Definition of rage: violent and uncontrolled anger
As I dug into the dictionary definition of rage, what I saw on the screen described me to a T! The screaming, yelling, cursing, throwing objects…you get the drift. When I responded to situations I did not like or when circumstances did not go my way, I became out of control with my attitude and behavior.
What I saw growing up: when conflict came, and the desired outcome did not happen, I had a parent who threw a fit (and objects!). So I mimicked the behavior I saw around me, not realizing there was a better way to resolve conflict and communicate with others.
In essence, I was a grown woman throwing a tantrum.
It didn’t take long after I became a born-again Christian for the Holy Spirit to convict me that raging at others was wrong. And so I stopped. But even though the rage was put away, the yelling was still there.
Just because someone is saved, doesn’t mean they stop sinning.
I needed a better way, a more godly way to deal with the anger that was pulsing through me, but I didn’t know how.
Where does one go to seek guidance for this rather embarrassing behavior?
Seeing how I’ve lived this, I thought I’d share what helped me put the Rage and Anger Monster in time-out.
The steps I took to walk out of my rage
1. I realized that my rage issue was a sin issue.
I could make excuses for my strong-willed personality or the way I was raised, or blame others for my outbursts and the reasons I said what I said. But just because I felt a certain way didn’t mean I had to act in an ungodly way.
2. I learned to have emotional self-control.
This character trait did not happen overnight! But it was one I was mindful of. I don’t know how many times I had to either leave the room or tell myself to keep my mouth shut.
3. I didn’t want to be known as a contentious woman.
As a new believer, I read about the Contentious Woman, and I wanted nothing to do with her. The behavior of contending and fighting with others was the old me. Now that I was a new creation in Christ, I had to get my emotions under control and stop with the negative behavior. I wanted to be a woman who was kind, gracious, and forgiving. All attributes I had to develop and embrace, even when my flesh was screaming otherwise.
4. I had to find the right kind of tools to help me in my roles.
Yelling at my child does not mean it is the best way to parent them. Just like yelling at my husband doesn’t mean I’m communicating with him well. I had to find better ways to connect to the hearts of those I loved.
Every human being deals with betrayal, disappointment, overwhelm, frustrations, injustices, and triggering situations. It’s how we handle these things that matter.
Consider:
Has responding in rage become your natural default when things don’t go your way?
Get to the heart of the matter. Ask yourself if you are trusting God with your situation.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Are you seeking wisdom for your problems?
Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God — who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly — and it will be given to him. James 1:5
Are you turning to prayer?
What helped me was journaling with Jesus. This was my time to vent to Him about all my issues, fears, and frustrations. I also sought forgiveness. By practicing this spiritual habit, I came away with greater self-awareness (and sin-awareness!). And I became calm and peaceful. Over the years, I also learned what triggered me, which I’ll share here.
