What does the bible say about abuse in marriage?


  1. It’s interesting to note that while “Marital Rape” is still sort of a new concept to Christian culture (as in the idea that it’s rape, not that it happens, it’s been happening “legitimately” for centuries), in Jewish culture this concept has existed for a long time. The Rabbis had decided that sex was the woman’s right, not the mans. Everything in their teaching lends itself to that. If a husband raped his wife, that’s it, she was out free and clear with settlement. In fact, in Jewish tradition the husband has a marital duty to ensure his wife is sexually satisfied!

    Now, for me, I don’t think divorce is ever a valid option, but separation definitely is. Considering how much abuse God takes from His bride (the Church), heaven-for-fend that He ever decides to divorce us.

  2. That’s interesting to know about the Jewish culture, Jay. And yes, separation is the path that I’d take as well. If the husband’s ways are not changed and no reconciliation comes to the marriage, he’ll probably go outside of God’s will for his life (like he already has) and engage in sexual immorality or file for divorce on his own.

  3. I hear you, J! And that’s a great verse! Thanks for sharing it. Yes, spouses who are continually abusive and unrepentant of their sins need to be held accountable. I’ll have to add the post I wrote on that subject matter to this post as well. Thanks for the comment!

    1. Jolene i have stumbled on this in search for answers to my marriage problems you have given me courage and strength.My husband lusts on all women.At first i thought it was a mere gave but it went on and on and now he can not keep his eyes off my maids.It is so disturbing that i want out now.I have talked with him and seen a pastor over it but in vain.eHe will long to stare at any women despite of age and looks.HE will do anything to watch them nomatter what.He will whistle ,ham,sing to draw attention of these women.Women who work in my house are just low class girls and sometimes older women but that wont stop him,Suprisingly even his niece who had come to helpwith our second daughter ,he was doing the same to her.What can i do about this.Its ashaming that even beleivers who come to our house for fellowship he does that to them,He prays and reads the bible alot but i think its all hypocrisy.He denies it and abuses me of accusing him.I have had numerous fights over that and now i seem to give up and find .my soul.I have become bitter and angry for the last 8years of our marriage.

  4. Hi Jolene. I was a severely abused wife for 25 years. Just 5 weeks after leaving my unrepentant (unbeliever) husband, he met and slept with his present partner. Does this constitute adultery seeing as I left and told him I would not try yet another reconciliation? Just wondering if my current 15 year marriage is biblical or not… Thanks for any responses.

    1. Hi Glenis,
      God looks at the heart and your motives for leaving your husband. Based on what you shared here, it sounds like you left so you could protect yourself. “Not seeking another reconciliation’… what was your heart motive behind this? What it said because of the years of constant abuse and you got fed up? If so, I totally get it! (I will always advocate a woman to leave her home if she is being abused.) Or did you say it because you wanted a new life/man/marriage? Or, would you have remained single if your ex never committed adultery? Biblically, if a spouse commits adultery, the other is permitted to remarry. I hope this helps.

  5. Hi Jolene. I left my ex husband because in the end I was so ill with fear that I couldn’t keep any food down. He refused to go to marriage counselling and when I told him if he didn’t go to marriage counselling I would be leaving in the morning, he told me to go. He said he didn’t do anything wrong. I left to save myself but I did hope to remarry one day, which I did four years later. My ex alternatively threatened and pleaded for me to return which I refused to do as after each reconciliation in the past…(and there were many), the abuse would recommence with worse injuries and disrespect for me, and the “honeymoon” phase was constantly less each time. I just couldn’t take it any more…. My new husbands’ wife left him for her boss….

