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When You Need Help

Imagine for a moment that the Creator of the Universe asked you to do something that you are totally uncomfortable with.  Something you felt completely unqualified and ill-equipped to do.  Yet, He asked you to do it anyway?
He told you to go take charge of something and lead it, oversee it, and be completely responsible for it even though you knew you would fall short. You knew this would not be easy for you because you’re not a natural at this task.
He also asked you to handle this responsibility with the utmost care and do it in a way that reflects Him while you’re doing it.
Seems like a daunting task so far, doesn’t it?
But He sends someone to your side to assist you in this big task in hopes that it will alleviate some of your responsibilities.
Even though you have someone to help you, you are still trying your best to figure out how to lead and reflect Christ, but of course, you still fall short.  You begin to doubt yourself.  You start to make bad decisions.  Soon, you are forced to make choices in situations that you don’t know how to handle.  You look to find examples of help, but unfortunately, those examples are few and far between.  You become discouraged as others are telling you that you are doing it all wrong.  Those around you are mocking you.  Even society tells you what a fool you are.  You feel defeated.
What if the person by your side in this monumental task was kind, gracious, and encouraging?  Would that make a difference to you?  Would you be less fearful?  Feel better equipped?
Or, what if the person was judgmental, critical, and condemning?  How would that make you feel?
Which one would you rather have by your side?
Well, anyone in their right mind would choose the person who is gracious, kind, and encouraging, of course!
If you haven’t figured out what this monumental task is that I am referring to, it is that of being a godly husband.  I did a role-reversal for you!You know, walk in his shoes for a day.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.  Eph. 5:25

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  Colossians 3:19 NIV

Many men don’t know how to be the godly husband they want to be.  Where and who do they turn to for their examples?
Let’s just be real for a moment.  We all know there are not too many godly men in the world today!  Perhaps if they watched some t.v. they might find some good examples of a husband or father there, right?  That the furthest thing from the truth!  Our society has become so female dominant that it’s disgusting!!  Men are being emasculated all over the place and the ones who do stand for the Lord are being mocked and told they are chauvinistic.
Sure, there are men who have a better understanding of the scriptures and they pursue the Lord with their whole heart, but they fall short too!
But God is a great God, He knew that the person by the husband’s side could help him be a better husband……unless the wife is like the helper who was judgmental, critical, and condemning.  A helper like that certainly makes the husband’s job a lot more difficult!
But, have no fear, the Lord also gave your husband the Helper of the Holy Spirit!

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.  John 14:26

And because we can’t do this whole ‘helper, kind, gracious, and encouraging wife thing’ on our own either, the Lord gave us the Helper too.
Husbands and wives ALL fall short.  We ALL need forgiveness.  And we need to forgive each other.  Every. Single. Day. Until. Death. Do. Us. Part.
I am thankful that God forgives me and doesn’t keep a record of my sins!!
If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.  Psalm 130:3,4
Love keeps no record of wrongs.  1 Corinthians 13:5
Which kind of helper would you like to be for your husband?  Don’t forget that you have the Helper as well!

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle

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22 Comments

  1. I want to be the kind of helper that uplifts my husband and bears some of his burden. The kind that points him in the direction of the One who can sustain him and renew his courage. Thank you, Jolene, for always being a beacon of light that illuminates the beauty of marriage!!

  4. Oh, you hit a sore spot with me on this post! I am so frustrated by the messages society sends on how men are all bad and that children don’t need fathers. Arrggghhhh.

    I am thankful for the small army of wives, moms and bloggers who continue to cover this holy ground and give the respect to men they deserve and to spread the word that it takes both husband and wife to make a relationship abundantly strong and satisfying, that the blame of a relationship gone bad does not rest on just one.

    Thanks for sharing at NOBH!

  5. hi jolene!

    just found your blog this morning, & absolutely love your moniker! thank you for this always-timely reminder of who i want to be to my husband — the gracious one, the one who sees Him through the tender eyes of our Father, cheering him on in little victories AND the big ones, & joyfully pouring out grace — lots of it! (b/c i need it at LEAST as much as a wife!!)

    i don’t blog about marriage consistently, so i hope you don’t mind i linked to the first piece that i wrote on marriage, which was on our 15th anniversary several months ago. (and then i’d love to share the other 2 or 3 pieces i’ve written on marriage in the next few weeks!)

    blessings to you & yours,
    tanya

    p.s. oh my! just caught a glipmse of your short “about jolene” statement — must go read! i have an invisible illness that left me completely incapacitated for close to a year. (you’ll find it on my blog at “the story behind Truth in Weakness,” if interested.) extra, extra blessings to you, dear one!

  6. Thank you so much for sharing. This is something the Lord has been working on with me recently. Just this morning, I was thinking about what a huge responsibility my husband has, and wondering if I was inadvertently adding to his burden. Praying the Lord will make me the helpmeet He created me to be, and my husband the man He created him to be.

  7. Hi Jolene! This is my first visit to your site and my first time linking up. I found you on “The Lovely Blog Directory” at Growing Home. Thank you for the link up and I appreciate the great word! I pray to be the encouraging wife that my husband needs (but fail so many times). It makes an obvious difference in my marriage when I take the time to bless him and build him up.

  8. Hi Jolene – firstly, great post! i often have to remind myself about what an awesome husband my God has given me! I also have to remind myself what a tough job he has! Its easier in some ways to be the wife! Secondly i love that quote. i tweeted it a while ago and it has not left me! Truth really has a way of settling in your heart! Thirdly, thank you for your very touching comment on my blog today. I hope you dont mind my tweeting/facebooking: “You are beautiful in His eyes and His eyes are the only ones that matter.” what a beautiful and eye-opening statement. God bless precious friend
    Tracy

  11. Hi Kim,
    I have that sore spot as well! It is neat to see so many women on the internet covering this topic…until the whole internet hears, is how I feel!
    Blessings,
    ~jolene

  13. Hi Becky,
    Welcome to The Alabaster Jar! So glad to have you sharing here.
    All wives fail as do our husbands…but Jesus never does! It is through His strength that we are transformed.
    Blessings,
    ~jolene

  14. Hi Tracy,
    I sometimes think it is easier to be the wife as well! I think we got the better end of the deal.
    Glad you liked the quote and no I never mind when someone wants to encourage another in the Lord based on what I’ve shared!
    Blessings,
    ~jolene

  18. Hmmm, I “stumbled” upon your site today and I so needed this. We are right in the middle of a major decision in our life and I needed this reminder. It is so to get caught up in the emotion and I ultimately want to support and lift my husband up. Thank you so much for your post and Thank you Lord for
    Leading me here today.

  20. What a fantastic post. I loved it! May I have your permission to share it at our Women’s Retreat in May? I will be teaching on respect and submission and I think this would be a wonderful tie in. I do realize that “No” is an acceptable answer to my request, but thank you either way for the wonderful, thought provoking post.

  21. Pingback: How to Embrace Your Husband As Head of the Home (when you don't really want to)

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