15 years marriage1

15 Things God Has Taught Me in 15 Years of Marriage

15 years marriage1

I’m celebrating 15 years of being my Beloved’s wife today!  Sometimes when I think of that number I’m surprised by how fast the years have gone by, and then other times it seems like we’ve been married much longer based on how my heart feels as if he’s always been a part of me.

When I think back to my wedding day it was filled with such hope and promises.  A new love was blossoming and a new life was beginning.  If you’re a wife today, I’m sure you can relate to the romantic nostalgia. 🙂

But the reality of the last 15 years is that it has been extremely painful.  Now, I’m not meaning my marital relationship, but rather our life’s circumstances.  Through these circumstances though, God has taught me many things as a wife and I’d love to share them with you in hopes that it’ll help your marriage!

15 Things God Has Taught Me in 15 Years of Marriage

  1. As a Godly wife,  I needed a boatload of trust in the Lord for all aspects of my life.
  2. As a Godly wife, I needed to put my faith in Christ to be my provider rather than my husband.  Since I’m married to a self-employed man sometimes throughout our marriage his job status has changed to being an unemployed, self-employed man!
  3. As a Godly wife,  I needed to learn contentment when life didn’t go according to my plan.  (Still learning this one!)
  4. As a Godly wife, I needed the Lord to calm my anxious heart and meet me where I was when my Beloved, a mere human, wasn’t capable of meeting all my needs.
  5. As a Godly wife, I needed to be filled with God’s overflowing grace so I could pour that same grace into my man, otherwise I’d have a crack in my marital foundation…and just a tiny sliver is enough room for the Enemy to squeeze into and wreak havoc in my marriage.
  6. As a Godly wife, I needed to encourage my man and become the Good Samaritan Wife to him when the world knocked him down.
  7. As a Godly wife, I found that when I became my husband’s biggest cheerleader, he became mine.
  8. As a Godly wife I had no idea how much I’d have to die to self in my marriage….and how much I’d enjoy dark chocolate as a result of this!  No, honestly, I didn’t realize how much this obedience to Christ would produce such sweet fruit in my marriage.  It’s all worth it, dear friend.
  9. As a Godly wife I was blown away by how much influence I had over my husband (and how I really enjoy this perk of the relationship!)
  10. As a Godly wife I learned I didn’t have to carry all of the responsibilities of our family and finances on my shoulders.  Although I didn’t fully understand why God made husbands as the head of the home when I was a new Believer and then a new bride, I fully see the benefits of this God-ordained headship today.  It’s a wonderful blessing the way God set this marriage thing up!
  11. As a Godly wife I needed to make sure that my mothering did not take precedence over my marriage.
  12. As a Godly wife I needed to learn that extended family and friends did not come before my marital relationship, therefore, we put hedges up around our marriage to protect us from this outside influence.
  13. As a Godly wife I needed to learn that my husband is drawn to me when I’m vulnerable, transparent, humble, caring, forgiving, gracious and kind, rather than when I’m prideful, impatient, snappy, argumentative, contentious, and withdrawn.  I want my husband drawn to me. 🙂
  14. As a Godly wife I needed to learn that my marriage was designed to bring God glory as well as to make me holy.  This puts all of my hardships, trials, and heartaches into perspective!
  15. As a Godly wife, my marriage is not about me, it’s about the Lord!

My Father has taught me that my life’s circumstances shouldn’t dictate my character nor should it dictate the strength, love, and passion that I want my marriage to be.  I get to make this decision being that I have control over myself! 🙂

Now you might be wondering why I used the term ‘Godly wife’?  Well, because we have a purpose as God’s daughters.  Any woman can get married and be some man’s wife.  But a Godly wife is not the bride to just one man, but to Two; Jesus being the other!   You and I not only bear our husband’s last name, but we bear the name of our Maker every single day of our lives.  This is what sets us apart from the wives of this world.  We need to look different and therefore, when we look different, our marriages will look different.  Our God-fearing marriages will naturally represent the Bridegroom, which is Christ.  This is the type of marriage I’ll continue to strive for until the day I die or until the Lord takes my Beloved home.  But until that time comes, I’ve got God’s Kingdom to build and it all starts with my marriage!

