Today I am guest posting over at the Time-Warp Wife. I’ll be writing on, “Who Is On the Throne in Your Marriage?” I hope you stop by and join me!
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Discontentment in Your Marriage
October 6, 2011 by Leave a Comment
Have you ever been disappointed by your husband? Hurt by his actions? Felt angry or unloved by him? If you’ve been married for longer than a day then I am sure the feeling of discontentment has occurred in your marriage!
Marriages are far from perfect. Combine a man and wife- two sinners. Mix in a cup of misunderstandings, raising kids, dealing with in-laws and facing trials. Stir in a heaping of heartache. Then add the Enemy. What do you get? A tough marriage frosted with discontentment.
There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Look at Adam and Eve before sin even entered into the world. As I stated in my last post titled, Dealing with Discontentment, Eve was discontent when she ate the forbidden fruit. Imagine what their life was like after they got kicked out of the garden? They were going to have some serious marital issues!
Then there’s Job’s wife who had everything a woman could ever want. A righteous man. A family. Wealth. Health. Reputation.
But then Mr. and Mrs. Job lost it all it.
So, how did the sweet and loving wife respond to her husband as he was clinging to the Lord in the midst of all the sorrow upon sorrow?
Did she pray with him or for him? No!
Did she encourage him? No!
Did she comfort him? No!
Did she do her best to build him up? No!
Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” Job 2:9
Job’s wife was certainly discontent with the way her life was turning out and unfortunately, she took it out on her husband.
As wives, we can easily become discontent with so many things about our husbands. Here’s a short list and I am sure you could add to it!
· How much time he spends at work (or doesn’t work).
· How much money he makes.
· How much time he spends with his family.
· How he spends time fostering his relationship with the Lord (or doesn’t spend).
· How he spiritually leads (or doesn’t lead) the family.
· How he parents the children.
· How he spends his free time.
· How he spends or saves money.
· How he handles outside relationships (with in-laws or friends.)
· How he treats you.
When your marriage is not all that you hoped it to be, it is easy for discontentment to seep into your thoughts, actions and attitudes as you go through life. Be careful here because these thoughts can grow so fast and so deep that suddenly the roots can take hold and destroy your marriage.
Don’t look to your husband to be Superman, that’s Jesus’ role.
Our men are human beings; imperfect sinners who fall down and disappoint others. (Just like us!)
God created our husbands to have a helper (that would be you for your husband!) and our husbands need us to be their biggest cheerleaders, ESPECIALLY when they have fallen. They need to know that we will be by their side cheering them on and letting them know we believe in them. They need to know that we respect them and they need to know that we forgive them when they do fall.
What they do not need to hear from us is, ‘curse God and die’. Now, we may not say those exact words like Job’s wife, but our actions and words most certainly can communicate that to our husbands.
Here are some things you can put into practice to protect your marriage from discontentment.
· Change your focus from what you are not getting out of your marriage and put your eyes on the Lord.
· Ask your husband to forgive you for your discontentment towards him, because I am sure he knows how you feel!
· Confess your sins of selfishness and self-entitlement.
· Guard your tongue from complaining. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” Proverbs 31:26
· Find some ways to encourage and minister to your husband today.
Let him know you are praying for him and that you support him.
Make him one of his favorite meals.
Ask him how you can help him.
For some wives, you may just need to keep your mouth shut! A gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of God! 1 Peter 3:4 (my paraphrase)
The more you do these things, the better and stronger your marriage will become. Your repeated actions will turn to habit, which in turn will start to develop your Godly character, which will ultimately make a great impact on your marriage. “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.” 2 Peter 1:5-7
Our words to our men can either build them up or tear them down. The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1
Dwelling on what one does not have, will not create contentment. Instead, dwell on the good that you do have in your man.
Here’s one last thing that you can do to ward off discontentment in your marriage:
Look at your husband through eye wear glasses that have lenses that are tinted with graciousness.
Here’s what the ‘gracious’ lenses look like:
Life is not perfect. My husband is not perfect. I am not perfect. But CHRIST is!
You will find contentment in your marriage when you look to Christ and not at your husband’s shortcomings.
Were you encouraged by what you read? Become a ‘friend’ or subscribe to The Alabaster Jar where future posts will be emailed directly to you.
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Marriage Challenge
October 1, 2011 by 1 Comment
Need some encouragement or guidance in your marriage? Join the Time-Warp Wife for her, “31 Days of Love” Marriage Challenge. It starts today and runs until the end of October!
Bringing a Gift of Love is the first post of this series, written by the Time-Warp Wife, herself!
Look for my post, Who’s On the Throne in Your Marriage? during this series. It will be featured next Saturday, October 8th.
