Dear Weary Wife in Need of Hope

You call yourself the dutiful wife.

The wife who has lost her joy.

One who is weary.

Hopeless.

I read your letters and I hear the pain in your heart and I can imagine the tears falling from your eyes.  The sparks that you once held for your man are now gone.  There’s no common ground between the two of you.  You feel all alone and left to handle everything.  You’re broken.  Wounded. Weary.  And losing hope fast.

In some ways, I understand your pain because I know what it’s like to lose hope.

When I think of my journey of following the Lord and the trials I’ve endured– I cry, too. Real tears.  Tears that have left me wondering, “Where is my Savior in all of this?”

When you lose joy in your journey of life, despair is knocking on your door and the loss of hope is right there with it.  So, I get it and I get you, and I get the dutiful wife thing.  And I understand what it’s like to go through the motions and experience no joy.

But wait, I’m a Christian woman and shouldn’t a Christian woman experience joy?  Well, yes, that’s the answer you’ll find in the Bible.  But sometimes Christian women who earnestly seek the Lord, day in and day out, will need to learn where true joy comes from–it comes from knowing Jesus Christ.

But I know Jesus and I haven’t always experienced joy in my life.  So I wondered… 

Was there something wrong with me? 

Did I not know Jesus well enough?  

Was I not reading my Bible long enough?  

Did I not attend Bible studies often enough?  

Why wasn’t I experiencing joy?

What was I missing?

What was I doing wrong?

Those were my questions to my Lord.  But He didn’t give me the answers right away.  Nor did He respond to me the next week, or month, or year.   His answer to me regarding my joy problem came close to a decade later.  It was a long wait for this impatient gal.  But it was worth it.

Hard lessons were learned while I lived in depression and despair.  The waiting refined me and tempered me, but I didn’t like it one bit, being that I’m an impetuous, Peter-like personality  But God knew this daughter of His needed to be tempered.  And yes, the tempering hurt, but the tempering also worked at maturing me in my faith.

My faith was tested just like Peter’s when Satan asked the Lord if he could sift him as wheat.  I know that passage of Scripture all too well because I was sifted too.

And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat.  “But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”  Luke 22:31,32

It’s hard to experience joy when you’re being sifted by the Enemy and your faith is being tested.  But continue to hold on to the Lord and His promises.

Or perhaps you’re in the waiting and wondering stage of your spiritual growth.  For our flesh, it’s certainly a hard place for us to be in.  But there is hope….

Ironically, I actually found a lot hope in the Proverbs 31 woman’s passage.  I say ironically because when you try to emulate all this woman did throughout her life, you’ll probably be left feeling exhausted, worthless, overwhelmed, and in due time, you can add weary to the list.

But what I found at the very end of the chapter is the prescription, at least for me, that showed me the path of joy.

I’ve known the verse for years.  It’s a verse that I held close to my heart before I got married.  But after I married and had kids somehow I got caught up in all the other things this woman did throughout her life.  Things I tried to do that left me feeling exhausted.  And I don’t know about you, but when I’m exhausted on a daily basis, it’s really hard for me to eek out an ounce of joy.

A woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.  Proverbs 31:30

I find my joy in pleasing the Lord, rather than pleasing others or pleasing my flesh by way of my standards, expectations, or lofty ideals.  Pursuing the latter will leave me depleted of joy.

I find joy in my relationship with Jesus Christ, not in my life’s circumstances.

I find joy in His strength, not my own.

I find joy from knowing Christ more, not from getting more out of life or from what others can give me.  My husband, children, family, and friends will hurt me, disappoint me, and fail me (as I do them). And my possessions will eventually break, rust and rot away.

Yes, I will continue to work with my hands, watch over my household, and be the kind of wife who influences my husband toward godliness rather than seek to change him, because only the Holy Spirit can change a man’s heart.

And when things don’t go my way I’ll let it go and let God deal with it.  I will throw off the burdens that I’m not meant to carry because those burdens are for my Father to deal with and not me.  I’ll gladly yield to Him and let Him do His part, while I do my part.  And when I do this, I get to see miracles happen right before my eyes.  And well, that’s just awesome to see!  It also alleviates the pressures in my life and builds my faith at the same time.  It’s a win-win!

And if my husband doesn’t meet my needs, I’ve got a God who always will.  I’ll lean on Him, run to Him, seek His approval and ask Him to refuel me and comfort me.  Because His love always endures and He never grows weary.

When I look at the passage below, I see a path that will lead me to joy, peace, and rest so I am no longer a weary wife, but rather a wife filled with the joy of the Lord; a hopeful wife.  And I want to whisper to you, weary wife, seek this path as well.

Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.  He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.  Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.  Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret–it only causes harm.  Psalm 37:4-8

7 Steps to Finding Joy as a Wife

1. Delight yourself in the Lord.
2. Commit your ways to Him.
3. Rest in Him.
4. Wait patiently.
5. Do not fret.
6. Cease from anger.
7. Forsake wrath.

As wives, our source of joy comes from knowing and seeking The Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, rather than seeking and expecting our earthly groom (or our circumstances) to bring us joy.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle

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