How to Embrace Your Husband as Head of the Home (when you don’t really want to!)

I know this topic is going to go over like a lead balloon and it certainly won’t be popular amongst the blogosphere, but I’m not here to win a popularity contest.  I’m here to share God’s Word with His daughters and what I’m sharing today is His truth.

So I get questions like these from wives often…

“How on earth can my husband be the head of the home when he does nothing in the home?

“Is my husband still considered the head of the home if he’s only concerned about himself and I’m the one who does everything in the home?”

Since inquiring minds want to know, I thought I’d shed some light on this popular concern from wives all around the world.

Whether a husband is saved or unsaved, lazy or diligent, active or passive, God appointed the husband as the head of the home.

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  Eph. 5:23,24

Many wives aren’t too fond of this verse.  I don’t blame them, sometimes I’m not too fond of it either.  Like when I read it as a new believer…it definitely bent me out of shape.   And I wasn’t too fond of it earlier this week when my husband and I didn’t see eye to eye on an issue! 🙂 Now does this mean I kept my mouth shut and I didn’t share my thoughts with my husband?  Um, no way!  I’m not some doormat.  I’m his wife and there is no other woman on the face of this planet that has the kind of influence that I have over him. 😉

So regardless of how I feel at times, my husband’s headship has been appointed and anointed by God- the Great I Am and the Creator of the Universe.  Of course, I can argue with God all I want over this precept and I can even wrestle with Him about it, but I have yet to win a wrestling match with God.

But I think this is the real issue that most of us struggle with…

As wives, we’re really questioning God and His word when our husbands are not functioning the way we’d like them to.  Sometimes I think we’d just like our guy to be a marionette and we’re the puppet master.   Yeah, because that thought process makes for a great marriage!

In the back of our mind, we’re asking God why?

Why is our husband our head?

Why aren’t we the head?

Well, I’m certainly not going to pretend that I know the mind of God.  But here’s what I can say about His truth….

When all of the pieces of God’s marital puzzle fits together, then marriage is awesome!

A husband who is leading, serving, and loving his wife like Christ loved the church and a wife who is respecting and submitting to her husband truly does make for a glorious marriage!  It’s the type of marriage that God intended.

So I’ve learned a few things in my marital journey about this one little verse.

My husband has a bigger responsibility than I have.  He will ultimately have to answer to God for how he has led me and the fam.  That’s a responsibility I don’t care to have.  I, on the other hand, will have to answer to God for how I respected and followed my man even during the times when I didn’t agree with him.

Plus, I decided a long time ago to get on board with God’s plan for marriage, because, well,  He’s wiser than I am.  I also figured it would be best for my marital relationship to support my husband.  My man happens to like it when I support him because when I do, he feels respected. 🙂

Ultimately, when I embrace this scripture I’m putting my trust in God more so than my husband. I know that God’s got my back.  He’s not going to lead me into harm’s way, even if I feel what my husband is doing (or isn’t doing) is best for me and my family.  Of course, I freak out sometimes because I don’t like the way my husband wants to handle things.  But this is a normal reaction and a response that most, if not all breathing wives deal with.  But these situations cause us to have a deeper trust and faith-walk with our Savior.  And that, my friend, is priceless!

A note to the wife who is married to a husband who isn’t leading the home-I wrote an entire series on this topic just for you!  In the first post, I covered the 14 reasons why a man isn’t leading.  You can read it here.

For the wife married to an unbeliever, your man is still considered by God as the head of the home.  Yes, even if that means he does absolutely nothing!  But you have an opportunity to win him over to the Lord by your conduct.  And if he gets saved, he’ll learn in time to lead his family the way God intended.  To learn more about living with an unsaved husband, you can read my post here.

6 Ways to Embrace Your Husband’s Headship

1.  Lean more on God’s truth rather than on your feelings.

2.  Give your husband the honor he deserves.  If this concept is quite challenging for you today, then go back to the time in your mind when you and your man were dating.  Most likely your guy was leading you and you probably felt like you would follow him anywhere.  Try to recapture those feelings.  This little intentional act I try to maintain in my marriage.

3.  Let go of your bitterness.  I think it’s extremely common for the seeds of bitterness to sprout up in a wife’s heart, so make sure you pull up the weeds before your beautiful marital garden is overtaken by these unwanted pests.

4.  Start believing in your guy again.  When you polish up your Knight and Shining Armor by your words of praise and affirmation, you might be surprised by how tall he starts to walk and the tendency he’ll have to lead and be involved.

5.  Don’t listen to the naysayers.  The world is completely against this Biblical viewpoint and they are dead wrong in their perspective.  Even some Christians will refute God’s Word to justify their sin, so be careful in who you listen to.

Although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man.  Romans 1:21-23

God’s Word says to ‘test all things.’ (1 Th. 5:21)   God was the one who created the institution of marriage and He knew what He was doing when He set up the guidelines.  Follow and embrace His viewpoint above all others.

6.  Realize that your desire to control and lead is due to your sin nature.  Every wife deals with the tendency to control her husband especially when he’s not measuring up to her standards, so please know that you’re not alone.  To help you in this, learn to walk in the Spirit rather than in your flesh.

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.  Romans 8:5,6

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle

 

Need some encouragement and guidance in your marriage?  Grab my latest book, Wives of the Bible:  25 Easy Lessons You Can Learn from these Imperfect Women that Will Radically Transform Your Marriage.