1. I was saved at a young age but have in to sex before marriage Both times. This has always bothered me because i should have known better. Also since my second husband and i had both been married before that made us commit adultery. I’ve asked forgiveness but since i was already saved prior to my marriages, I still have alot of regret and unforgiveness of myself.

    1. Anissa, we serve a loving and forgiving God. Your sins are washed away! Don’t let the Enemy rob you of your joy in Jesus. He paid a great debt when He hung on the cross for all of our sins.

  2. While I’ve done a lot of wrong things in my life, saving myself for marriage was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! In fact, I feel for those who haven’t had my experience yet I know we all must make our own way in life. Waiting for the husband God made for me made the whole experience an event rather than something that just happened because “everyone has a first time.” We have three children and I’ve spoken of purity to them often over the years to only find out that my first two children have robbed themselves by engaging in premarital sex. Ah, that was a disappointing discovery yet I don’t think I understood before then how strong the pressures of this society are. Sex is everywhere, but no matter what Hollywood says, God knows best and messages like yours are very helpful. Thank you!

    1. Ellie,
      Thank you for sharing your story! Yes, I can imagine that as a mom you probably ached when you heard about your kiddos. Thankfully we have a Savior who redeems us in spite of Hollywood!

  3. My husband and I waited until after we got married and we have no regrets for that. Just think how much easier it will be to encourage our children to wait when we were able to do so. The best part though is that we are each the only person the other one has ever dated. My husband was my first date and my first kiss and, God willing, he will also be my last. I never saw the point in dating someone that I couldn’t see myself marrying and so I saved myself from the heartache and baggage a dating history would’ve gotten me to wait for someone I knew could potentially be my future spouse.

  4. Thank you for this wonderful post! I love your transparency and honesty. My husband and I were virgins when we were married but it is great to hear that people who didn’t wait can still be redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus and have a strong, healthy marriage. We are new creatures in Christ and your life absolutely proves this to be true. May God continue to bless you ministry.

    1. Hi Lori,
      I love hearing how you and your man waited! What a blessing. And yes, a strong, healthy marriage is possible when Christ is the focus regardless of one’s past. Every single person who is truly repentant and Christ is their Lord and Savior can live a glorious and transformed life. That is the power of the Cross.

  5. I had a similar experience as Hannah’s–my husband was my first date, my first kiss, and the only person I’ve ever been involved with sexually. We were virgins on our wedding night, although it was not easy to say no to temptation before our marriage. Now we are forgiven of the mistakes we did make, and I’m so thankful we waited–there’s just nothing like knowing that my body is his, his is mine, and we’ve never given ourselves to anyone else and never will!

    Thank you for this post, Jolene–Gospel-filled, practical advice, and heartfelt and honest!

    1. Hi Jamie,

      Loved hearing about your story. What a blessing it is to hear that young people today are waiting and they have no regrets because of it! To God be the glory.

  6. Jolene, thanks for the reminder and encouragement to wait–as admittedly difficult as it is! And from what other Christian marriage bloggers have shared, great sex often doesn’t happen overnight–it can take years of patience and learning together; but those are things that God can use to help build and strengthen the relationship.

  7. Jolene,
    I was married for almost 30 years to a Christian man. I was pure when I got married and I was absolutely faithful to him.
    I was robbed of the best years of my sexual life through a marriage with a selfish lover. I can count the number of orgasms I had in those three decades, on one hand! I did everything God wanted me to do. I was a Christian from an early age, I went to a Christian college, I raised my children in a Christian home, I prayed with them and with my husband. We went to Christian seminars on marriage. We all attended church together.
    Because I had not ever had a sexual relationship before marriage, I did not even understand what sexual compatibility was and how healthy it is to have a partner who gives you pleasure and wonderful orgasms in the safe haven of marriage. (even though I gave both of those to my husband)
    I would not wish this on a friend or a daughter or even my worst enemy. Regular, pleasurable sex within marriage is wonderful and it is healthy.
    Since then, I have found a man who is an amazing lover. Since I am middle-aged, I have decided that I will NOT spend my remaining years unfulfilled sexually. And I disagree absolutely with the poster above me… if it takes YEARS to have great sex together, something is really, really wrong in the relationship. After I was no longer married, I was able to immediately have GREAT SEX, right away! Turns out it wasn’t MY FAULT in the marriage! My ex-husband, the great Christian, was a really poor, selfish lover.
    Like I said, I don’t pretend to have all the answers. My marriage was not all bad; we had two wonderful children together. But I believe I missed out on one of God’s wonderful gifts during my marriage, and I don’t know how to reconcile that with waiting to have sex until you are married. Orgasms are healthy, and pleasurable, and God wants us to experience that within marriage. I wonder how many Christian women have grown to feel that they don’t LIKE sex, when, in reality, they just don’t like BAD SEX. They simply have never been with someone who cared enough to adequately pleasure them. In your video on keeping passion in marriage, you kept listing all the reasons a woman might not want to have sex that were issues with the woman (tired, etc.). Believe you me, if my husband had given me wonderful, pleasurable orgasms, I would have been in bed with him early every night and excited to experience the pleasure of sex with him. The problem is not always with the woman.
    When I was married, I never talked about sex with my Christian girlfriends. But after my marriage ended and I learned the ways that a man could help a woman come to orgasm, I started asking my Christian girlfriends, what do you think about oral sex? After her jaw dropped, one of my very conservative Christian girlfriends said, “I think it’s GREAT!” I was shocked. I had never had that pleasure, nor been allowed the pleasure of giving that, in my marriage. Another Christian girlfriend told me, “Oh, my husband knows that he has to give me oral sex if I am going to come because I just can’t climax during regular intercourse.” I realized that there ARE Christian husbands out there that help their wives have orgasms. When I hear about women who have these kinds of husbands and just don’t feel like having sex with them, I simply cannot understand it.
    Human sexuality is complicated. It is much more complicated than a simple decision about whether or not to have sex before you get married.
    I was really upset with God when I found out that my conservative, evangelical Christian girlfriends had been having lovely orgasms for years when I had not. Believe me, it was quite eye-opening to discover, at age 50, that my former husband was a horrible lover.
    Please just be careful and know that sexual problems in a marriage can occur even when both people enter the marriage with sexual purity. And sometimes those problems are irreconcilable. (My husband filed divorce papers on me for other reasons… I would never have been unfaithful to him, and I thank God every day now that I am not married to him anymore.)

    1. Lily, I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through. And yes, physical intimacy is a complicated thing. However, it’s biblical to remain pure before marriage. No matter what we go through and the pain that we may endure, our Heavenly Father knows best. I’ve experienced a host of physical conditions that causes issues in my own marriage bed. You can read more about it here: http://joleneengle.com/20-reasons-a-wife-doesnt-want-to-have-sex-a-link-up/

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