“How can I take my children to the Cross when I can’t even get there myself?”
Those were the words that ran through my mind today.
Physically exhausted from all of the packing and purging, cooking and cleaning, laundry and learning.
Mentally overwhelmed because of the road ahead.
More news. The straw that broke the camel’s back, pierced my soul.
I became spiritually paralyzed. Numb. Unable to function.
I make a phone call to my Beloved and share the news with him. I tell him of my hurting heart.
We are one. He knows my fears and insecurities. He knows what sends me to the dark places. “And the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8
“Mommy, what’s wrong, they ask?”
They hug me.
I reassure them it has nothing to do with them.
“Life is just hard right now boys,” I say.
Lord, will life ever get any easier? I wonder.
I don’t want to cause them to stumble in their faith because of how I am handling my struggles and pain.
I hold on to the promises of the Lord working in their lives as well.
My youngest will be 10 in a few short weeks. Because we are moving, he is having a difficult time giving up his things. The home that we’re heading to can’t fit all of our stuff. Just things we need and a little bit of what we want, but a life changing move none-the-less. Hard on the little guy.
My 11 year is starting to doubt that our life will get any easier. He’s struggling with all of the change and letting go of things.
Over the past few weeks I have reminded them daily that what we do have is most important…Jesus and our family.
God has a great plan for them I know.
But in that moment of my debilitating pain I couldn’t take them to the Cross.
My fears: Are my actions going to cause them to turn their eyes away from the Lord? Harden their hearts towards God? Become bitter? Turn from us when they are older?
They continue to look on.
“What’s wrong Mommy?”
Will they see Jesus in me or just my flesh?
How can I take them to the Cross when I can’t get there myself. The words continue to echo through my mind.
My Beloved comes home.
He turns on worship and praise music. He knows what lifts my weary and hurting soul.
He speaks with the boys and listens to their hearts.
They do not want to give their things up.
They do not want to keep moving.
Dinner is shared and prayers are prayed.
My Beloved takes the boys to the Cross as he gives them instructions on being a “Man After God’s Own Heart.
“David, the man who loved God was also a warrior,” he reminds them. They know the warrior’s stories well.
“When David was running from Saul, where did he hide?” He asked.
“The cave,” was the boys’ response.
“Could David take his bed or his toys with him?” were my Beloved’s words.
“No,” they said with a smile.
“What happened to David?” He asked. “He returned to the palace, but instead of being a servant, he became the King.”
“We will continue to move as often as the Lord calls us to,” he says.
He reminds them, “The road ahead will be hard for all of us, but we are warriors. I need you to be strong. We will get knocked down a lot, but we need to get up again.”
He shares with them that I got knocked down today. “But she’ll get back up”, he says, as he looks at me with a smile on his face.
“If you are a warrior for the Lord, your life won’t be easy,” he says. “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:10-12
He ministers to my soul as he washes me in the Word. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.” Ephesians 5:25,26
Later, he turns to me and says, “Will you write today?” He knows when I do, that I am in the presence of the Master.
I say no, but yet I do, because it is here that I am at His feet; where He is breathing life into my soul.
My Beloved, anointed and appointed by God to be the spiritual leader of the home, carried me to the Cross today. “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Ephesians 5:23”
Two warriors together, holding the hands of warriors-in-training, seeking to stand for Christ, even in the midst of pain.
If you are in Christ, then you, my friend, are in a spiritual battle! The devil wants to destroy you just like he wants to destroy me and my family. He wants to knock us down and keep us down so we are useless for the Master.
Swoosh, goes the sound of my sword.
Do you have yours out too?