1. I have had a similar situation in my marriage. I also received some very mixed messages from certain family members of mine. It reached a point that I would get off the phone so upset after talking with that person that my husband was ready to step in & tell them that unless they changed their tune they needed to stop calling. There were also things said by his side that required him to step up and defend me (he even told his father one time that the next time he (his dad) insulted me that the two of them could “step outside”.) Like this young woman I prefer to stay home with my hubby and kids. There is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like these people are jealous or are letting their love for her turn to fear and anger. Maybe getting involved in a newlywed’s group or some other couples groups at church might help her find some peace. And of course telling the person or people saying these horrible things to stop & they can no longer be apart of her life will help.

  2. I had the same problem with my family. They didn’t like my Hubby.

    I simply told them if they insulted my Hubby, they were insulting me. I would not engage in these types of conversations. If it didn’t stop, I left. I wouldn’t come over for awhile to show that I mean business.

    I even kept my daughter away from my parents to two weeks because of a argument over childcare. I told my Mom that certain rules weren’t to be broken. She wrapped my daughter up in a comforter and put her to sleep on her tummy. We did not do this. She was told not to do it and did. So she lost the time to visit with my daughter. Yes, this sounds harsh. But my Hubby was an EMT and went to several SIDS deaths and we did not use blankets or put her to bed on her tummy. That was our rule and we enforced it. I let some things slide, but this was a SET IN STONE rule.

    There has to be boundaries. Especially with difficult or even toxic family members. It isn’t easy.

    I too like to stay home and be with my family. I hear all the time that he is controlling. I don’t get it. I am way past the “wanting to go out with my friends” thing. I go to knit/crochet group at church once a week. Our daughter can come if she wants to. She usually like to stay with her Daddy and do something with him.

    When people are unhappy, they like to bring you down with them.

  3. My husband and I have been married now 24 years. We started out as high school sweet hearts. Needless to say my mother was very unhappy with my decision to limit myself to just this one “boy”. She was disappointed that I refused to date other people. She once told me that I acted like I was already married. Well we did marry much to her disapproval and for the first 10 years she played devils advocate. At first I had a really hard time with the loyalty issue. I tried to play both sides of the field so to speak. But I found that I was making myself and my husband miserable. My mother on the other hand was very happy to see our marriage suffer. If she could not split us up when we were dating she would settle for a divorce. I finally grew up, I finally got tired of all my lies, I took the bull by the horns, made the tuff decision to speak the truth to her. After that she disowned me. She told me she wished I had never been born. She said I was a Judas. She left a 7 page (legal paper) letter along with 30 pieces of silver ( quarters ) in my mail box. The letter basically said I sold her out and she wanted nothing more to with me or my “family”. I had a young son at this time and this was extremely painful. Over the next four or so years she missed out on my college graduation the birth of our beautiful daughter and the start of my career as a teacher, which is what she was. There were so many moments that I wanted and down right needed my mother but I made my choice…..My husband. Years of prayer to my ever faithful and wonderful Heavenly Father turned this evil destructive plan into a glorious dream. GOD IS GOOD! I changed school systems after my 3rd year of teaching. I got a position in our home town school. The second year at this school a position opened up for a teacher of her mastery. I made a phone call to her she applied for job, got it. She and I spent the next 10 years working in classrooms that were just feet away from each other. Our relationship was healed. She adores my husband. Has a wonderful relationship with her grandchildren. Life is good. I was given the opportunity to be with her right up to her retirement and she was able to see what healthy women I had become. She appreciates my life and sees that GOD has wonderful plan for me and respects the choices I have made.
    Now I would pray that your situation will turn out to be blessing for you and your family as well. To share with you what I have learned from experience is there were two very important factors: 1 fight and make a stand ” in Jesus name” for your husband ( he must be your choice) and don’t waver. 2 Be patient even into years ( with continual prayer) but never sacrifice your man for their appeasement. These friends/ family members happiness are not your responsibility. God bless you, the choice you make and hold strong to your faith in God and the plans you and your husband make for your future.

    1. Cindy, thank you for sharing your struggles as well as God’s redemption in the life of your family! He always knows what’s best for us.

  4. I told my husband the other day. Marriage is like taking two rough stones and rubbing them together every day until they are smooth stones. I bring conviction and light to his rough areas as he does mine. Mine is usually patience and mercy which he lacks sometimes. And his is thinking and speaking edifying things which I don’t always (and never complaining which I do). But some of his other weaknesses, like being an introvert and not liking to socialize at first really worried me. Because he doesn’t like social gatherings, it was difficult for US to fellowship or be involved in the church. I was torn because I feel that fellowship with the body is important in going after Christ but so is honoring your husband. We’ve since chosen to compromise, and it works for us. Many people saw him as anti-social and “plain” (one sister said he was too “vanilla” for me). But it turns out God knew better. He’s vanilla & I’m rocky road with whip cream and sprinkles! It brings a good balance to each of us. And plus, I feel even if he was the “wrong person” for you, when you got married he became the “right one”.

    1. Lauren, you are so right about when one feels as if they have married the ‘wrong person’ but once married– he’s the ‘right one’! 🙂

  5. You have to set boundaries once you decide to get married. He needs to talk to his family and friends and you talk to your family and friends. The first years are really honeymoon period and your changing and growing into your womanhood. However, family and friends do feel left out and its a grieving process for them. But you really can’t neglect them too because they feel slighted. Pick one day of the month where you do spend with friends. Set the rule we will not discuss my marriage we will enjoy our time together. The longer your married the more you will learn how to balance your time. Friendship is important too but you don’t need to discuss your husband he is no longer a boyfriend so now they conversations has to change.

  6. Well said, Jolene. You have to stand firm for your husband and family in times like this. Only God knows what is in your heart and I believe that God will never give you your husband if he’s not THE ONE. Continue your walk with Him, you are on the right track! 🙂 God bless you and your family!

  7. While I totally agree with everything here, I would hope that people aren’t vehemently opposed to even hearing the concerns of those we love. I’m young, and divorced, from a husband who was physically abusive. I got out, but looking back, my connection with others outside our marriage was severely limited and monitored. Not good!

    Years later, I’m in a relationship with a Godly man and we socialize a lot. It keeps things fresh, gives us something to talk about and when we socialize as a couple, it gives us a chance to work together, whether through cooking a meal as hosts or playing a game. I never realized how well we work together under pressure than when I threw a dinner party at my house and he came over to help.

    Both of our parents “like to stay at home” and have a nearly non existent social life. They have no spark and they are clearly just existing, rather than living. We always comment how we wished they all had a few friends to spend time with. Your spouse and kids can’t be all people to you. Spending time with others brings new life to a relationship, more time to fellowship and see things from a different perspective. If anything, spend time with friends to become a better parent. You’ll be more relaxed and your kids want that for you. I know we want that for our parents.

  8. My hubby and I have the boundaries down pat! It took people 8 or 9 years to get accustomed to hearing us say “no” to getting together for events, dinner, etcetera to ensure he and I had enough “us time,” but now they know it’s simply a part of our marriage. Anything that doesn’t draw us closer together, we simply will not do.

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