How do I trust my husband overseas? He’s in the armed forces. I feel tricked into thinking he was a strong man of God, we got married, now he’s over there and not acting like the man of God he led me to believe he would be for me. He changed his facebook password. I have also found out that he said bad things about me and he keeps secrets from me.
I’m having a hard time trusting him and don’t know how to get through this. It’s very hard, and we still have 3-4 months left in the deployment.
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The Show’s Transcripts
Eric: Let me just answer this real quick and then I’ll let Jolene expound on it. “How do I trust him?” You don’t. He’s not trustworthy.
Jolene: Right. Your guy sounds like he is living a carnal life right now and that he has some bondage to sin. Unfortunately, he’s proven that he is untrustworthy and you can’t change that reality. This reader wrote that her guy is a follower of Christ, but his actions are saying otherwise. In this situation, you will need to wait until he comes home before confronting him. He did profess to being a godly man so this is kind of like he’s pulling the wool over your head. However, you can’t confront him while he is away. You have to trust the Lord. And when he gets home, don’t bash him over the head when he first walks in the door and I wouldn’t come out with boxing gloves on, but you’ll have to have a heart to heart talk with him about this. You need to come in as a kind, gracious, loving wife. So if he is repentant, you can restore the marriage.
Jolene: Ask him what is going on. Does he want to change? Does he want to improve the marriage? If he’s not looking to change, you can’t change him. The only thing that you can do is pray for his heart to soften towards the Lord and to soften towards you. But I certainly would not sweep any of this under the rug, because your heart will grow bitter – if it’s not already there. When a man does these things, there’s a reason why he wants to remain in sin: It’s because he’s selfish. We are all selfish. If we could sin everyday and get away with it, we would. But when we draw closer to the Lord and closer to the Light, we don’t want to be anywhere near sin. With your guy, he is drawn to his sin because he is not being drawn to Christ. You, as his wife, can try to draw him towards Christ. I realize that he is saved, but just because somebody is saved, that doesn’t mean that they are walking in the light. 1 John 1:7 says, “But if we walk in the light as he (Jesus) is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.” You want him to walk in the light and the way that a wife does that is by praying for her husband and being a godly influence. So, have that heart to heart when he comes back, but in the meantime, when he is away, you just have to trust that God has His hand upon you and your marriage. What you are really doing is surrendering your marriage and your man to the Lord. Pray that the chains of the enemy will be broken.
Eric: How hard it must be when he’s not there, he’s overseas, so who knows what he is doing? The bottom line is that she has got to draw up close to the Lord and rely on Him because she has no other place to go.
Jolene: Yes. I think of the scripture that talks about heaping burning coals of kindness upon his head. I think I would just write him letters every day saying that you’re praying for him and put some scripture in there. I don’t mean scripture of repentance, but anytime you write scripture for someone, it is going to make an impact. The Bible says that the word of God does not return void. If your guy is a true believer, scripture will convict him. You don’t have to say a word, you don’t even have to confront him about the whole Facebook thing or passwords or any of that. You just have to send some scriptures, tell him you’ve been praying for him, that both of you can draw closer to the Lord while you are apart from one another, and that he will be surrounded by some strong Christian men.
Until he comes home, instead of fretting over what he is doing wrong, ask yourself how, as a Christian wife, you can just pour the love of Christ into him? He is struggling. Try that approach and see what it does. When he does come home, hopefully he’ll come back with a repentant heart, but at some point, you will have to discuss all this, but not until he comes home.
Eric: Also remember that there is nothing godly about trusting someone who is untrustworthy. The Bible talks about being wise as serpents but harmless as doves.
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