Dealing with Discontentment
September 29, 2011 by Leave a Comment
Today I was in the process of grabbing food from my refrigerator so I could make lunch for my family. Sounds like an ordinary afternoon, right? However, my refrigerator is not in my house but in my friends’ garage. I quickly became distracted by all the stuff that was surrounding me and unfortunately, I immediately became discontent with my situation.
For those of you that are new to The Alabaster Jar, my family and I don’t have a place to call our own yet. We are currently living with close family friends. All of our belongings (earthly possessions) are piled up in our friends’ garage, and yes, that does include my underwear! You can read more of my story here at: How to Lose Your Dream Home Not Just Once, But Twice
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| My dresser filled with my clothes. |
There are many things in my life today that can cause me to be discontent, especially if I look in the mirror and see my thinning hair, my extra, unwanted pounds and the wrinkles on my face. Oh, and I can’t forget those natural highlights called ‘gray hair’. But the discontentment that I faced today included my living situation.
It is very easy in this world to live a discontented life if we allow our minds to go there.
Here are some things that can trigger discontentment:
• Dealing with difficult or broken relationships
• Feeling lonely
• Longing to be married or strains on your marriage
• Financial hardships
• Chronic illnesses
The list could go on and on.
The list could go on and on.
With the world surrounding us, it tells us we should have:
• a bigger house
• a nicer car
• the latest fashions
• our children need to be in the best schools, (or use the best curriculum if we homeschool)
• we should look younger and be thinner
There is nothing inherently wrong with these things, unless of course we are looking for them to fulfill us; which is the root of the problem.
I think discontentment runs in our blood. Generally speaking, I personally think that women are more prone to being discontent more than men are.
For example, take a look at Adam and Eve. Adam was content to eat from all the other trees in the garden, except from the one that was forbidden by God. It was Eve who was discontent with all that was given to her. She just had to have MORE than what the Creator of the Universe provided for her!
Then there’s Sarah. Oh Sarah… what a discontented woman she was! She wasn’t happy about the fact that she still had not bore any children with Abraham. So what does she do? She takes matters into her own hands thinking of course that by doing so, she will become content. Wrong! Because of this, she makes an even bigger mess out of her life.
She had her maidservant, Hagar, sleep with her husband so she can bear children for Sarah. Soon Hagar becomes pregnant, just like Sarah had wanted, but then Sarah becomes discontent (again!) because Hagar was carrying Abraham’s child. Ridiculous! There was no pleasing this woman. She wanted to eat her cake and have it too!
We can become constant drippings… like a dripping faucet. Drip. Drip. Drip. The thought of that sound alone grates on my nerves.
Imagine how we sound when we act and say things over, and over, and over like a constant dripping faucet? Annoying! Who would want to be around a woman like that?
Repeatedly in the Holy Scriptures we see the admonition to the women about our attitudes. Ladies, if you are not married, don’t discard this admonition because you can still apply it to your lives.
“The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.” Proverbs 19:23
“A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Proverbs 27:15
Definition of contentment: satisfaction with what one has
1) a perfect condition of life in which no aid or support is needed
2) sufficiency of the necessities of life
3) a mind contented with its lot, contentment
Contentment will come to us when we focus on the things of the Lord and not on the things of this world.
“And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.” 2 Corinthians 9:8
It is only when we live for Jesus Christ, pursuing Him, knowing Him, and serving Him that will we become content. The pursuit of things that are not lasting, things that will pass away, will eventually lead to our discontentment.
Tips to fill you with contentment:
- • Pray. Ask for the Lord’s strength to protect you from the trappings and deception of the Enemy. (Remember Eve?)
- • Hide God’s Word in your heart and meditate on the Scriptures.
- • Join a Bible study
- • Listen to praise and worship music throughout the day. (if possible)
- • Spend time in fellowship with other strong women of faith…not just girlfriends, but women who desire to know more of Jesus and who want to spend their time talking about Him! If you don’t have friends like this, PRAY, and in time, the Lord will bring you some!
- • Change your perspective from having the things of this ‘world’ to having your eyes on eternity. This alone will make a HUGE impact on your day.
- • Serve the Lord rather than yourself.
- • Ask yourself what is it that you pursue? What are your priorities? Will those things draw you closer to Jesus? Or will you be drawn further away from Him and His presence?
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls. Proverbs 25:28 (I’m gonna try and not have cake tonight!)
The key to contentment in one’s life is the relationship you have with Christ. Knowing who He is as you continually seek Him and realizing who you are in Him is where content will be found! “Now godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6
For those that are married, you can read my post here called, Discontentment in Your Marriage.
Were you encouraged by what you read? Become a ‘friend’ or subscribe to The Alabaster Jar where future posts will be emailed directly to you.
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