  6. Hello I need some advise. I have been married for almost five years. I was 17 when my husband and I had our daughter. Well I have been pushed around, slapped, he has talked dirty to me and try’s to control me on what I can and can’t do. We have gone to concealing and he always promises he will change. I love my husband and I always would stay with my parents when it got really bad but, then would go back to him in hopes to fix our problems. He has threaten me many times and went as far as holding a knife to me and my two friends then threatening to kill himself in front of our daughter. She isscared if him. She says things like “My daddy is nean, he hits me”. I finally got the nerve to leave. I have been home for 4 months. In this time we have filed for a divorce and are right now separated. I have meet a new guy. And I have became very close to him, and we have kissed and stuff. I know this is an afultry but, family keeps telling me God will forgive me bc if my husband never abused me then I would still be with him. I don’t wanna disappoint God. Do you think God would want me to go back to my husband or continue with this divorce and move on? Please don’t think I’m a bad person. I want to do the right thing.

    1. Hi Kristin, I wanted to make sure you knew your post was important. You tried to make your marriage work and God does not want us to be hurt and abused. Like Jolene said before, the wife is to be loved like Christ loved the Church, NOT abused. Not ever. You should never feel obligated to go back to someone who physically hurts you or your child. It would be putting your child in harm’s way and as a mother I am sure you know that is the exact opposite of the right thing. But if you feel questions about moving on to a different man, you don’t have to be with another man just because you are divorced. Maybe taking some time to work on building yourself back up is just what you. I hope you are well. You did the right thing for your daughter and yourself and you should be proud of your courage.

  7. Hi

    I am so lost right now, so lost….. I have been battling emotional and verbal abuse since early on in our marriage. Each time I tried to get us help, he threatened to leave and then things would get “better”. My pastor just preached about how wrong divorce is and how he is totally against it. Finally my husband relented to get help and in both cases he has shut down further. He is not involved with our children (which may be a blessing) but it is awful. I am spiritually, mentally and emotionally done. Each time I try and “talk” he shuts me down. I have tried everything, aside from not literally turning myself into a replica of him…I am so lost. God has never left my side, which I am so thankful for. I am a SAHM, homeschooling and just don’t know what to do. He has told me I have no where to go, and what would I do, who would hire me…..man I never thought a Christian marriage would be this way.

  8. What do you think about verbal abuse? Is that really a valid form? And what of a husband who always asks for forgiveness after he speaks harshly? What does the bible say about this?????

  9. Hello i need help ! I been married four years now. We have an amazing two year old girl. But i filed for divorce finally a month ago. My husband started hitting me a year after we were married and does drugs. The cops havr been to are home plently of times. On top of that he would dissappear for days( partying). He does drugs. I cant trust him with are girl he gets so high and passes out.He has hit her twice by accident trying to hit me. Hes brought me to my knees with a gun well are daughter was there!! I left so many times and he would swear he changed. I prayed and begged God , i even fasted to help bring me closer with God, to try to get my husband to change.He finally left us 8 months ago well now that i filied for divorce hes calling begging for me back. He swears he has changed , which i have heard before. But he texted me saying he is praying to Jesus for us to get back. Im to scared to get back with him. I cant be with him i can forgive but i want to move on. Im to scared, the thought of being with him again brings tears to my eyes and makes me sick to my stomach. Im on meds and in therapy cause of him, Can someone give me advice? I been reading the bible on divorce and im not sure if i should go through with it though God dosent want divorce? Should i stay with my monster of a husband?

    1. Jojo,
      I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through. You are wise to get out of your situation. I’d stay out to protect you and your daughter. You should go to your pastor or his wife to get some counsel on your situation. Your husband says he’s changed be there needs to be proof. He should be in some type of accountability group that has nothing to do with you. And this change needs to watched over a period of months, not days. If Jesus has truly transformed him then he should be willing to get help without you living in the home.

  10. im in an extremely abusive marriage…husband and mistress playing havoc in my life..i have two kids who are severely affected. my husband is not afraid of the law…pays his way out with the police..the girlfriend wants me and my kids out of my marital home..

  11. I’m a 29 year old wife and mother of four I am a Christian woman and have been since I was very young . My abusive ex is not and never has been he is a atheist I have prayed for many years and tried to set a example but the abuse has gotten worst to the point I couldn’t live under the same roof with him anymore we have been separated for over a year and going for a devorse he is already with a nother woman and they in total now have 8 children . My question is that how can god forgive me for my devorse ?

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