Recently, I’ve had a lot of single women write in looking for some Biblical guidance regarding their dating and/or engaged relationships. Their hearts, like all women, is to marry Mr. Right. No one wants to make the wrong choice in their spouse, so I could certainly understand some of their concerns! Oh how I wish I had the time to write a book for these gals! In the meantime, this post, as well as my Single’s Series will have to suffice.
So today I’m going to give you the #1 thing to look for in your future husband. If the guy you’re currently dating or engaged to does not have this #1 thing, then I highly caution you from furthering your relationship with him, even if that means you need to call of the wedding. It’s better to call off a wedding then be married to the wrong person!
The #1 Thing a Christian Woman Should Look for in a Husband…
He loves Jesus Christ more than he loves you or anybody else, (including himself!)
When a Christian woman is dating a man that either doesn’t believe in God or says he believes in God but his life does not reflect the fact that he has surrendered it to the Lord, then it is impossible for him to love you the way God designed husbands to love their wives. In a nutshell, if you choose to date/marry a man who does not submit his life to Jesus Christ you will most likely be disappointed in your marriage.
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 2 Cor. 6:13,14
New Living Translation…
Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 2 Cor. 6:13,14
Any unmarried woman reading those verses would be making a grave mistake if she chooses to date/marry a man that does not follow the Lord. God put those words in the Bible for our protection. Friend, heed the Word of God and trust in the Lord!
As a single woman, you need to become a ‘fruit examiner’ of the potential suitors that come your way. Now you might be asking, “What’s a fruit examiner?”
Well, let me tell you.
The Bible says you’ll know them by their fruits.
“You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it. “Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves. You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. Matthew 7:13-18
You can tell by a person’s actions and attitude if they are a true follower of Christ.
When I was a single woman I didn’t know much about the Bible nor exactly what to look for in my future husband. But one thing I did do is surrender my will and the choosing of my husband to the Lord. I placed that responsibility into His hands because I at least knew that God was brighter than I was (and still am!) By the way, I so don’t regret this decision!
Now here’s what I did know back then…
When I met a man who called himself a ‘Christian’ yet he acted no different than the unsaved men I dated before I came to Christ, that was an indication to me that something wasn’t right with his spiritual walk.
Of course the guy could’ve been saved, but what I was desiring was a man who was deeply committed to following Christ, not a man who was so easily swayed by his flesh. I was seeking a mature man of God. Not a man who just gave his heart to the Lord. After all, the man I was going to marry had the responsibility to spiritually lead me and I wasn’t willing to place that role into just any man’s hands.
In my very little understanding of the Scriptures I watched the guys actions and attitudes (their fruit) to see if what they said (their believe in God) lined up to what they did.
Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. John 14:23 (NIV)
I wanted a man who truly loved Jesus; one who obeyed Him.
If a man is not solely committed to pleasing the Lord, guess what? He’s not going to love you very much. Now you may be thinking that your guy loves you so much today and it will always be like that throughout your marriage, well, I can pretty much guarantee you that will not always be the case.
I realize you have so much in common.
You talk all the time.
He makes you laugh.
He hangs on your every word.
He brings you flowers and takes you to nice places, etc.
But I’m here to tell you those things will change.
The reason why I can say these words so emphatically without knowing the love you and your man have for one another is because of the Scriptures.
The Bible says that the husband is to love his wife like Christ loved the Church. This is not a mere suggestion, but rather a command by God.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Eph. 5:25
God knew the tendencies that husbands would have once they married their wives.
He knew the man would stop wooing and winning the heart of his woman.
He knew the man would become complacent in his marital relationship.
He knew the man would become distracted by various pursuits.
And He knew a man’s tendencies would be to lust after other women.
Therefore, our wise Creator gave our men a command. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Eph. 5:25
So dear sister, if you want your future husband to love you the way that Christ loved the church, then your man needs to love Jesus Christ more than he loves you.
He’s got to be submitted to Christ’s will for his life rather than his own.
When you’ve got a man who lives out his life in submission to the Lord, that is the type of man you’ll want to consider for marriage. Don’t settle for anything less!
Here’s a simple gauge for you:
His character should cause your character to become more holy, not happy.
Is your man’s devotion to Christ leading you closer to the Lord or further away from Him?
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Cor. 15:33
Not sure of what a true follower of Christ looks like? Check out this post on The 8 Earmarks of a Christian Husband.
Now let’s talk about the man you believe God brought to you; the man you prayed for. Yet your man is not a Believer. Well, my dear friend, God did not bring you that man to be your husband because God can not contradict Himself. *God’s will for you is not to bind you to an unbelieving husband. This would go against His nature. The Scriptures tell us not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. 2 Cor. 6:13
Keep in mind that Satan appears as an angel of light. He is known as the Deceiver. His desire is to pull you away from the Lord. If he can use a man to do that, he certainly will!
When the Lord moves in your life, it will line up with the Word of God.
When Satan moves in your life, it will be contrary to the Word of God.
Don’t follow your feelings, follow the Word of God.
Now let’s look at a man who believes in God but he’s not actively pursuing God. In your mind you believe he has the potential to grow in Christ. Well every man/woman on this planet has the potential to grow in Christ. Hitler even had that same potential. Bottom line: unfortunately not all men choose to follow the Lord.
Now let’s look at the man who does not know Christ. Perhaps you think you’re the one who can bring him to the Lord? Well, that’s certainly a possibility! By the way, this is referred to as missionary dating. (I believe you’re playing with fire on this one.)
Have you already shared the Gospel message with him? If not, why not? If you have, has he received the free gift of salvation? Or has he rejected it? If he has rejected it, why would you want to compromise your spiritual well-being in order to be with him?
One last thing for you to think on…
Let’s say you met two great men and each one wanted to take you out. One was a strong follower of Christ and the other one was not. Which one would you be most excited to go out with? (I’m assuming your answer would be the Believer!) 🙂
Don’t second-guess what the Lord is capable of doing in your life. You are His daughter and He knows exactly what man you need. Follow His lead and let Him hook you up to the one He has chosen just for you.
*If you’re married today to an unbelieving spouse, God deems him as the right one for you. God views the two of you as one flesh. Remember that you serve a redeeming God who can do all things. And God works all things together for His good. Romans 8:28