Unmade Bed w/Song of Songs 1:4


  1. Excellent post. This often a discussion that Christians don’t have, for the very reasons you mentioned. I think a part of the problem is the idea that God is only interested in the spiritual, which is just plain false. Throughout the Old and New Testaments, we are given instructions regarding our physical doings. One of the clearest examples of this is James 2-14: “Faith without works is dead.”

    We are constantly reminded that our spiritual faith manifests itself in a physical way. The seed that fell on the good soil sprouted and grew strong plants; a tree is known to be good by its good fruit.

    We know from these examples that God is not only interested in the spiritual. He made man with a body and He would not have done so without a purpose. He also promises that we will be given a new body in Heaven. Why bother if the physical isn’t important? The body, the physical aspects of our lives, are just as important as the spiritual.

    1. Indeed, Catherine! Well-put. I believe that our physical bodies can live out what is in our spirit and heart — which I pray is the spirit and heart of Jesus.

  2. Really really appreciate this post. 🙂 It drives me bonkers that so many Christian women see or hear the word “sex” and think it’s like saying a swear word or that it’s inappropriate to even discuss. I love that you point out God literally designed our female body for pleasure. What a glorious gift!

    1. Thanks, Rosann! Great observation. I’m amazed at times when a woman actually whispers “sex,” like it can’t be spoken aloud. The world’s version of sex is tainted, but God’s gift of sex is still as pure and beautiful as He made it.

  3. Thank you for this post! I’ve never struggled with guilt about my unusually high craving for sex with my husband, but I often do feel like maybe I’m a bit of a freak compared to other Christian female acquaintances… My husband reminds me that the “marriage bed is undefiled” when I start wondering why I seem to be different in this area. Why would Christ compare our relationship w/ Him to the intimacy between husband & wife if He frowned upon sex? And 1Peter gives us instruction on how to love this EARTHLY life… Why would God give us instruction on how to love life if people are correct in their idea that we aren’t supposed to enjoy any earthly pleasures? Of course He wants us to enjoy the various aspects of His creation (including each other’s bodies)! That only brings Him glory when we enjoy the things He created. It’s when those things become idols (more important than Him) or are used in the wrong timing (in this instance, before or outside marriage) that they are wrong.
    Thank you for your honest & refreshing post on such an important and avoided subject. Can’t wait to read more of your posts.

    1. Thank you, Dawn! I’m thrilled that this post spoke to where you are in your marriage. It does seem unbelievable at times that God compared his relationship to us in the same way as this one-flesh relationship of marriage that involves sexual intimacy. But marital intimacy has the potential for such feelings of connection and pleasure, that I think it mirrors what we will have with our Father someday in Heaven.

      Great point about sex having the potential to become an idol. Of course, in its proper context, sex is a beautiful blessing and a very important facet of a good marriage. Blessings!

  4. I love this. Not ashamed to admit that I have a healthy sex drive and my hubby and I are (generally) extremely satisfied in our sex life. It’s constantly a work in progress, of course–fighting my own selfishness–but we’re at a good place sexually. Our two best friends, a married couple, are people we can be completely open with, and the wife of this couple and I get a kick out of mentioning to each other how great our sex lives are. We don’t go into detail, of course, but we definitely encourage each other and cheer each other on. It’s a blessing to have a friend like that, and one who doesn’t freak out when sex comes up in the conversation! 🙂

  5. Thank you for this… I have often spoken up in groups of women for the joy of a real sexual relationship in marriage, not just getting the job done for a man’s sake…and I have kind of gotten a wide eyed response most of the time! I was a virgin when I married and truly God woke up my desire when I met my husband.I have been hot for him ever since, and sex is better now than 17 years ago, because part of the fun is learning and making memories together. I never miss your blog and share it regularly…thank you for being a positive, fun, Godly voice for a great sexual relationship in marriage! And now, I am off to bed 🙂

  6. Love this post. My wife is undeniably sex-positive and high-drive, but even as someone whose ministry is encouraging intimacy within Christian marriage, I can see that she finds it difficult to admit publicly that she is wired the way she is and that she passionately enjoys sex, and a lot of it at that, for fear of alienating other women around her.

  7. I whole-heartedly agree that we should not let the wonderful gift of sex go by the wayside. I think that many times, women stop having sex because they are busy, tired, overworked, etc. and eventually forget that it is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. I like that you mentioned Song of Solomon because this book definitely depicts what sex is supposed to look like. We should never be ashamed for enjoying something God created. Sex is not dirty. It has been perverted by the WORLD, and we should not fall victim to the perversions of the world :).

  8. Love it! I think this is a serious issue for some. Like you said if talking about wanting your husband some people just look at you like you are crazy! Thank you for giving the reminder that God gave us this blessing!

  9. I think this was a wonderfully written article. Something that I thought about after I read it was, I don’t feel like men have it a lot different than women in the church when it comes to this subject. If a Godly man says something like, “Sex with my wife is very important to me and to my marriage,” then he is often viewed as shallow and almost like a pervert. It seems that in many ways the church does not do a good job of teaching that sex within marriage is rich, that it is awesome, and that it is important and that we should enjoy it to it’s fullest! We need to change that in churches, we need to let people know that God wants us to have sex.

    I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that if Christians understood that God wanted them to have hot, fulfilling sex lives and they started having hot, fulfilling sex lives, that maybe we would have more happy marriages in the church and that the divorce rate would come down in churches and that more marriages would become more affair-proof & more porno-proof. Something to think about, I believe.

  10. I absolutely love this post because I relate so much to it. My question is, what does a newly wedded christian wife(like me) with a God given high sex drive(like mine) do if her husband hasn’t got as high a sex drive?

    When we got married, he had just started his Masters degree. We had a lot of tuition bills and after wedding bills to pay. The stress seemed to affect his sex-drive but it didn’t do anything for mine. How can I get him to have a high sex drive? Or should I wait for the stress to die down.

    1. This is very unfortunate that you are finding out about this area of incompatibility after you married.
      Life is always stressful, and as the years go by, it is likely his drive will not get any higher. He is just that way.
      I was married for almost 30 years to a Christian man who was incompatible sexually with me. To put it in a genteel way, he got happy during sex bit I did not. Only after the marriage ended did I realize that I liked sex. I just did not like bad sex with him. Marriage is the appropriate place for wonderful sex. Our Christian ideal of waiting until you get married does not help us marry a person with whom we are compatible sexually. Lots of women do not have a high sex drive. That is a special gift you have been given, and I pray that you find a way to work this out.

  11. Plain and simply put, this was an awesome post. I hope that the church can do better job of teach married couples that sex is awesome and that it is okay to enjoy it.

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