Single and dating. It’s not always easy. When you find yourself in a relationship that’s heading for marriage but then it takes a turn for the worst, you might be wondering what you should do.
Perhaps stick it out?
Convince your guy that things will get better?
Or let go and move on to something better?
This is what one woman is dealing with in her relationship.
Jolene: Oh Dyllis, my heart hurts for you because when you’ve been with a guy that long and you believe he’s the one that God has for you, and then he drops this bomb on you, that’s the last thing any woman wants to hear. Well the emptiness, well ok, I know that when the form was filled out you said that he’s a believer. I see emptiness as one of two things: either he doesn’t really truly know Jesus and he has a hole in his heart, or he has experienced what is very common for long relationships. That newness has worn off. You know you could be married for you know a year, two, three years and those butterflies aren’t there anymore. Or the last thing that you want to hear is that you and he are not to be married. And I’m gonna take that approach today because when I have a single gal write in and I see some of these concerns, my heart is to protect you at every possible length that I can.
You want him to go back to just feeling this deep love for you. You can’t force somebody to do that. You can’t make him, it doesn’t matter what you do, you can’t force someone to say “Oh, I love her now.” You know, and to get over to where their emotions are today. You have to just keep being who you are and not change in the sense of becoming a different person so that he will love you. I personally would not stay in the relationship because if he feels that way today and you’re not married, then the marriage will be an awful lot harder.
Eric: Well, for me there’s a disconnect here because she says he told me he feels no connection toward me, yet we are close. And without a connection, I don’t know that you can be that close. And I understand that maybe her feelings are a little bit different than his, but bottom line is that she wants a guy that’s committed and she wants a guy that is not going to treat her based on his feelings. Now obviously, yes, we have feelings that go high and low but bottom line is that if he’s the one he’s gonna be connected and that’s not gonna drop off.
Jolene: Right. The love that a woman needs from a man, he’s not giving to you today. And that, gosh girlfriend, I would just walk away from that relationship. I know that’s not what you wanna hear. I know you want me to give you some great pearls of insight wisdom that if you just do this or tweak that that you could, you know, capture his heart. But you’re not in a covenant. You’re not in a marriage. So there’s no…as a believer he’s not really commanded in this situation to work on his love for you.
Eric: But here’s the exciting thing though. The Lord’s saying don’t go any further with this, I’ve got something way, way better for you.
Jolene: Yes, way, way better. And, if I have a little bit of time, before I met Eric there was a young man, actually he’s the one who led me to the Lord, we had so much in common we both thought that we’d marry one another and as the relationship continued, you know, there were some things there that this isn’t quite working out, and I didn’t understand it. I’m a brand new believer and I remember saying to him that if he’s not the one, then the one’s gonna be ten times better. Not realizing that the Lord had Eric for me just right around the corner, I didn’t have that insight. And the funny thing is when Eric and I connected, I was at the office and my secretary rings my phone and says, “Oh Jolene on line one, Eric’s on the phone for you.” “Oh, ok.” You know so I grab it, and within seconds she dials up to my phone again, “Oh Jolene, so and so’s on line two for you,” and I’m like, “What?” You know, and so and so was the guy in the past that I thought the Lord had for me. And now I’m like, I need to get him off the phone. Then she rings up again, “Oh Jolene, so and so’s on line three for you!” And I’m like, “Oh my gosh what am I gonna do?” You know, thinking that the Lord has brought this one but these are from my past and how do I, how do I get rid of them? But at the time I didn’t realize that they were not what God had. You know, they had some great attributes, in them, but there was some disconnects.
Eric: So how do you get over that?
Jolene: You gotta trust in the Lord. You gotta trust in the Lord and listen to those older women that say, “Hey walk away from it today.” Walk away from it today because you…. God has a great, a GREAT man in store for you, that… Be willing to surrender this man up to the Lord. And submit to God’s plan, but don’t try to force the relationship because you don’t wanna have a guy like that. You wanna have a guy who is just head over heels in love with you. And who’s in love with Jesus so that when you do marry and the mundane comes, he’s gonna come back to his Biblical command to love you as Christ loves the Church.
Eric: And that guy is waiting right now.
Jolene: Yes! He is waiting and you know what, he could be waiting right around the corner like my beloved was for me. So my heart for you is just with open hands, just let this guy go. And I understand that you got a history with him but I don’t believe he is God’s best for you today. Something could change later but to let it go today is what is spiritually best for you.
Got a question for me? Here are the guidelines…
- Keep your message short and sweet because you only have 90 seconds to record your question.
- Please leave your name and where you’re from. If you’d like to remain anonymous, you can say you’re Sue from Oregon even though you’re really Jane from California! Yeah, I’m sly like that. I’ve got you covered, sister!
- If applicable, please let me know if your husband is a believer or not.
- Only ask one question per recording. If you have another question, please record another message.
- Rude, offensive, and snarky questions will not be addressed. They will be deleted, thank you very much!
For more podcast episodes and to subscribe to our show, you can do so here.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
How important is your marriage to you? Do you just want to survive in it or do you want your marriage to thrive? If you’ve said yes to having a thriving marriage, then join me for some mentoring in your marriage!
Sign up and get my FREE guide, 10 Guidelines for Better Communication. Plus, receive future blog posts delivered to your inbox.