Not too long ago I saw a video clip of the recent Women’s March and my heart was saddened by all of the pain these women were wearing. They suffered injustices and betrayals. They were lied to and taken advantage of and they were let down by others.
As I watched the video, I couldn’t help but understand them, after all, I was a former feminist. Sure, a couple of decades have passed by and I no longer wear the title but I can relate to their perspective since I once held it. I can tell you at the core of their hearts they’ve been hurt, confused, and deceived. When a heart has been wounded one too many times, it becomes hardened and angry.
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of feminism is: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
This sounds like a wonderful cause. In fact, I’m all for it.
When the feminist movement started, it was for good reason. There were severe problems taking place in society. Problems of women being mistreated, abused, oppressed and viewed as property. Unfortunately, this mistreatment still happens today in other countries.
But as the years have gone by, the feminist movement has changed.
I don’t care much for the label of feminist. I find the term to be divisive and the meaning of it to be murky, which is why I haven’t written much on the topic. But today’s ideology of feminism is hurting marriages and when a marriage hurts, so does the family. And as the family crumbles so does a community.
And honestly, I get it. I understand why women are so angry. I understand why they are waving their fists and shouting. They’ve been taken advantage of and mistreated by others- namely men.
But if a woman wants a man who acts like a gentleman, then she needs to act like a lady. I can tell you from firsthand experience that I was raised to be a man, not a lady. I had no idea what a feminine spirit even looked like. With three older brothers, I naturally followed their bent. I took on their aggressive personas. I acted tough. Got in fist fights at school and was sent to the Principal’s office on numerous occasions.
On top of what I pursued as a young girl, I also had a mother who wore the pants in my family and a passive, detached father. Of course, I emulated the woman I saw in the home.
And when the sexual abuse happened, my heart became harder and I got tougher, (insert: meaner). And later on in life when my heart got broken by men, and then I married a man who physically hit me, a calloused heart became the by-product. If the women’s march would have happened back in the 90’s I would’ve been leading the charge.
I was aggressive, domineering, and controlling which were all attributes of what I thought was my strong-willed personality. But I was wrong and deceived. My problem was a sin issue, not a personality issue.
Social equality in marriage will not get your man to cherish you, adore you, and treasure you. Quite the opposite will take place. If you act like a man, don’t be surprised if your husband treats you like a man. I don’t want my husband to be harsh and tough towards me. I want him to be tender and kind. Therefore, I act feminine- tender and kind.
But feminism does not promote these traits. What we see and hear from the women who wear the pink genitalia hats is not sweet words flowing from their mouths. When a woman is wounded, nothing sweet, tender, and kind comes from her lips because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. At the core of her heart is pain.
The culture screams at us to erase our God-given feminity because the culture has been hurt, confused, and deceived. They’ve been trapped and held captive by the Prince of this world who is hellbent on destroying God’s original design for womanhood. Satan has sought to deceive women since the beginning of time. In fact, in the Garden, he went straight to Eve. The cunning serpent knew his mark and it was a woman, not a man. The devil uses the same tactics to this day.
Several months ago, I was at my local grocery store and saw a young man in his 20’s shopping with his girlfriend. He was wearing a t-shirt that said, “The future is the female.” Shocked and dismayed, I nearly knocked over the banana stand by what I read. I could not believe a young man was promoting this agenda.
I’m all for equal rights in the workplace as well as the right to vote and not be a man’s property. This was why the feminist movement started. But as the feminist movement has evolved the ideology of it has changed.
Many of the messages we hear today from feminists are not in line with the Word of God. Their cause, platform, and philosophy is a blasphemous message dishonoring God.
Here are a few lies I believed when I was a feminist:
- Male leadership in marriage, family, and in the church is oppressive to women.
- Any wife who submits to her husband must be a weak woman who can’t think for herself.
- A man in charge will always be abusive.
- A wife submitting to her husband means she’s a doormat.
- Killing babies is okay, after all, it is her body.
- The female gender should be worshipped. Men should bow down to us and meet our every demand, after all, we are divas and goddesses.
- I need to take charge and be in control because I can’t trust men because all men are liars and evil.
- Feminism is in direct opposition to being a subordinate of any kind. Yet, for some strange reason, we justify that it is okay to submit to a boss (otherwise we’d get fired.) But submitting to a husband is appalling and demeaning. We’re willing to submit to a man for a paycheck but not submit to our husband. Do you see a problem with this perspective?
When you hold these views up to the Bible, are they biblical? Of course not. Seeing how the feminist movement has evolved over the years, not all women who call themselves feminists will agree with the view I once held. Again, it’s a murky movement. It’s one of the reasons why I refer to myself as a former feminist. It’s a label I will no longer wear. There are too many conflicting views between feminism and the Bible. Not to mention the fact that feminism does not cultivate a sweet and loving marriage.
Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. Colossians 2:8
I recently read a woman’s bio for her ministry to women. In it, she said her husband was her helpmate. Unbelievable. Feminism has wormed its way into the Church. Be careful what you believe, friend. This murky movement may be shaping your view of how you relate and respond to your husband or future husband.
If you’re caught up in the undertow of the Feminist Movement…
What I did to get out from under this unbiblical doctrine is read my Bible. No one took my hand and told me all of the lies of feminism. You can always tell a counterfeit when you spend time with the real thing. God’s Word and the power of the Holy Spirit, will lead you to truth.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
But keep in mind that God won’t transform you if you’re not willing to be transformed. Regardless of what your husband does or doesn’t do, take ownership of your own thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
How to Minister to a Feminist
Acknowledge her pain because her scars are real. And every woman has a scar.
Accept her for who she is and where she is at in life. (We’re all growing.)
Build trust with her by being her friend and listening to her.
Be an example of a feminine woman; a woman who is kind, tender, gracious, gentle, nurturing, caring, and loving. If you listen to her, you’re friendly, and you don’t judge her, she will see you as a refuge for her battered soul. Yes, I know she is angry. But underneath all that anger is a little girl who has been wounded one too many times. She is afraid to trust someone with her heart. She views vulnerability as a weakness rather than a strength. And anger is her defense mechanism. It’s her way of self-preservation. In due time, she’ll see Christ in you, and a broken, dark soul is drawn to the Light.
Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants. 2 Timothy 2:26 NLT
Live a poured out life for Christ,
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