1. I completely understand where you are coming from. It has been a hard thing for me to allow my husband to be the ultimate decision maker in our marriage. I am used to making my own decisions and be very independent. I’ve had to learn to be the wife God wants me to be. I’m with you, I think it shows more strength to be respectful and submissive than it does for me to go out and drive the tent pegs.

    1. Hi Keelie,
      You’re not alone! I’m sure all wives struggle with their man being the final decision maker! 🙂 Glad to hear that no matter how you feel, you’re desiring to be the wife God wants to be!

  2. Can I say thank you for this? No really, a hearty and sincere thank you. I am wrestling with my faith right now, and this is really one of the most pressing reasons. I don’t fit in with church ladies. I probably won’t ever and that stings a little. But I love and sincerely respect the amazing man I married. And I try my best not wield the sword. But I feel like an outcast in so many ways when it feels like this constant pressure to become someone I am not. Great article.

    1. Aww, sweet friend, be you! You’re called to be set apart but you’re also part of the body of Christ. Don’t worry about fitting it. Just seek Christ and please Him first and foremost. Give it some time and I think you’ll start to see things a bit differently.

  3. Jolene, this post has been so convicting to me. Everything, every single line hit home. Thank you so much for your ministry and your help.

  4. Thank you so so so much for this! I have been struggling with balancing my personality and knowing the difference. I don’t fit in with the ladies at my church cause I have to many standards on myself at times. Then somedays i feel like i have found a balance. Other days i feel like I did not follow my convictions with these ladies. I honestly am tired of being a double minded wave tossing around. This really just helped me to understand that it is okay to be me and to keep walking.in this journey toward God. I know he will help.me have one mind with him.

    1. Yes, Jenny knowing the difference between our personality and our sin is what’s needed! You and I fit in with Jesus and that’s all that truly matters! He accepts you for who you are and He absolutely adores you!

  5. What a fantastic article! I have a strong personality, but I aim to be submissive and respectful of my husband. You have done a great job outlining how I can do both. I’ve felt this way, but have not had the words to say it. I’m sharing this!!!

  6. there is one more thing in specific that would be on this list that I struggle with deeply; submission. granted, all women must struggle with this in general. however, it is a constant rock in my shoe. a thorn in my side. to choose to not control and overpower my husband in all aspects of our marriage and in raising our child. last night, I (surprisingly) bit my tongue very literally for the first time and it hurts just as bad as I hear it would have. it’s hard to not feel like I’m not the same person anymore when im always feeling like im not making my own decisions all the time. I feel lost. alone. and not who I was when I first met my husband. I do feel like ive grown in Christ, yes. but at the expense of feeling like im letting my husband control my life. dont get me wrong, my husband is a great man, i just have major controlling issues with a mouth to go with it. thank you for your article. we go to a very small church that was a church plant a few years ago and im the youngest by many years and has the biggest mouth by far. man, do I wish you lived near me!

    1. Hi Cat, oh, the ‘s’ word! Look at it as supporting him and perhaps this perspective will help you? And consider sharing with him what you shared with me about feeling controlled and having decisions made for you. You’re his wife, not his child. The two of you should make decisions together as one flesh.

      Growing in Christ should make you and I a better version of us and that is the change that we should embrace.

  7. Hi Jolene, I enjoyed reading this article soooo much! My personality is definitely that of Jael & driving tent pegs but my husband is totally different. I love how you distinguished the strong personality from the sin nature and this will help me as I examine myself. I learn so much from you all the time, thanks for allowing the LORD to use you.

  8. Hi Jolene! This article was very inspiring, heart warming and made me smile 🙂 I do not attend a church where I can fellowship with other women, so reading your post is the closest I get to that kind of interaction. However, I fellowship with the Lord daily and I’m certain that God is smiling down upon you for reaching out to all of us strong-willed women and for your ability to use your ministry to connect us with His Word. Thank you for your bravery to post His will to the public, and God bless you!

  9. Thank you so much for sharing! I really needed to hear this. God bless you sister. / Emma

  10. Wow, this answered all the questions I asked God. I’m a woman of strong character … But the “strong” that was molded out of my struggles growing up which caused me to always having to defend myself. I always pray for God to reset me and undo all the traits that my sins have planted in my personality so that I can be able to be an amazing wife to my amazing but also strong charactered husband (getting married in 5 months). With what I’ve learned with you is that I don’t have to unlearn, I just have to know when, where and how to apply what’s already in my personality and that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not defective after all!! Thank you for your straight forward teaching

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