Let’s be co-laborers in the faith together.  Go build up your marriage as well!

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.  Proverbs 31:10

As a Godly wife, you are more valuable than rubies!

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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Wives of the Bible by Jolene Engle

 

Need some encouragement and guidance in your marriage?  Grab my latest book, Wives of the Bible:  25 Easy Lessons You Can Learn from these Imperfect Women that Will Radically Transform Your Marriage.

 

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22 Comments

  1. Great words of encouragement, Jolene. Happy Anniversary and congratulations on becoming a truly godly wife and reaping all the beautiful fruit from it!

  2. This is absolutely beautiful, Jolene. I would that all engaged women would this and submit to the Father’s plan for their married lives. Thank you for the wonderful, godly insight.

    1. Thank you, Rhonda. Submission to the King of Kings is what truly makes a beautiful and glorious marriage! Oh how I pray others would embrace this truth.

  3. Wonderful words of encouragement! Thank you! I do have one question if you have the time to answer: What do you mean by the statement that you have put up hedges around your marriage to protect you from outside influences in the case of extended family and friends? Can you give any examples? Thanks in advance for your time!

    1. Hi JE,
      First, I like your initials! 🙂
      Second, the hedge of protection is from others that meddle, interfere or don’t have God’s best in mind for our marriage and family life. Family and friends can be wonderful counselors and a source of accountability as well as fellowship….or they can be the complete opposite. My Beloved and I are very cautious when receiving counsel or opinions from others. We always make sure that whatever we hear from others, we line it up with the Word of God. We don’t want those outside relationships to come between us and causing dissension in our marriage. Our allegiance is to God and His Word first, and our spouse second. We are careful to not have others opinions and influence sway us from Godly living. So we put up a hedge knowing that what ever comes at us from outside sources we’ll discuss the issue together before we make decisions.
      Let me give you a hypothetical situation…I have a married girlfriend who wants to go on a ski trip with me and my husband. Sounds go so far. Two Christian couples vacationing together. Nothing wrong with that. However, say I don’t ski or won’t ski and neither does her husband. But my girlfriend does ski and so does my husband. She thinks it would be a great idea if I stay back at the condo with her husband and she goes out skiing with my husband. Do you see the problem there? This type of thing is something my husband and I would never do because we wouldn’t put ourselves in compromising situations. We put up a hedge and make decisions that will grow us closer to Christ and closer to one another. And of course a more basic example is a meddling mother in law! I hope this helps!

  4. Congratulations Jolene on 15 years of marriage and of being a Godly wife.. Thank you very much for sharing the lessons God has taught you on this journey.. I pray that you will continue to grow in your marriage and be a great representative of the bride of Jesus in your home..

    May I ask if I could please publish this article on my blog http://www.oneplustheone.blogspot.com It will be fully referenced.

    Thanks a lot xx

  5. Love this, Jolene! I’m struggling with #5 these days. So thankful God’s holding my marriage in the palm of His mighty hand. 🙂

    1. Thanks Rosann,
      I hear you on the grace thing. Some things that have helped me in this department is realizing that if I don’t extend grace to my man then it’ll probably create more harm than good in my marriage. And I figured since I’m living with enough trials in my life I don’t need to add more! Having this perspective has always helped me to change my attitude. And when it’s really hard for me to extend grace, I either go back in my mind to when God first gave me the gift of my husband or I think about the grace that God has poured out on me. These two mindsets generally soften my heart towards my man. And not too long after this I’m eating some humble pie! Extending grace will always cause your marriage to flourish and the reality is, that’s my heart’s desire. I hope this ministers to you today. Just let things go and let God move in yours and your man’s heart.

