To Date or Not to Date, That is the Question

In this post, I’m continuing my Smitten for Him Single Series, and today I’m tackling the question: To Date or Not to Date?

Dating is very common in our culture today, in fact, even young teenagers date, which by the way, I’m not an advocate of.  Casual dating for fun can lead to lots of heartache, s*xually related activities and/or pre-marital s*x.  None of these things are beneficial nor spiritually uplifting.  And God’s word is clear to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.But let’s also address the emotional side to dating.  Perhaps you know how it feels to get dumped by a guy.  Your heart hurts because you’ve given him a piece of it and now you feel unloved and rejected.  Or maybe you’ve dumped the guy.  Oh, that is always an uncomfortable experience!  Now imagine for a second the way that guy felt?  Did you ever stop to think that his heart could hurt as bad as your heart hurt when you got dumped?  Now think of him as a brother in the Lord.  Are you sad for him just yet?

In my opinion, casual dating or dating for fun, as I like to call it, is a lose-lose situation. I believe it can cause lots of baggage to your future marriage; suitcase after suitcase filled with emotional, mental, physical and spiritual issues.  Scars, rejection, comparisons, and perhaps even shame are brought into your life-long commitment with your future husband.  Those things are hard to forget and overcome.  But of course it could be done through our sweet Jesus!  But wouldn’t you want to be as whole as possible for your most important earthly relationship?

I know this is a single series but I’m going to write a note to parents in hopes that the right marital foundation can be laid as early as possible!

My Beloved and I have made the decision that casual dating is not something our boys will participate in.  We have taught them from a young age that when they are old enough to take a wife, then that is the time to date.  In other words, date with the intention to marry.  My man has a saying in our house and it goes something like this:  “Why shop if you can’t buy.”

But perhaps you have a teen that has already dated and their heart has either been broken or they’ve broken someone else’s heart, or they have crossed some lines s*xually speaking.  Then my encouragement would be for you to ask them why they want to continue dating especially with all the heartache they have experienced and since they’re not ready for marriage.  See if you can impart in them to take a stand to go against the cultural norm and remain pure not just physically but emotionally until they’re ready to be united with their future spouse.  This will help them to lay a better foundation for married life.  Tell them it’s okay to start over even if they have some past s*xual sins or they’ve given their heart away to another.  Remind them that Jesus makes all things new!

So that’s my view on the whole casual dating idea.  I’m not a fan of it because I don’t see it to be helpful in one’s walk nor do I see it benefiting your future marriage and bringing glory to the Lord.

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.  Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 1 Corinthians 6:12,13

Now a few questions to my single readers….

Why do you want to date?

Are you ready to get married?

Do you want to marry according to God’s conditions?  (Yes, God does have some conditions for a godly marriage.)

His word says:

• a wife is to respect her husband (Eph. 5:33)
• she is to submit to her man (Eph. 5:24)
• she is to give her body to him sexually and not deprive him (1 Cor. 7:5)
• the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28)
• she is to love her children and train them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Titus 2:4, Pro. 22:6, Eph. 6,4)
• and she is to be a keeper at home (Titus 2:5)

Those are the things that God wants the wife to do.  Are you willing to submit to God’s plan for that type of marriage?  Of course God gives you free will and you don’t have to do any of those things, but walking away from the narrow path of what God has laid out in the scriptures in not the brightest path to take.  I HIGHLY caution you against doing your own thing, unless you prefer to have the type of marriage that you intend rather than the type that God intends.  Just know there is a big difference!

So, if you’re ready to date with the intentions of marriage and you desire a godly marriage here’s some things to look for in a potential husband.

• He has a heart for the Lord.  You’ll see him pleasing the Lord with not just his words, but his actions as well.
• He puts the Lord first in his life.  He’s concerned about his spiritual growth and well-being.
• He attends church on a regular basis.  He goes without you prodding or asking him to go.
• He is more into your heart for the Lord rather than your outer appearance.  He should ask you about your testimony or how you’re growing/serving the Lord.  He wants to know about your spiritual pulse so expect him to ask these type of questions.
• He encourages you to grow in the Lord.

Next in this series I’ll discuss, who not to marry!

Also, can you please pass this post on to others that might benefit from it?

Prior posts on the Smitten for Him Single Series:

What Not to Settle for in Your Future Husband

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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