So has your guy let you down again or hurt your feelings over the same issue you’ve addressed before? Maybe you’re at that point where you’d like to change him? Or you just can’t forgive him? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, please know you’re not alone. I get letters with these concerns from wives all the time!
Generally, when a woman writes to me I answer her questions, but in this case I’m going to ask the questions instead. I think this process will help with some very common root issues that all wives deal with.
Here are a few common emotional concerns:
- Insecure with outer appearance. (I shared about this last week.)
- How do I forgive him when it’s hard? (I’ll share about this next week.)
- Husband doesn’t consider your feelings.
Do any of these issues ring a bell in your marriage?
If so, ponder these questions:
Do you believe that God designed your husband to meet all of your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs? Or is this role designed to be filled only by your Savior? As a young believer and newly married, I thought my man was suppose to be my everything…but then over time I learned that Jesus Christ was and is the ONLY one who fills this role. This perspective alleviated an awful lot of disappointment in my marriage.
Do you believe that God made wives so we can change our husbands? Parent them? Monitor their actions? Shape them into the men we want them to be? Or do we hold a position of influence, instead? There’s a big difference between the two. Often times our culture will portray the wrong way to go about influencing our husbands, as will our feelings, and the deceitful tricks of the Enemy. (Do you know how to influence your guy rather than parent/shape him? A simple measuring stick is this: one will cause your husband to draw closer to you and the other action will push him away.)
Do you believe that your husband will never let you down in this life?
Do you believe that God can change the heart of your husband better than you can?
Sometimes we want to help our husbands see the light, walk upright, and choose the right path- a path that will ALWAYS put our feelings first and foremost, but let me ask you another question. What role does the Holy Spirit play in the life of your husband? Do you feel that you can do a better job of convicting your husband of his offenses towards you than that of the Holy Spirit?
And one last question- which is the kicker: Are you going to allow your emotions to supersede your belief in the Word of God?
I know these are ALL very tough and thought-provoking questions because I’ve asked myself these same things over the same issues! These questions can pierce any woman’s heart and thus, cause us to run closer to our Savior, which is exactly where we need to be in our marriage! 🙂
Sometimes a wife needs to run to her Savior for comfort, acceptance, and strength when faced with things that break her heart. Remember, you are Christ’s bride- first, and your husband’s-second. Sometimes we forget this order. But when we dwell on the correct order, then it’s easier for us to have a Christ-centered self worth. And when our men let us down, it’s easier for us to forgive them.
Our men aren’t perfect. They let us down. They apologize. And then they might hurt us again over the exact same issue. They are a work in progress just like we are. As a result of the Fall, they will naturally disappoint us and this disappointment should point us to our Savior.
We do our part when we share our hearts and hurts with our guys. They do their part when they apologize. Then we need to lean on the Word and not our emotions as we wait for the Lord to move in our hearts and the hearts of our men. This process will cause us to be God-dependent rather than man-dependent, thus our need for a Savior.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7
Have you experienced these common emotional issues in your marriage? How have you overcome them or are you still a work in progress? 🙂 Feel free to share your thoughts below.
Are you in need of more encouragement and guidance for your marriage? I can help you here.
Join me here next Tuesday when I share about The Forgiving Wife.
Other posts in Becoming a Christ-Centered Wife series:
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Need some guidance in your marriage? Check out the Wisdom for Wives On-line Conference!