Some Days I’d Rather Be Bitter
Nobody warns you that bitterness feels good at first.
It feels like justice. It feels like the only honest response to what you’ve lived through. So there are days I’d sooner reach for it than for God.
Not because I don’t know better. I do. I can quote you the bible verses. But somewhere between what I know and what I feel, there’s a monster sitting patiently, waiting for me to hand it the keys to my heart.
I’ve come through a stretch of disappointments and disheartening situations, and my feeble soul is worn thin from it. The difficulties I was dealing with last week are the same ones I’m dealing with today. Nothing about my circumstances has shifted. My discouraged, yet hopeful heart clings to Isaiah 43:19:
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
And in spite of the mess, God gives us new mercies every single morning. Apparently I have spiritual amnesia, because I keep forgetting this truth.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24
And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Romans 8:17
It’s the suffering part I don’t want to acknowledge. When I look back over these past seasons, my heart was wounded more times than I care to count. Yet it is in the land of suffering where we become more like Christ.
And so I teeter. Bitter or better.
That monster wants me to succumb to my negative emotions so it can rule in my mind. This is not a good place for me to be spiritually. I know theologically that the suffering we endure is for good, and I would be wise to banish the bitterness that wells up in my heart.
But in order to battle these negative emotions on a regular basis, I have to take every thought captive and boss my emotions around. If I don’t, my thought-life will dictate my choices and thus, my life.
We are human, but we don't wage war as humans do. We use God's mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 NLT
Maybe this season has been less than stellar for you, too.
Amidst all the struggles, broken relationships, dashed dreams, and the constant battles you face, run to the Word of God, my friend, because it is the only thing that will rescue your hurting soul.
It is in this spiritual practice that God mends your heart.
Strengthens it.
Renews it.
Transforms it.
And takes it from bitter to better.
Yes, sometimes I want to take a bath in my bitterness, but if I do, I won’t come out better. There won’t be one ounce of me that will have the sweet-smelling aroma of Jesus Christ.
Instead, I have to look for God to make a river in my dry wasteland. And so I wait expectantly for Him to show up, knowing full well He will because He always does.
Let go of the hand of bitterness and grab hold of God’s hand, which is filled with an abundance of His promises.
Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20 (The Amplified Bible)
Live it Out:
Write down the bitter thought you keep rehearsing. Next to it, write what’s actually true, meaning what the bible actually says. Then read the true one out loud. That’s what taking a thought captive looks like on a Tuesday.
Live a poured-out life for Christ,
Jolene Engle
