Many years ago I had a lot of health issues. My body was broken in several ways. I used to tell my husband that even though my body was broken, my brain still worked.
It was in this physically broken season that the Lord called me to start this online ministry. Looking back, I can see God’s perfect plan for my life, but in 2009, I didn’t have that spiritual insight or understanding. What I had was tears of frustration and disappointment.
Fast forward to 2023, never in a million years would it occur to me that I wouldn’t be able to form simple sentences, recite bible verses and teach/mentor women. And for that reason, I had new tears.
Last November, I had plans. God-honoring, Kingdom-building plans to come back to this online ministry space, but how does one teach if she can’t remember simple words to form a sentence let alone bible verses.
I struggle to get out of this mental straight jacket.
I can’t remember a thing.
Bible verses I memorized years ago, I no longer recall.
Cobwebs cover my brain and my mind is robbed by cognitive decline. It’s one of the many reasons why I stopped my Chasing Wisdom Podcast. (If you listened each week, I’m so sorry. I was grasping for words while trying to form a sentence when doing the podcast. But while I still have a hard time finding the words in my daily life as I write to you, I can take a minute (or two) for my brain to find the words. After all, being slow to speak is not a bad thing!
Sure, I’m in menopause but is it supposed to be like this? The memory loss I was experiencing was rapid and it was alarming. It was so severe I googled signs and symptoms of dementia and told my people to brace themselves.
My brain has not been firing on all cylinders for some time now. Well over a year to be exact. It was a gradual decline at first. I thought initially I just had too much to manage and too much on my plate. And like someone who couldn’t handle it all, things got forgotten.
This season has knocked me flat on my back and I struggle to get back up. A verse I’ve been holding on to is, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. (This is one I still remember!)
Maybe you’ve had something, someone, or a situation that has put your plans on pause? Well, one thing I know is that God knows what He is doing– with my life and yours. When prayers are said in the dark and it feels like they are landing in they abyss, that is the Enemy lying to us because God hears the prayers of a righteous person.
Not knowing how to put ‘normal’ back into my every day when I no longer feel normal, I’m learning how to function when my brain has been in lockdown. And as I’ve been away from this space for a while allowing God to work on me and in me, I can trust that God has a plan for all of this.
The questions I ask myself when things don’t go the way I had hoped is,
“Do I trust God with my situation?
And where is my faith in all of this?
Maybe your plans have gone awry due to dwindling finances, a job loss, a difficult relationship or a health crisis, etc.
Know that the One who made you, and the One who put the desires in your heart, has not left your side. He’s drawing out the faith that is in you to keep trusting in Him.
4 Things You Need to Remember When Life Doesn’t Go According to Your Plans
- When you want to shake your fist up to the sky, surrender instead. God’s not done writing your story. His timing, plans and ways are perfect. You can trust Him with your life–fully.
- Wait and watch. This is when you see the mighty hand of God do miracles in your life.
- Keep the right focus. Fix your eyes on Christ, not your circumstances.
- Hold on to hope. God is with you in your journey. He just might be taking you on a detour to your dreams.
If you’re weighed down by worry or weakness, it is in this intersection where the Good Shepherd shows up with the strength to carry you, guide you and use you even in your weakness.
Live a poured out life for Christ,