1. oh boy-o-boy! (were you in my house on Monday???) 😉

    I’m finding myself a little more ‘snappy’ these days, fortunately Robert doesn’t react, but looks for what’s lying/laying under my words and speaks to my heart. He’s a master at defusing my moods. (he took me out to Dairy Queen that evening as a special treat)

    Thanks for the reminder! grrrrrrrrrrr. 🙂

  2. Oh, goodess, the way we address our husbands should probably be addressed every day! I love that you brought up that the heart is the root of the problem.

    Very often it’s also true that we address our husbands the way we address/think about others; it isn’t just a marital issue. One book that I found incredibly helpful and convicting on the subject of communication from a biblical perspective is Paul David Tripp’s War of Words. Highly recommended!

  3. Jolene,
    The image of a three inch crocodile really brings it home. Thanks for this reminder that our tongue can be used as a weapon…or as a gift!

  4. Great suggestions for getting beyond the angry heart and hurtful words.

    I would add another suggestion, too: to behave as though she feels deeply loved and feels the same about her husband in return. What would that look like? Perhaps generously giving daily tokens of love and gratitude, such as a short sweet note of affirmation in a lunch box, or a short text, or making his favorite dinner.

    Thanks for all the help you bring to wives, and for sharing it all at NOBH!

  5. What a great post! There are few things that bother me more than hearing another woman CONSTANTLY down on her man. I know we all do that at times, and I appreciated the reminder that I need to deal with the croc! Thanks for the post!
    (Visiting from Beholding Glory)

  6. Thank you for the post, really needed to hear the encouragement, hope I can turn this situation around as my husband said he can not build a life with a women that tears down.

  7. Oh yes, I agree! We want to build up our home, not tear it down with our own hands!

    As you said, we have to look at what we are filling ourselves up with. T.v. shows that makes us discontent? Friends who encourage us in our poor attitudes when they should be pointing us to Christ? Books that fill us with a false sense of what love and romance really is?

    Our husbands need to know that their heart and reputation is safe with us, not put on display for a cheap joke at their expense.

    Fortunately we have a big God who is able to help us in our desire to build our marriages and control our tongues! Thanks for hosting again today, my friend.

  8. When I woke up this morning and checked my e-mail, I felt as though this post was written specifically for me! Ever since my husband got out of the military, and we moved away from our families across the country for his schooling, a lot of stress has been put on our marriage.

    Lately, especially this last week, I have lost my temper more than once; I yelled, spoke hateful words towards my husband, and even threw my cell phone. Immediately after this happened, I felt completely convicted, and turned towards God. I realized I had been tearing down my marriage, and I wanted it to stop. I need it to stop! Like your post says, taming the tongue is a hard battle to win, and I continue to struggle everyday, but also like what you said, there is HOPE in God!!!

    Thank you for helping me not feel hopeless, and letting me know I’m not the only wife in the Christian community to is dealing with this problem. I love all of your posts. They truly are inspired by God. Please never stop!!
    God Bless you Jolene!!

    1. God is always with you, Vanessa. Remain hopeful and keep your mind on pleasing the Lord in the midst of your difficulties. We have a faithful God even when we’re faithless!

  9. I’ve spoken so much bad into my marriage 🙁
    Please pray for my marriage as I and my husband are separated and he’s thinking about filing for divorce. He sees no way out of the mistakes that he’s made. Thank you.

    1. 🙁 Sorry to hear about your situation, Val. Continue to pursue the things of the Lord and try to minister to your husband. Perhaps his heart will soften towards you.

  10. Thanks so much for all your great advice! I have been putting my dear husband down without realizing it and he just pointed it out to me this past weekend. What timely words of wisdom. Marriage is so hard and we are having a bit of a difficult time and I just came across your site and am finding a lot of good information and advice that I need to work on. I need to work on lifting my husband up not tearing him down like the song says.

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