1. I have a similar situation so I ca relate. My husband of almost 3 years (my 2nd marriage & his 3rd), has an ex-wife that I have purposely avoided like the plague for 2 1/2 years. We were in a car ride together for 3 hrs (another story) and she said somethings that put my husband down. I felt like I was being a supportive wife and decided to end any and all communication with her. I needed to defend my husband, right?! Wrong!! It has caused so much tension and hindered a relationship with my step kids. I finally a few weeks ago had a conversation with the ex wife and my step daughter. We discussed very openly things that bothered each of us. Since then life has been so much simpler. I actually have had some discussions with her that has shed some light on my marriage (after all she’s been married to him too). She started attending “our church” (the same one they went to as a family) and I felt like I couldn’t get away from her. She is at everything for the kids, she is building a house in the neighborhood over from us, and now she’s going to our church! How dare she be a good mom for her kids and do that?? I had to step back and look at my approach and what God was trying to teach me in this.
    I learned the world is a bad mean place and why would I want to hinder a loving relationship with my step kids (I don’t like that term I prefer bonus kids). If anyone wants to love my kids I’ve always wanted that there’s enough bad out there they will have to face.
    I actually walked out of church with her on Mother’s Day and wished her a good day. The whole time I was walking out I was talking to God. It had to be Him at work because just a few weeks before I was cringing at the sight of her walking in the parking lot and here I was walking out right beside her honestly sincerely wishing her a good day. God is powerful IF we allow
    Him to be in our lives.
    This will also take lots of communication with your fiànce and without that I’m sorry to say you should second think this marriage. Blending family life is the hardest I’ve ever known and that’s saying a lot!! Just trust God and He will see you through BUT it will be with many lessons learned so prepare or walk away before you commit. Blended families aren’t for the faint…it’s tough but rewarding if you CHOOSE God!!

  2. I know these things happen and sometimes it’s unavoidable. But the problem lies in how people communicate and how the spouse handles themselves in each situation. I get being civil but if you have to do more than that why are they an ex! The bible talks a lot about creating boundaries and being set apart! People don’t like hearing that bc they always want to compare themselves to Jesus and say we are to be a light and help the lost! The light also exposes things that are hidden and un-addressed sin in our lives and others! Some people don’t want change and we are to separate from that way of understanding bc it can hinder us! Rich young ruler story is a great example of this as well bc when he refused to give up what had hold of him he left sorrowful! Jesus didn’t chase him he simply planted a seed and showed him where his heart was! Ex’es are just that for a reason and can also be the most dangerous person for married couples bc of the history! 2nd marrieges have a high divorce rate already so not being guarded and protected in all areas can really be detrimental! Also it’s our job to be mindful and always respect the one we are with and their feelings no matter what we feel!

    1. I have found that my spouse’s ex and I make an effort to get along for the children. His two children live almost 12 hours away, and as his wife it is my duty to support him. I chose to love him, and all that came with that, his children are a part of him, as my two are of me. We have been blessed that all four children love the other very much, step-parents, and accept each other as siblings. He and his ex don’t get along or not, they have moved past that. His ex finds it easier to communicate with me because of my empathy as a once divorced woman and I was a single mom for a while, as she is now and has been for a while. I believe that supporting my spouse and the growth of “our” children is crucial to doing God’s work. We have boundaries, conversations are limited to children’s well being and small talk, but is so much better than not getting along. She tells me how much her kids love me, she is secure when they are with me, know I respect her as their mom, and appreciates all I do. I learned this from my parents and step-parents, growing up knowing that I was blessed with four loving parents. It is a blessing to be able to show our children that they are valued, and that even though we cannot be the family we once were, it is possible for us to be an even better family with healthier, loving relationships for them the emulate. So, with trusting that God has a plan, boundaries, faith, love, and understanding…much is possible! Now my ex…is another story, and not because I don’t try for our kids sake.

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