Why I Used To Hate Praying With My Husband

Since I stayed up late last night eating birthday cake with my husband, I have a guest blogger joining us today.

KM Logan is sharing her heart with you about prayer in marriage.   But before we get into her post I want to tell you a few things about KM.

She is one of the first bloggers that encouraged me in this on-line ministry even though I have never met her in person! 🙂  Isn’t that neat how the Lord works?  Over the last two years KM has come by my side every now and then an offered up a helping hand to me.  She’s given me technical resources that I needed for my Facebook page, she’s offered to help me with resources for formatting and promoting my ebooks, and she even shared a part of my testimony in one of her recent ebooks for writers.

I’m humbled by her kindness towards me and this ministry.  I appreciate her heart and I think you will too!

Do you pray daily with your spouse?

2 Things happen when you pray; the first is God’s power is invited into your marriage.  The second is by communing with God together, God is intertwining your spirits deeply.

Study after study has shown that the old adage, “Couples who pray together, stay together” is true, and that couples that pray together daily have a significantly lower divorce rate.

Sounds great, right? Just start praying with your husband, and you’ll never get divorced.  The truth is for many couples praying together is very, very hard. In fact that’s probably why so few couples make a habit of regular prayer together.

When my husband and I first got married, I would get irritated every time we prayed together.  Maybe you’ve been there too.

Your eyes are closed and your husband is praying, but you’re not mentally there.  Your mind is wandering and you can’t engage.  It feels like your husband’s words are just hitting the ceiling and not being heard by God. It’s awkward.

You let out an audible sigh, or maybe you start to fidget.  You’re husband senses you don’t really want to pray with him so he quickly says “Amen.”  You let go of each other’s hands and you’re both sorely disappointed and hurting.

If both or one of you tend to speak your mind, you’ll get into a fight right then and there.  If you tend to not verbalize your feelings, you’ll muddle your entire day with a heavy heart or just fall asleep angry.   Neither of you are motivated to make daily prayer a habit.

Sound familiar?

Praying with your spouse is deeply intimate, and leaves you in a very vulnerable place.  In some ways, it’s even more intimate and vulnerable than sex.  Problems with a couple’s prayer life can mirror sexual intimacy issues.  One spouse or both can feel like a failure. It’s hard to know how to fix problems when they arise, and it’s hard to make it a priority when things are going so poorly.

If you want a happy and healthy marriage though, you must pray together.

I was told before I got married to expect sex to be awkward at first, and expect it to take time for things to click.  I wish someone would have told me the same thing about praying with my husband.

So how exactly do you make daily prayer a habit in your marriage when it can be so hard starting out?  Here are a few lessons I’ve learned from our experience:

6 Lessons I’ve Learned About Prayer in Marriage

1) Expect awkwardness and push through it.

It’s very unlikely you’ll stumble upon your preferred way of praying together the first time.  Don’t let it stop you from praying together.

2) It is up to you who prays and how you pray.

Some couples go back and forth between prayer requests when they pray.  This did NOT work for my husband and me.  Rather than going back and forth, one of us says the entire prayer. Most of the time, it is my husband that prays.  Keep in mind it is very important for the husband to be the spiritual leader; he should be the one praying ½ of the time at the very least.

3) Don’t discourage your husband.

You should by all means express your frustrations with your husband when it comes to your prayer life, but do it verbally and do it kindly.  Don’t let out audible sighs or fidget during prayer (yeah, I used to do that a lot, sorry honey).  Rather, use kindly calculated words to try and fix the problems together.

4) Pray individually about developing a prayer life together.

When I got married I was used to praying on my own. I wasn’t used to sharing prayer time with anyone else.  A LOT of personal prayer went into developing the prayer life my husband and I have today.

5) Get into the habit of praying twice every day, and you’ll almost always remember to pray at least once a day.

The turning point for my husband and I happened when we developed a daily prayer habit and started purposing ourselves to pray every morning and evening. It still took time to push through the awkwardness, but praying striving to pray twice a day together helped this happen faster.

6) Remember the true power of prayer isn’t prayer itself.

Praying may seem like the magic key for holding a marriage together, but it’s not prayer that’s the key. The power of God behind the prayer is the key.  Prayer invites God into a marriage.  If you strive to glorify Him as a couple, you can rest assured that God will receive the glory.

Do you struggle or have you ever struggled with praying with your husband? Let us know in the comments.

KM Logan is a wholly inadequate but strengthened wife, mother, and writer.  She’d be thrilled if you’d stop by her blog KMLogan.com and say hi.

Live a poured out life for Christ,