If you know anything about this woman in Proverbs 31, then most likely you feel she puts you to shame. Well, maybe not you, but she certainly puts me to shame if I’m trying to emulate her! But years ago, I stopped trying. And here’s why:
It was the King’s mama who told him what to look for in a wife. (Prov. 31:1) While all of this counsel from a mother to a son about his future wife’s characteristics, virtues, and pursuits are wise, my husband is no longer looking for a wife. He has one. For 15 years now, no less. So he’s good. His mama doesn’t need to give him anymore advice. 🙂
Instead, being that I’m his wife, I asked him what he needs from me. Novel idea isn’t it? After all, my man doesn’t need me to sew linen garments. Nor does he need me to consider a field and buy it. But there are some other aspects of the Prov. 31 woman that he does need from me.
- He needs me to be virtuous. (Prov. 31:10)
I need to high morals and standards. I need to pursue righteousness; right standing with God.
- He needs to trust me. (Prov. 31:11)
I hold his heart. No other woman in the world has access to it, so I need to treasure it and protect it so he’ll continue to share it with me.
- He needs me to be his biggest supporter. (Prov. 31:12)
I need to be a wife who is for him, rather than against him. One who believes in him. A wife who influences him for good rather than evil.
- He needs me to tend to the home. Prov. 31:13-15
My husband toils the field, he’s the provider for our family. (Genesis 3:17) And I’ve chosen to be a keeper of the home, more specifically, a homemaker. (Titus 2:5) So I do the grocery shopping and plan/prepare the meals for our family. If I need some help from him, I ask. Sometimes I run out of milk and he goes to the store! 🙂
- He needs me to use my mind. Prov. 31:16, 18
I’m not a feeble-minded woman who can’t think for herself. I’m quite capable of purchasing a home, or a piece of land, or even a business. I don’t do these things on a regular basis because I don’t need to. But when the need arises, I’m ready and willing. My husband and I own a company and he runs it. We work together to make wise business decisions.
- He needs me to be strong, healthy, and hardworking. Prov. 31:17
A chronically-ill wife can certainly bring some chaos to the marriage. I should know since I’ve been one for most of my marriage! So I’m careful in what I eat, how much I commit to, and to make sure I exercise since it’s good for my body.
- He would certainly want me to have a heart of compassion to help those that are less fortunate. Prov.31:20
- When clothes are needed for the family, I buy them, rather than make them. Prov. 31:21,22
I’m not a fan of sewing. Sure, I can sew a button on a piece of clothing or make a costume for a theatrical production, but I’m thankful for the local retail store where I can buy clothes!
- He needs me to respect him. Prov. 31:23
When a wife respects her husband and she does so publicly, it’s only natural for others to respect him as well.
- He doesn’t need me to run a business. Prov. 31:24
Instead of a business, I run a ministry. My husband would rather me put forth effort into building God’s kingdom, rather than our own.
- He doesn’t need me to be fearful of our future. Prov. 31:25
- He needs me to be a kind wife who seeks God’s wisdom. Prov. 31:26
- He needs me to manage the home. Prov. 31:27
I don’t need to be Superwoman, I just need to be Eric’s woman!
And by the way, my husband doesn’t place any of these demands on me. Together, we’ve chosen these pursuits because it’s good for our marriage and family life. Your pursuits will look similar to mine, but they won’t be the same because no two couples are alike!
A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps. Prov. 16:9
I encourage you to open up the Proverbs 31 passage and ask your husband what he needs from you. Go through the list and write down your top priorities for your marriage. I guarantee you that when you do this, your stress-level will start to diminish and you’ll no longer feel like this Superwoman is putting you to shame! So remove the guilt, girlfriend, and go enjoy that husband of yours!!
Also, verses 28-31 are the crux to this entire passage, it’s the ‘why’ to all of these pursuits. If you want to learn more, I shared about it in my newest book, “Wives of the Bible: 25 Easy Lessons You Can Learn from These Imperfect Women that Will Radically Transform Your Marriage.”
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Need some encouragement and guidance in your marriage? Grab my latest book, Wives of the Bible: 25 Easy Lessons You Can Learn from these Imperfect Women that Will Radically Transform Your Marriage.