      By the way, I meant to tell you I ordered Carol Kent’s book and I thought it was fabulous. I’m definitely a winger and not a plodded! My husband has told me I’m a natural at public speaking (he coaches business owners who do video presentations), but my biggest hangup with the speaking was the fear. Carol shed light on the ‘why’ behind it. Plodding and preparing definitely helped me. Thanks so much friend for recommending her book! It blessed me tremendously.

  7. Congrats on 15. My Rooster and I will be celebrating 16 years this summer.

    This post is one of the best that I have read lately. Thanks so much for sharing. I would love to put a link to this on my blog.

    God Bless and have a beautiful weekend.

  8. Wonderful thoughts here, Jolene. We will be celebrating 35 years of eternal marriage this year, and agree with your words of wisdom. Like you, I believe the key is commitment–to God, His Son, and one’s companion. We truly have been to hell and back (not unlike many married couples) but walking away, giving up, or calling it quits was never remotely an option. We all make mistakes and forgiveness is essential–in ourselves and others; and knowing we are forgiven by the Savior and He expects the same of us is how we get through it. Congratulations on 15 years of commitment, and may the next 15 years (and beyond) be even more glorious for the two of you. Keep up the good words of encouragement for your fellow Women of Christ and Daughters of God.

  9. Appreciate what you wrote but 15 years in the scope of life–is nothing! I think those who have at least 30 to 40 years under their belt should write a blog on marriage!

  11. Excellent post, full of Godly wisdom and hard earn knowledge. Dave and I were married 17plus years when he died, suddenly and unexpectedly, in 11/11. He always said, “It’s my job to provide for you and protect you” and I’d reply, “And it’s my job to take care of you.” I’m a practicing Christian but it’s still the most difficult road I’ve ever been down. Since then, I’ve been writing a book giving ideas on how to prepare…there are SO many things to do that will make it less debilitating, both physically, emotionally and financially, should a spouse die.

  12. We are coming up on our 10th anniversary in May, this is a 2nd marriage for us both and we have grown his and hers young adults. Thankfully they get along well for the most part. My biggest problem with your blog is not what you are doing but what I need to be doing and cannot. A man should be the financially responsible party in a marriage and it is the other way around in ours. Let me explain a bit and maybe you can give me some suggestions. My dh was totally disabled less than a year after our marriage, unable to get ss or disability and I went back to work. Thankfully I am career trained in accounting and business management so it wasn’t really a problem. He has since thru God gotten himself off almost all the medication they had him on (we both believe this was allot of the problem) and has taken a job again. He won’t sign on the checking accounts, the house we bought while he was disabled is solely in my name as is the mortgage, our car loan all was done on my income and credit alone. He has no clue as to what accounts are due, how much the payments are. etc. He has said a few times I need to show him but whenevver I do he blows it off and just says “I know you pay the bills” The only thing he ever asks me is if we can afford to do such & such or purchase some larger dollar item. I am 8 yrs older than he is and am worried if something happens to me he is going to be totally lost financially. I also make the bulk of our income and we can’t afford but the 25K in life insurance I have so he would lose the house and all. I can’t seem to get thru to him on all this and get him to understand how serious this all could potentially be.
    I appreciate any comments or ideas from you or your other readers. The other one I have trouble with is #13 but that is me. 🙂
    God Bless you and Happy Anniversary.
    Jackie

  15. Thank you so much for sharing such wisdom- I am really being encouraged by your site tonight! 🙂
    In a response above, you gave the example of needing to put up a hedge from a meddling mother-in-law. My question is this, what are ways that to put a hedge around your marriage from in-laws that aren’t respectful of your spouse? My hubby and I both deal with this on varying levels and wow are they difficult situations! Thankfully, in recent years, these events have drawn us closer together. Thanks and God bless you and your ministry!

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