I once knew a Christian woman who was planning on leaving her husband because of financial problems. Our world’s were very similar. Her man was self-employed and he was struggling in this economy, as was mine. They had lost their home and we had lost our home. Life became difficult for her and I completely understood how she was feeling. However, she came to me one day saying that she might leave her husband. I was shocked and dumbfounded by what I heard. She told me her reasons for doing so was because her husband wasn’t being the spiritual leader of the home.Surprised by what she said, I asked her a question. “What’s your definition of a husband being the spiritual leader of the home?”
Her response, “He provides for me financially. And I didn’t sign up for this.” (She was used to fine things as well as having what she wanted when she wanted them.)Well, I let her know that her understanding of her husband being the spiritual leader of the home wasn’t biblically correct. And if she chose to divorce her husband over finances, then she was outside of the will of God.Yes, a husband is to provide for his family, but sometimes things happen for a time, but that doesn’t mean he is no longer appointed by God as the head of the home.
A man’s spiritual leadership is not defined by how much money is in his bank account. His spiritual headship is defined by God, the Maker of the Universe.
Unfortunately the woman didn’t heed the Godly counsel given to her. She ultimately left her man when he was at his lowest, and thus broke up her family all because of money.
Many wives can relate to having financial pressures in marriage, after all, money is one of the top 3 issues that couples fight over.
Now the story I shared might be an extreme example of a marriage with money problems, but if we’re not careful to protect our marital union, it’s really easy for our fearful hearts, controlling attitudes, and selfish desires to wreak havoc on our marriage. I personally don’t believe a wife would just wake up one morning and decide to leave her man over a lack of finances. Well, maybe she would if she’s a gold-digger, marrying him for money and not love, but that’s not the norm. No, the eroding of a marriage because of financial struggles generally takes years of living and responding in the flesh.
So, if you put a woman in a marriage and then not have enough funds to pay the bills, you’ll see her freak out real quick! When my man and I went through our financial struggles, I often became a different wife. I’d worry and stress out. I became, what I call, the crazy lady. So, if you’ve turned into the crazy lady because of fear of your financial situation, know you’re not alone! However, today I’m going to address ways to decrease the crazy lady syndrome.
Take a look at these scriptures and see what the love of money, the pursuits of it, and the hope we put into it can do to us.
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness…Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasures for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age; so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. (1 Tim. 6:10, 11, 17-19)
10 Ways to Deal with the Crazy Lady
1. Keep an eternal perspective. Seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. If you haven’t read my earlier post in this series, How to Obtain Financial Security make sure you do so you can set your feet on the proper biblical foundation.
2. Recognize why you’re responding the way you are. My prior post written about the 3 root issues that cause us concern will help you gain a better understanding of why you’re freaking out. Are you fearful of your situation? Controlling? Acting selfishly? Or are your hormones causing your emotions to get the better of you? Knowing the cause of why you are responding the way you are will help you to gain some self-control in your situation. Also, I encourage you to share these things with your husband. After all, he is not a mind reader and it’ll help him to better communicate with you when you’re having a tough time living a life of faith. Plus, if he’s a believer, he’ll know how to pray for you. Humility goes a long way in marriage!
3. Who’s responsibility is it to make the money for your household? If it’s solely your man’s like it is mine, one of the things my Beloved constantly reminds me of when I freak out over our lack of finances is this… “Are you now in charge of making the money for this family?” It’s his nice, gentle reminder that I don’t need to be worrying over his area of responsibilities. I do my part in our marriage and family life, and he does his. If I feel he is not doing enough in his role, then I take my concerns to the Lord first!
4. Hold your tongue. No amount of blaming will cause your bank account to grow larger and neither will it foster love in your marriage. I know this is a hard one! But as Godly women we need to be mindful of how our words can either tear down or build up our marriage.
5. Pray! Pray without ceasing. Pray for your husband and your situation. Ask the Lord to give you the strengthen and faith needed in your situation, then rest in the Scriptures and the promises of God.
6. Speak the Scriptures to your husband. If he’s fallen down, lost his job, is experiencing business woes or concerns, then breath the Breath of Life into him. By doing this, you’re strengthening and encouraging him spiritually and you’re protecting your marriage from the Enemy. And, because the Word of God does not return void, those Scriptures will minister to you as well!
7. Give thanks. Be thankful for the blessings that God has given to you and keep in mind that someone else is always in a more difficult financial situation than you are.
8. Serve the Lord so your eyes are not on yourself and the kingdom you’re trying to build. When we turn our eyes to our Maker and Savior and live a life of service to Him rather than ourselves, we’re no longer in the midst of our own daily pity party.
9. The loss of your finances is not the end of the world. I know it may seem like it is, but it’s not. Your financial fears have become my reality. I’ve lived through those storms and I’m still breathing. So I encourage you to take the path of bettering your marriage over the path of destroying your love and martial commitment because you don’t have enough money. That even sounds ridiculous to even write. Why would anyone break up their marriage over finances? Logically, doesn’t that concept sound absurd? Well, we all know the truth of how we feel when we’re put in a tough financial situation with our guy, don’t we? The blame game starts. The criticalness begins. Bitterness starts to grow in your heart. And the next thing you know, you’re no longer talking with one another, sleeping in the same bed, or even having sex. The marriage has eroded all because of our love of money!
10. Weather the storm together. Don’t bail emotionally, physically, mentally and/or spiritually on your husband during such a difficult time in his life. Lean into him, not away from him. He needs your support, acceptance, and belief in him, not your condemnation and criticism. Hold fast to your marriage vows…. remember, for richer or for poorer?