Question and Answer time here on the blog today. In fact, most likely I’ll be responding to readers questions this entire month. (If you’ve sent me an email recently my plan is to answer you throughout the coming weeks. Thanks for your patience and grace.)
I’m writing to ask you for help. I have a lot of bad habits and bad thinking that just isn’t good for me or my relationship with my husband. For example I have been an extreme liar and it has caused a huge break in trust in our marriage. I’ve come to realize the horrible effect this has had on my relationship with him. What else can I do to begin to show him I’m faithful and trustworthy? Also, I don’t always have positive thoughts either.
~A Wife Who Wants to Grow in the Lord
Dear A Wife Who Wants to Grow in the Lord,
First, I commend you for desiring to grow in godliness! Second, I’m blessed to hear that you have come to realize that being deceitful and lying in your marital relationship does not produce good fruit. It sounds like you are learning to follow the things of the Lord and you’re desiring to please your Savior. You are wise to discern the errors of your ways!
Even though you are changing for the good, unfortunately, this does not mean your man will naturally embrace your new-found Godly character overnight. It takes time.
9 Steps to Becoming a Virtuous Wife
- If you haven’t already done so, apologize to him for your lack of honesty.
- Let him know you are working on becoming a virtuous and trustworthy wife and you’re desiring to gain his trust again. (To know why it’s important for a husband to have a trustworthy wife, read this post.)
- Ask him if he’ll be patient as well as gracious with you as your character grows in the area of integrity.
- Realize that as you are asking him to be patient and gracious with the change that’s taking place in your character, you need to be patient and gracious with him in trusting you. Change in one’s character takes time.
- If/when you’re tempted to lie to him again, but you’ve chosen not to, let him know you made the choice to be honest so he can see that you’re moving forward as a woman of your word. It’s okay to point out to him how you were tempted to sin, but the Lord gave you the strength not to. I believe this will cause him to ponder your actions and actually see that you are growing in this area of your marriage.
- Walk the talk! Just merely telling him you’re going to be honest is not the same as being honest.
- Rest in Christ. Allow the Lord to move in your heart as you seek to please Him. If your husband can’t accept the change that’s taking place in your heart, you can’t convince him otherwise. All you can do is walk honorably. At some point in his life he will see you are a virtuous woman. (Or he’s living in denial and his heart is hardened towards you. This is a sin issue on his part. As believers, we are to forgive one another. If he’s not willing to forgive you for your past mistakes, that’s a problem that he ultimately has with the Lord as well as the Gospel message. If this is where he is at spiritually, all you can do is live in such a way that is pleasing to the Lord and pray for your husband’s heart to be softened towards Christ and you.
- If there comes a time when you fall and you do lie to him, make sure you apologize to him immediately.
- Knowing why you should be truthful and Who this ultimately pleases will bring purpose and direction to your walk. By embracing the path of being a virtuous woman you’re bringing glory and honor to the Lord. God’s Word says you’re a delight to Him when you are truthful. If God sees your integrity and delights in you, your husband will as well. Just give him some time.
He who speaks truth declares righteousness, but a false witness, deceit. Prov. 12:17
Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal truthfully are His delight. Proverbs 12:22
Now it’s your turn. Anything else you can add to this list? Please share in the comments!
Live a poured out life for Christ,