Our men are not mind readers! That’s where you come in and tell him what makes you feel loved by him. Don’t make him keep guessing. We are a complicated gender with all of our emotions, and we change our minds on a
daily hourly basis.
This is your marriage. Set the tone of love and affection toward your guy.
Pick and choose just one # below that best fits your relationship and implement it today.
- Send your husband a text and let him know you’re thankful he asked you to be his wife.
- Thank him for working so hard for you and the kids.
- Plan an impromptu dinner or dessert date.
- Write him a note and tell him it’s great being married to him.
- If possible, either make his favorite dinner or dessert. Or pick up his favorite food and bring it home. Or have him pick his favorite restaurant and go there for dinner.
- Initiate physical intimacy.
- Let him know you’re praying for him today.
- Tell him you’re thankful for the man he is.
- Pay him a compliment. Let him know you think he looks nice in his suit. Or you think he’s handsome or hot! 🙂
- If you happen to be at odds with your husband today, be the first one to apologize.
The wife sets the tone for her marriage. If you want a loving and attentive husband, then be a loving and attentive wife.
See you tomorrow for Day 4!
Other posts in this series:
Live a poured out life for Christ,