Beyond Doormat or Diva — Living as God’s Cherished Daughter
One woman burns every bridge in the name of independence. Another one lets people walk across her back and calls it submission. Neither one is free, and neither one reflects the daughter God designed.
Before Christ, I was firmly in the diva camp. I was independent, fierce, and utterly convinced that needing anyone, especially a man, was weakness. I was going to do life on my own terms. And I did. Right up until it all fell apart.
But here’s something I’ve noticed on the other side of the pendulum: some women, in their effort to be “good Christian women,” swing all the way to the other extreme. They become doormats. They silence their own voices, suppress their own needs, accept mistreatment with a smile, and call it submission. And then they wonder why they feel invisible and resentful.
Both extremes are lies. And God never intended either one for you.
The Diva Trap
Our culture celebrates the diva. She’s the boss babe, the girl-boss, the woman who needs no one and apologizes for nothing. And look, there is nothing wrong with a woman who is capable, confident, and strong. Those are gifts from God.
The trap is when those gifts become weapons, when strength becomes control, when independence becomes pride, and when “I don’t need anyone” becomes a wall that keeps even God out.
I know this trap intimately. I lived in it for years. And the freedom I thought I had was actually a prison. Because I was never designed to carry the weight of my own life alone. None of us were.
We were made for connection, dependence on God, and interdependence with others. The diva denies all of that, and she pays for it in loneliness and exhaustion.
The Doormat Trap
On the other side, the doormat has believed a distorted version of Christian womanhood that says her voice doesn’t matter, her needs are selfish, and any form of boundary is unbiblical.
But friend, that is not what Scripture teaches. Nowhere in the Bible does God call a woman to accept abuse, silence her own discernment, or pretend everything is fine when it isn’t. Submission, real biblical submission, not blind submission or bullied into submission, is a posture of the heart before God, not a mandate to be mistreated.
Proverbs 31 describes a woman of valor who is strong, dignified, wise, and hardworking. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction. She is not a woman who has shrunk herself down to nothing. She is a woman who knows her identity in God and moves from that place of security.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” — Proverbs 31:25
Strength and dignity. Both. Together. That’s what God has in mind for you.
The Secure Daughter
The woman God designed you to be lives right in the middle — not of two bad options, but as something entirely different from both.
She knows who she is in Christ. She doesn’t need to prove herself or push herself to the front because she already knows she is chosen, loved, and valued by the King of kings. That security frees her to be humble without being a pushover, to be strong without being harsh, to submit without being silenced.
She knows how to speak truth in love. She doesn’t weaponize her words or bottle them up until they explode. She speaks with grace and courage because she knows that her voice matters to God even when others don’t honor it.
She holds her relationships with open hands. She loves people deeply, but she doesn’t need their approval to feel secure. Her identity is anchored in Christ, not in what her husband thinks of her, or whether her friends validate her, or how many people responded to her last post.
That woman? She walks in freedom.
Friend, wherever you’ve been on that spectrum — diva, doormat, or somewhere muddled in between, there is a place of grace waiting for you. A place where God says, “This is who I made you to be. Come live here.”
Ready to Step Into Who God Made You to Be?
If any part of this resonated with you, if you’ve been living small, living loud, or just living lost somewhere in between, I want you to know: you don’t have to figure this out alone.
Here’s your next step: Sit with this one question today, “Am I living from a place of security in Christ, or am I still performing — either to prove my strength or to keep the peace?”
Be honest. God already knows, and He’s not afraid of your answer.
You are His cherished daughter. It’s time to start living like it.
Live a poured-out life for Christ,
Jolene Engle
