(Please note, this post is written specifically for the married mom.)
Mothering….the responsibility of raising, shaping, and caring for a child/ren is straight-up hardwork. Kids have constant needs whether it’s late night feedings, dirty diapers, temper tantrums, or navigating the hormonal shifts of a teenager.
Now, I don’t know about you, but it seems like my ‘job’ of mothering my kids never ends. Whether I’m doing damage control because of disagreements, or preventative care by trying to shape their character, either way you look at it, mothering is round the clock care- 24/7/365.
Being a mom has been the hardest job I’ve ever had. I’ve been flat-out overwhelmed and exhausted, both physically and mentally. Personally, I have never felt like I’ve done enough for my children. There’s always of nagging feeling of ‘mom guilt’ that runs through my blood.
I’m not sure at what year of mothering I figured out the ‘x’ factor in my role as a mom. It was a slight shift in my perspective. A gentle whisper spoken to my weary soul as I was drowning as a mom…
Much like you, I never became a bride and started a family with the intentions of my marital relationship falling apart and then ending in divorce, (or living in an emotionally divorced marriage). What I wanted was a thriving marriage and family life.
If you’re a mom who is married then may I pass on to you what spoke to my soul?
The ‘X’ factor in mothering is being a wife first, and a mom second. I learned that when I kept my marital relationship a priority a few things took place in our marriage.
1. My husband felt wanted and respected by me. The by-product of this was he parented with me instead of me feeling like I was doing it all on my own.
2. By keeping our relationship a priority, he naturally wanted to help and support me in all that I was doing. My load of life was lightened because of his helpful actions and caring attitude.
Over the years as I continued to put my husband first, my sons have come to view what a Christ-centered marriage looks like. Of course I’ve always wanted them to learn this, but what I didn’t realize was that my roles of being a wife and mom could so easily get out of priority. Being that motherhood is so demanding, it was completely natural for me to be a mom first, and a wife second. But this way of life wouldn’t produce the strong family unit I was desiring.
My husband and I are one flesh. Yes, I left my family and cleaved to my man, but I also had to emulate this same biblical concept to my children so they would know to follow this principle when they moved out of our home.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
So I needed to make some small tweaks in my everyday actions…instead of being a mom first and a wife second, (which I think is the natural response most new moms make.) I needed to be a wife first and a mom second.
When I figured out this ‘X’ factor, I noticed a positive change in my marriage and my family life. My husband and I were more connected and more unified in our parenting and plans for our family.
Ultimately, a strong marriage will make for a strong family.
Want to dig deeper into your role as a wife? Join me for the upcoming Wisdom for Wives On-line Conference this coming May 12th-14th! Early bird registration deadline ends May 5th! Click here to sign-up.