1. I felt like I was reading a page out of my life!
    The decisions are so very difficult and the pain is unbearable… My heart has been forever changed… One day my circumstances will make sense until then I hold on to the faith He has given me. Thank you for your ministry.

  2. Jolene, I’d like to add just a couple of thoughts to your very excellent post. First, would her husband be willing to go for professional counseling with a psychologist who specializes is PTSD and abuse recovery? I think it would help him get unstuck and move forward. Meanwhile, one of the most loving things the wife could do would be to learn about the human mind, and how it is impacted by trauma. An excellent blogger, whom I have found helpful, is Dr. George Simon. He is a godly Christian man with great insight into character, personality, and motivation. He’s also written some excellent books.

    I think things will get better for this couple as time progresses. I’ll be praying for your friend.

    1. Jolene, this is wonderful information and keep up the fine works you do for all of us who will remain obedient to God in our struggles! Wives can only ENCOURAGE their husbands to seek counseling, but if they won’t go, you cannot force them to go! Put your husband on all prayer wheels, there are many on line, I did that 2 yrs. ago with my husband so he would stop drinking, and 2 yrs. later the Lord took the urge away from him and he does not drink anymore! So it all takes time and patience – keep on believing and GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION — God hates divorce. Keep your head up. God gives his hardest battles to his strongest Soldiers…remember this.

  3. I came to my computer to search for an apartment. I’m exhausted with the emotional roller coaster and don’t know what to do anymore. I’m going to try to stick it out until the conference and lean into Christ and plead for my marriage and family.

    1. Loved hearing about your willingness to press on, Lori. Remember that the Lord is always in the midst of all of our circumstances.

  4. While I totally agree with your advice and encouragement, after 25 years and five children, the last 2 kids are 3 years away from leaving the nest, I feel as if I’ve given it my very best shot at walking in the fruit of the Spirit, namely long-suffering. It has been a very difficult, painful process of healing in my heart daily in order to cope and survive emotionally. My husband absolutely refuses to see Biblical Truth, take responsibility for past actions of betrayal to me and is completely justified in his behaviors toward me. I’d love to stay faithful to our covenant marriage, but after toughing it out for the last 8 years (which were the worst of it), I don’t think anything short of a Lord lobotomy will ever motivate him to get the help he desperately needs but going through the official steps of divorcing. It’s sad that it takes losing your marriage to force the issue, but that’s where I’m at. He’s a former attorney so we’re going to try to do it ourselves, with a back up mediator on the back burner if need be to ensure I’m treated fairly. After years of willingly laying down my life in the best interests of my family, I think I have permission from the Lord to lay it down in a different way that involves taking this sort of action. This is a terribly difficult decisions and process I know. Harder than actually staying and coping. The proverbial ball is in his court, as he will have to draft the documents involved. I’m hoping it’s a wake up call but won’t hold my breath. God help me if I’m in error. Obedience to the Lord is truly my only goal in life. Your prayers for my husband, children and I are greatly appreciated. Only God knows if my husband is capable of coming to the end of himself so I’m trusting God implicitly for direction. I also have no interest in finding a replacement husband. I’d rather be alone, alone then alone again in another marriage. Guess I’m jaded in this respect. All you hurting sisters out there need to know you’re not alone in sharing these similarities. “Christian” marriages that don’t remotely resemble what they should. How about older men training up young husbands?

    1. Sorry to hear about your pain. I believe every word. Being married and alone is the killer for me too. It’s not hard to be alone when you know there is no one around, but when husband is at home or with you yet chooses everything but you, is very very though. I also feel that my heart is just numbing and numb… I don’t even have the strength to even pray. Sad…

  5. Julie, I hear your pain . I’m not married but my mother has been in a marriage like that for the past almost 27 years. You are making the right decision. I know I’m not the best person to give advice but having witnessed the same thing in my parent’s marriage, I would tell you to do what you are already doing, getting a divorce. My mother can’t or she would. I’ll pray that God will give you much-needed strength as you go through this difficult process.

  6. As I write this I am tired. I have been married almost 10 years and have 2 children 6 and 2. For the majority of my marriage we have struggled financially. Not because we did not have money, but because my husband refused to handle our finances responsibly. We have lost homes, cars, furniture and now I am living with my mother (IN THIS MIST OF ALL OF THIS I HAD SEVERAL MISCARRIAGES AND A STILLBORN SON). After all of that I leaned that my husband has been having an affair for the past 3 year. I found out when I moved in with my mother because we had been evicted and I was pregnant. My mother lives in another state so my husband stayed behind to keep working while I moved to my mother to have the baby. All the time that he remained in the other state he had been living with the other woman. When I found out I originally wanted to divorce but then I began to pray and fast. My husband moved to the state I am in but can’t live with my mom. There is not enough room for us to live with him and his dad so we live separately. We said we were working on our marriage only to find out my husband was still speaking with the woman and flirting with others but still I chose to fight. He said he would change and not cheat or make poor financial choices. However he continues to do so. Our car insurance has lapsed like it has so many times in the past because he does not pay tickets and his license gets suspended (same behavior as before). He continues to complain that we don’t have enough intimacy, but my question is when and where are we supposed to be intimate. I have paid for hotel rooms but he doesn’t saying that he can’t afford it. I am at my wits end because I feel like I have tried before and not I am trying again. We are scheduled to go to counseling something that I have always begged for but he did not want. Now he is willing. If this does not work I am ready to walk away because there is nothing left. I continue to pray that he falls in love with God and not me! Please continue to pray. I AM READY FOR THIS LONG SEASON TO END (WEARY)

Comments are closed.