Marriage can be hard work. Sometimes it’s a struggle learning how to be the godly wife the Lord desires us to be. And once we have read the Scriptures then we need to figure out how to apply them in our marriage with another human being! It can all be so overwhelming and difficult especially when it doesn’t come naturally for us, or we didn’t have the best examples of it, or when the world screams at us saying it should look totally different than what’s in the Word of God. But we have Hope. We have the Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.
If you want to better your marriage, join me in this post.
If you have a difficult marriage, join me in this post! (smile) Don’t lose heart even if your marriage is filled with a crack as wide as the Grand Canyon, God has sent us the Holy Spirit to help us, guide us and comfort us. If you are willing to grow in your marriage, than that in itself is already a huge step in the right direction.
In this post I am going to introduce the 3 Types of Wives listed below and I have asked my Beloved for his insight as well. Seeing how you are married to a man, I thought it would be helpful to get another man’s perspective on this topic.
3 Types of Wives
- The Contentious Wife (Proverbs 21:9)
- The Footstool/Doormat Wife (Psalm 110:1)
- The Help Meet (Helper) Wife (Genesis 2:18)
First, let’s dig into the Scriptures to find out what God has to say about wives and marriage.
If you are married, here is one of your main purposes in life:
For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man. 1 Corinthians 11:8,9
Woman is the glory of man. 1 Corinthians 11:7
The Bible says we are created for our husband! Imagine society being okay with that concept!
Now hold on. Don’t start screaming at the computer because of what you just read. I know this is not a common concept that we hear in this world. So take a deep breath and stay with me as we learn what God’s Word says about the order of our relationship:
But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3
The husband, whether you view him as Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong, whether he’s a Christian or not, he is your headship. You can debate about that all you want, but you’ll have to take it up with the Lord. 🙂
Let those concepts sink into your mind and heart just for a sec. If you begin to embrace this Truth, you are now at a point where your heart is softening, which is the beginning stages of producing good fruit in your marriage. Your God-fearing, marital foundation is now being laid.
Let’s get into the 3 types of wives. But first, please know that I am going to speak in generalities here seeing how this is a blog post and not a marriage book. And I’ve tried to give the 3 types a label that is found in the Scriptures.
The Contentious Wife
Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. Genesis 3:16
A contentious wife is one who can feel or do any of the following on a regular basis in her marriage:
- She feels that she is smarter than her husband and he either cannot lead as well as she can, or he doesn’t take the lead and therefore, she does.
- She does not trust him or his decisions.
- She is emasculating and bitter, and it’s not hidden from him.
- She doesn’t listen to him.
- She will make (or want to make) all the decisions in the marriage.
- She fights and argues with him on a regular basis.
- She will compete with him or want to assert herself because she is trying to overcompensate for her insecurities. The world applauds this woman. She is offended by the idea of submitting to her husband.
- She has disdain in her heart towards him and she has no desire to give him honor or respect.
A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. Proverbs 27:15
Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:9
Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman. Proverbs 21:19
Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife. Proverbs 17:1
It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 25:24
Unfortunately, some husbands are rulers, ruling over their wives as they put their feet up on a footstool or upon a doormat. Because of this type of treatment from the husband, the wife becomes passive, not saying a word for fear of his rejection, disapproval, temper, or the unrealistic demands that are placed on her.
- Her main focus is that her husband’s needs are met because she serves him out of fear rather than out of love and obedience to the Lord.
- She also instructs the children that they need to fulfill the standards of their father as well, therefore, she’s able to protect them from his scorn.
- She seldom shares her heart with her husband because she is afraid of how he will respond.
- This wife will have the tendency to walk on eggshells when she’s in her husband’s presence.
- She will keep her mouth shut while bitterness grows in her heart.
The husband may be demanding, demeaning and critical of her making her feel like she is not the help meet wife that she is called to be, but rather a helpless wife because she can’t measure up to all his expectations. He may also have the tendency to treat his wife harshly (not in an abusive way) but in a way where the wife does not feel heard, nor loved and appreciated by her husband.
The wife, trying to be a respectful and submissive wife, doesn’t like to approach her husband with her feelings because if she does, she may feel like she is being disrespectful to him (which he may say she is) but in reality she isn’t as long as she doesn’t do it in a complaining, criticizing, condemning and nagging way. She is just sharing her heart in a loving way but he still sees it as a sign of disrespect when in reality it isn’t.
Husbands of these wives will have the tendency to want to rule over them as stated in Genesis 3:16
And he shall rule over you. Genesis 3:16
The Bible is clear that a husband should NOT treat a wife like this, but unfortunately some do.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
Here’s another version that I want you to take a look at:
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)
The Help Meet (Helper) Wife
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18 (KJV)
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. John 14:26
Of course we all know the Holy Spirit is in no way inferior or secondary to Jesus Christ or God the Father, rather, the Spirit serves a different role, just like us as wives.
We will always have the natural tendency to be a wife in the flesh, rather than a wife who is spirit-led. But as God’s daughters, we should want to strive to be the ‘Help Meet’ wife; the excellent wife, which is in the middle of the Contentious and Doormat/Footstool wife.
In closing, we will ALWAYS fall short of becoming that excellent Help Meet Wife, however, with a willing heart we can allow the Bridegroom to tightly embrace us and lead us to the wife He desires us to be.
Don’t miss the 3 Types of Husbands post! You can read it here.
Live a poured out life for Christ,