1. Alright, I will start this by saying that yes, I am a man. I am 27 years old living with my fiancee who has been reading the articles you have posted on your site. You obviously have very strong beliefs and I can appreciate that. You are a god fearing woman who lives a very devout life, and that is great for you.

    I must however protest at some of the content in this article. I think that with some of the other articles, you are misguided, have a different view, or we just plain think differently. But with paraphrasing some of your article, you are actually telling people they should stay in a marriage where the husband is abusive. If you have influence over anyone with your blog, this is not just a wrong viewpoint but a dangerous one.

    There are many abuse victims advocate programs telling people to get away and that their abusers are never going to change and for good reasons. There have been many many many studies done that show that abusers stay abusers and that the best thing you can do is to put some pavement between you and them and get a protection order. I understand that God can change a heart, but abusive partners are that way usually because of a chemical imbalance, not because they need an attitude adjustment.

    By telling people to stay with them, you are perpetuating the problem. God doesn’t want divorce, but he also isn’t necessarily going to stop a man from beating his wife. Telling someone to stay in a marriage and hope it will get better is the complete opposite of what you should do and you might cause someone to get hurt further, or even worse you might risk their life.

    Please consider this. My fiancee and are are both advocates for abuse victims because we have had people in our lives that have been in abusive relationships, one of them we had to help her literally escape her own house because someone like you told her it might get better if he got some help. Think about it, please.

    1. Hi Matthew,
      I NEVER advocate staying in a physically abusive relationship. I was once in a physically abusive relationship and I got out.
      These are the words I wrote in this article…
      “If you’ve got yourself an abusive husband then get out of your house until your husband gets help! And feel free to go to someone at your church, whether it’s the Pastor, Elder, overseer, etc. to let them know the situation. Believers in Christ Jesus are to be held accountable for their actions and sometimes that’s exactly what an abusive, unrepentant husband needs.”

      1. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. I guess my concern is for the article wasn’t in what you have quoted. I can see that you are very clear that they need to get out. My concern is more that in cases where the husband is abusive that you say they should wait until the husband has gotten help and then return.
        “Now just because I’ve encouraged you to pack your bags, this does not mean I’m advocating that you should divorce your husband. Quite the contrary. It just means you’re heading to a safe place until restoration can take place in your marriage. The Lord would rather His kids work things out through the church than through divorce court.”

        I would hope that with your wording that you mean when the situation has completely changed. Perhaps when the man has undergone some serious therapy and that sort of thing. However, this restoration in most cases is just not going to happen. I know the belief that with God, all things are possible. But the fact of the matter is that an abuser will continue to abuse. For their safety, I wouldn’t even recommend that an abuse victim be in the same room as their abuser ever again unless it is to press charges and divorce them.

        1. Hi Matthew,
          The quote I gave you came straight out of this article.

          “If you’ve got yourself an abusive husband then get out of your house until your husband gets help! And feel free to go to someone at your church, whether it’s the Pastor, Elder, overseer, etc. to let them know the situation. Believers in Christ Jesus are to be held accountable for their actions and sometimes that’s exactly what an abusive, unrepentant husband needs.” (See the Matthew 18 passage below.)

          The other quote you shared came out of another one.
          I’m pretty clear on physical abuse and getting out and I try to be as thorough as I can in a blog post.

          1. I do not mean to provoke an internet argument here, but the quote that I posted actually came from the paragraph following the one you quoted. Both of us pulled quotes from the very same article, I just did not quote an entire paragraph. I quoted what was relevant. But again, this isn’t meant to start a fight or anything, I posted my comment initially because I wanted to start a conversation. I believe that advocating any belief in the idea that an abusive husband might change his ways is dangerous, especially if you are in a position where people listen to you.

            1. Matthew,

              As 44 years old Christian man, I must disagree with your position. No where in Scripture that allows divorce for any kind of “abuse”. It is becoming more common for couples to seek divorce over “abuse” nowsday. In our wonderful no fault divorce court, wives are more likely get divorce easily even if her husband utter even one bad word about her without even touching her.

              1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
              1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

              God did not suggest but COMMAND that wife shall not depart from her husband for any reason. Knowing that most of his children won’t listen, God clearly warned, “BUT” and “IF.” she did depart from her husband, she must remain UNMARRIED as long as her husband live or work on reconciliation. Of course, God NEVER allowed anyone to abandon their spouse to greener pasture with someone else to take over the spouse’s place. Of course, many people will not like it and will do anything to justify their sinful desire to marry someone else.

              But today, divorce and remarriage is out of control in America. On dating sites like Match.com, POF.com, etc., if you search for someone, you will end up with long listing of DIVORCEES than you will see singles or widow. You will be in risk of committing ANOTHER SIN by marrying someone else while your husband or wife life. Don’t

              That is why God takes marraige very seriousily. YOu made a vow. YOu promised to keep covenant, no matter what. For better or for worst. The “abuse” is not the worst out there that you can divorce your spouses, do you realize this? You can physically seperation for a while and work on marriage. If the spouse still refuse or improve, you still can’t divorce!

              That is why Jesus’ disciples were stocked with how strict God is on marriage:

              Mat 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
              Mat 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

              That is why I advise to SINGLES to think careful about the COMMITMENT of marriage. Once you made a vow (covenant), you cannot break it. Not even abuse can break it! God wants us to learn to be like him…. to FORGIVE and BE PATIENT and BE WILLING to work with your spouse rather than seeking an easy way out like the world!

  2. Hi,
    I have been married for 30 years…we were saved about 14 years ago. About 2008 I was grieved with my husband waking me up in the middle of the night having sex with my feet. I thought it repulsive and asked him to stop doing this and to have affection Gods way. He got offended and cut me off ever since …..not even hugging or a kiss….I had told my 20 yr old daughter and she agreed that it was wrong…however did not want me to seek the churches advise as to make him accountable to someone. he goes to church every sunday but is mostly angry….no joy….and makes me feel it is my fault…..I will continue to trust the Lord….

Comments are closed.