1. April, I really loved reading your testimony. Thank you for sharing your heart. I know other marriages will be greatly blessed by your words here. 🙂 I have an incredible amount of respect for my husband, but as I was reading your story, I realized how much I think the way you did. “He’s not leading our family well enough – spiritually.” “He’s not taking his health seriously.” “He’s not avoiding worldly sinful things.” “He’s not…” “He’s not…” “He’s not…” But what about me? Am I really so perfect? Um…No! I feel very convicted that I have my own issues needing “worked on” and that mentally picking apart the people I love is the first thing I need to change.

    1. Rosann,
      I am so glad that this post was a bit eye opening for you. :). I sure wish someone had shared this with me 19+ years ago. But I am so thankful that God, in His great mercy and grace, did open my eyes.

      It is interesting that you mentioned other people. I was controlling and disrespectful toward my extended family, too. I thought I was being helpful and loving. I told people what to do because I obviously knew best for all of then. Yikes! So I did have to go to everyone in my extended family and repent and apologize for my sin against them. I learned to eat a lot of humble pie. Now, I love humble pie. But at first, it is a tough flavor to swallow. Thankfully, God showed me that what He wanted was for me to be sanctified and made more and more holy and more and more like Jesus. Dying to self and offering self as a living sacrifice is HARD. Our old sinful nature fights those things tooth and nail, but how amazing to get to live in God’s peace and joy every day and not to have fear, anxiety, loneliness and worry anymore. Jesus alone is able to meet all of my needs. My hope is completely in Him, :). I can’t wait to see what God is about to do in you.

  2. What a wonderful testimony with such great words of advice! I think we often think that our husbands feel just like we do…in other words, have the same needs and desires. However, God made us differently so we would compliment each other and be a good pair. It took me a while to understand how important respect is to a man, too. But, I’m so glad that I did! Your article was a great reminder to continue to look for ways to encourage my husband and show him respect.

    Blessings! Joan

    1. Joan,

      That is EXACTLY what I did. I assumed Greg was just like me. He isn’t!!!!! Learning about what real godly femininity and masculinity are – from God’s Word, not our culture – helped me truly understand, appreciate and marvel at my husband and God’s design. I was able to lay down my unrealistic expectations and learn to see the good in Greg.

      I am so glad that you discovered this secret already. I know your marriage and your husband are blessed. 🙂

  3. OUCH! Owwie Owwie OUCH! April – WOW – you have no idea how hard this hits! And yet I am incredibly thankful! Our lives and attitudes are remarkable similar!!! Well…. except I’m still at point “A” and I need to get to point “B”. My husband does not communicate well, either. I mean – he’s not a big talker. So it is hard to know what he is feeling. Someone had mentioned the book “Love and Respect” to me in the comment section of another post, and I thought – oh that sounds good, I’ll read it someday. I think someday is now. I am so quick to do what is right – what I THINK is right – and worry about why everybody else isn’t doing it “right.” I think as much as this is going to hurt – it is time for some serious self examination – and some serious repentance. I have a very hard time “letting go and letting God.” The paragraph you wrote about idolatry – that is a bitter pill to swallow – but it is like I am staring in a mirror. It is hard even admitting these things. THANK YOU for speaking up, and being willing to share your story. I will pray for you, and I would ask you to pray for me, that I will be open to listening to God and learning. Thank you, April. Thank you so much.

    1. Becca,

      I have been where you are!!!!! I cried for the first three days and wanted to go live in a cave for the rest of my life. I suddenly realized that almost every word out of my mouth had been sin for decades. YIKES!!!!!! I was either complaining, trying to make people submit to me, disrespecting others, controlling others, criticizing others, bitterness, unforgiveness, saying negative things, arguing, worrying, gossiping, disrespecting or causing division. I didn’t want to ever see another person ever again. I finally came face to face with the fact that I was a WRETCHED sinner. Turns out, I owe Jesus “billions” of sin dollars, not just a few hundred.

      The amazing thing was, as I spent weeks and weeks confessing more and more sin God had revealed to me, as I learned to die to self and began to actually live out the LORDSHIP of Christ for the first time in my Christian walk – the constant voice in my head, the worrying obsession, began to slow and stopped completely. I began to be able to be still before God. I had to face all my fears head on and decide God was worthy of my faith and trust. I felt like I was flinging myself off of a cliff at first. But now, you could not pay me to return to my old destructive, sinful ways.

