Why Christian Women Are Drawn to 50 Shades of Grey

I wasn’t planning on writing about 50 Shades of Grey again since I already wrote about it here.  But, with the movie coming out this Valentine’s Day, I thought I needed to write to you again since it’s the talk of the town, and sadly, many Christian women are enticed by the storyline.

Did you know that 70 million women have read the books?  Yes, and the statistic I read said that about 40% of them were Christian women.  My heart broke for them because they’re longing for something that is missing in their marriage; true intimacy.

Instead of telling you why you shouldn’t watch the movie (because you shouldn’t) I’m going to address why women are so drawn to it.  But before I do, let me give you a little of my background first…

Here’s the lo-down of my life before I got saved. I was married then divorced, then lived with another man.  I gave away my virginity at the age of 16  and I was sexually molested by a neighbor when I was under the age of 11.  I naively stepped into romance novels in my pre-teens which eventually led me to reading books that were more on the side of erotica.  I was exposed to porn and playboys.  And if that wasn’t enough, I was sexually involved with many other men.

Then my life started when I became a born-again Christian as I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in July of 1996.

Less than 2 years later, I married my Beloved on March 14, 1998.  A beautiful man that God chose just for me.  A man I do not deserve.  And a man I am honored to call my husband.  Sounds great doesn’t it?  Beautiful love story of God introducing boy to girl.  Boy and girl fall in love.  Boy and girl gets married.

But this girl had issues.  Shocking, I know.  I had sexual baggage which was more like a dumpster than a small bag of trash.  So, through the years I had to learn how to overcome my sexual past.

Now, you might be thinking, “What does this have to do with 50 Shades of Grey?”  A lot, actually.  I pursued those things in my past because I was longing for intimacy.

I was longing to be loved.

Desired.

Cherished.

All longings every woman wants to experience.

For me, I just happened to physically live out my flesh-filled desires while other women are going to live theirs out in their minds when they go to watch this movie or read the books.  Of course, I can tell you from my past life experiences you won’t leave in a better spiritual, marital, or emotional state when you go to said movie.  Yeah, you might be on an emotional or physical high afterwards, but you’ll eventually come down and crash from it.  Your soul will never be the same and neither will your marriage, (or future marriage).

Why Christian Women Are Drawn to 50 Shades of Grey

Since I didn’t read the books, I don’t know all of the details.  But I do know that Christian Grey is portrayed as a strong man in the movie, although Hollywood’s description of a strong man is all off.  Way off!

Now let me ask you, are you drawn to a strong man?  I mean, a true strong man…

A man who will stand up for you?

Protect you?

Provide for you?

Fight for you?

Pursue you?

Yeah, I am too.  But these men are hard to come by since our society has emasculated them for years.  Sadly, I used to be a woman doing just that before I got saved!  I would devour men and belittle them and I wouldn’t give them my respect for nothing if I saw they couldn’t handle me.  Respect?  What’s that?  And why would I give it to any man?  Yes, those were my thoughts.  However, living for Christ and soaking up the Word of God and applying it to my marriage has radically changed my viewpoint.

But, as Christian women, we are most likely living a very sacrificial life.  Laying down our lives for the sake of others and while this premise is biblical, many times in the throes of mothering and the pursuit of outside endeavors and just trying to go through this hard life without drowning, our marriage can easily become ho-hum.

Mundane.

Complacent.

Lack luster.

Void of passion.

The enemy loves this, by the way!  If he can get us distracted, guess what happens to our marriage?  It breaks down.  Our home is now filled with turmoil instead of joy.

The marriage bed is now platonic instead of filled with passion so we want to go hangout with Christian Grey hoping for something more.

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.  John 10:10

Our love story has been neglected.  It is now covered in dust sitting up on a shelf.  Well, girlfriend, take your book off the shelf and turn your own page!

Forego turning a page from 50 Shades and turn a page from your own romance novel.

But 50 Shades is new and full of passion and intrigue…you say?

Passion and intrigue was most likely a part of your love story too, just like mine.  But some how through the years the kids became our focal point.  Or it was the careers.  The new toys.  Financial freedom.  Our marital passion can easily be snuffed out if we’re not careful to continue to stoke our own fire.  Girlfriend, stoke your own fire!

Maybe you’re saying, but Christian Grey, he’s a man I desire because I’m drawn to him…

You were drawn to your husband once too, right?  What’s changed?  I’m sure with one word I can figure it out…

RESPECT.

Yep.  You’ve lost respect for him.  I get it.  Come closer and let me whisper a little secret in your ear.  Every wife, at some point in her marriage, loses respect for her husband.  The respect meter goes down.  Betcha didn’t know that.  Yeah, well, at least now you know you’re normal.  🙂

Okay, so now you know your intimacy and passion have died down for two reasons:

1) Because you no longer hold your man in high esteem.

If you don’t admire him you’re less likely to physically desire him.

Did you know you have to fight to respect and admire him ? Yep, I have to do this every day. Every day I have to put on my lenses of viewing my husband strengths rather than his weaknesses.

Shift your perspective just a tad and you’ll see the respect you once had for him start to grow.  He needs this and so do you.

And let the wife see that she respects her husband.  Eph. 5:33

2) Or your intimacy and passion have died down because you’re too busy being mom, homemaker, career woman, or whathaveyou.  Invest in your marriage more than these other roles.  And start this weekend by choosing your husband over Christian Grey.  Better yet, go one step further and set up a night to knock your husband’s socks off. This is how you turn the page of your dusty, old love story!

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle