Yesterday, I shared a great deal about our femininity and how it plays out in marriage. Which brings us to today, and how our femininity could inspire our husbands.
When you bring in your feminine side, you’ll start to see your guy doing chivalrous and romantic things for you. He really does want to make you happy and be your hero.
Think about it. Would any man be drawn to a woman who makes him feel he needs to defend himself from her constant criticism and disapproval? Of course not.
When your man met you he was probably drawn to the way you looked and how you acted toward him. In fact, these things made such an impact on him he couldn’t help but fall in love with you!
Most likely you did a number of the following:
- Accepted him.
- Encouraged him.
- Believed in him.
- Supported him.
- Stood by him.
- Cheered him on.
- Hung on his every word.
- Had a grateful attitude instead of an entitled one.
- Showed interest in what he was interested in.
- You were vulnerable.
- Fun-loving and easy-going.
I know I did all of these things and more. I even made time to make him a priority in my life and I wore my hair the way he liked and I dressed to please him. Imagine that.
I captured Eric’s heart 19 years ago and I want to capture his heart today, and 19 years from now!
But now there are kids, and more responsibilities, and life is hard, and he’s hurt my feelings, and that spark I once had for him isn’t as strong as it once was, etc.
So somehow we either stop acting like the women we once were because we’ve neglected our marital relationship, or we justify our changed behavior due to how our husbands are responding to our changed behavior.
But, God calls us to be our husbands’ helper. So in our minds, we think this means we need to fix him, or control him, or teach him how to do life because we don’t feel he’ll handle things as well as we would. We might even wonder how our men got through life before we came along!
It would be oh, so easy for me to take on the role of being Eric’s Spiritual Life Coach, his Husband Coach, his Health Coach, and his Father Coach telling him all the things he needs to do and how to do it.
However, my guy hasn’t asked me to take on any of these roles. And if I assumed any of these positions without his permission, my opinion would not matter to him one bit and he’d buck me at every turn! And since I don’t want my husband to run from me whenever I show up on the scene, I take a different approach with him.
Instead, I seek to treat him how I treated him when we were dating. Like his girlfriend. 🙂
But this means I need to do a few things first, like the following:
- Let go of control.
- Stop nursing a grudge, if I have one.
- Start being vulnerable again. Like how I was when I was dating him! 🙂
But sometimes the above isn’t so easy to do. When I find that I’m struggling to do any of the above, I ask myself why.
- Is it because I’m fearful?
- Or is it because I’m prideful?
Once I figure out the answer, I go to my husband and tell him my struggle. Yes, this means I’m showing him the softer side of me. I’m showing him vulnerability and a form of humility. I want my husband to hear my heart and know how I’m feeling. This allows him to consider my feelings and it inspires him to step forward and lead, protect, and love me. All things I want from him!
When my heart motive is to inspire and encourage my husband rather than act like his mother, or his coach, or his Holy Spirit, my husband will respond with a positive reaction toward me instead of a negative one.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. Prov. 31:26
Find some ways to inspire and encourage your husband with your words. Here are some examples of what I say to Eric:
- You’re such a great dad. I love how you took the time to tie Noah’s tie for his interview.
- I love the way you love me and care for me.
- Thank you for taking me out to dinner. I feel like a cherished wife because of it. You’re such a great husband!
- I feel so protected by you.
- Thank you for killing that spider. You’re my hero! 🙂
- I appreciate it when you make the effort to drive slower for me. You make me feel safe. I got to practice this one last night with my speed racer husband!
And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works. Hebrews 10:24 NKJV
and again in the New Living Translation…
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Hebrews 10:24
Treat your husband the way you want to be treated.
See you tomorrow for Day 7.
Other posts in this series:
Live a poured out life for Christ,