      I have lots of posts about all of these topics. I think you will find help for your journey at my blog if you are interested. I pray that God might help me to connect the dots closer for those coming behind me than they were for me. This is a LONG journey. It is not an instant thing. It took me a good two years to feel like I had any clue what I was doing. It requires total renovation of the mind, heart and soul. It requires tearing out every idol by the root. That HURTS and it is terrifying! It requires us allowing God to look in every dark corner and remove all the gangrene from our hearts. This is the path to the greatest peace, joy and intimacy with Christ you could ever imagine.

      I am so excited about you starting this journey. I am glad to walk beside you and the other ladies. It is quite an exciting adventure!

      Much love,

      1. Update! Hey April! I have been reading the Love & Respect book – and while I didn’t like it at first, there is a lot of good info in there for both of us.

        This may seem small, but the other day we were at a sporting event, and my hubby (who drives in the city a lot) was going to parallel park my car in a VERY tight spot. I was nervous, as I cannot parallel park at all – BUT – I kept my mouth shut. He did perfectly, as I knew he would, I am just so used to sharing my concerns. It was kind of – freeing! Later, I confessed to him that I was biting my tongue and he laughed. He had known that, but he was very happy I made the effort.

        Just last night he commented how much more peaceful and relaxing our home has become, and how he feels less stress at work because he knows home is peaceful. God is so good!

        Thank you for the post! I know we have to keep working, but we are both so happy with the direction our 19 year marriage is taking…

        With love,

  4. I LOVE that entire series!!! If you look at my blog I push that series all the time. It has also helped to reshape my marriage too!! My husband is not a godly man per say, but it has still helped us.

    Great post and thanks for sharing your personal story.

    1. Crystal,
      I am so thankful for the Eggerichs work and all that God has done through them. I am also thankful that even if only one spouse pursues Christ, He gives us the power and resources of heaven to pour into our marriages and to bless our husbands and influence them for Christ. We can’t control them. That is actually a good thing! But we can inspire them by focusing on our own sin, our obedience to God and being full of His Spirit.

      It is wonderful to meet you, 🙂

  5. I’ve just discoveres this last year. Exactly as you said, we are the ones that need to change….to pit the Lord first, trust in Him and WAIT on Him. Just so thankful that He cares enough to help us in our own stupidity. I, too, pushed my husband into how I thought he should be. Now I realize he is God’s problem and I’m just waiting on Him and being faithful to the Lord. Thank you for your article. I pray that the millions of wives that are in the same boat will get a clue before it’s too late ♡

    1. Michelle,

      Yes, I pray for other wives to discover the treasure of God’s wisdom and design, too. Most of us have unknowingly swallowed poison from our culture and/or families… Not to mention our own sinful nature.

      I long to see wives walk in God’s power, wisdom, purpose and accomplish His will in our families for His greatest glory.

      I, too, am thankful EVERY DAY for God reaching out to me. There is nothing good in me on my own. I have to boast in Christ alone. 🙂

  6. Thank you so much for this article!! It was exactly what I needed to read today and helps me to see where I need to go. I know I need to be more humble and let go of a lot of past hurts. I need to trust Heavenly Father and give Him everything.

    1. Laura,
      I am so glad this post blessed you. I am very honored that Jolene invited me to post. I love sharing what God has done for me, my husband and our marriage every chance I get. I am amazed that God is willing and able to use me for His glory. There is no better purpose in the world! 🙂

      May God richly bless your walk with Christ.

  7. I love, love, love this post. My husband and I have only been married 4 years, but we’re learning that it’s important to make respecting each other a top priority. Sometimes it’s hard to make sure that you don’t take frustrations and anger out on your spouse, and most of the time we probably do it without thinking. I bet a little more respect would probably transform my marriage as well. I’m pinning this. 🙂

    1. Sarah,

      I am very pleased to meet you, :). Guess how long it took for our marriage to nosedive and for me to begin serious disrespect? 1 week.

      How I WISH I knew then even a fraction of what I know now. But I am thankful God showed me His path. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for you and I am so happy that you get to start on this road much earlier in your marriage than many of us did. What a blessing!

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