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Two years ago, my marriage was a complete mess. My husband was constantly working late, and some days we hardly had time for meaningful conversation. As a work-from-home mom, I felt tired and alone, with no one to share my ideas and dreams with. I was on anti-depression medication, and we went to several counselors to get our marriage work.
And then, there was the guilt!
I accepted Jesus as my Savior during my post graduation, but due to parental pressure I chose to marry a man who did not accept God as I did. When my marriage was on the rocks, I felt guilty for making the wrong choice of husband. I should have waited for God’s choice for me. And that led me to feel that this man was not the one God created for me!
I had picked the wrong person!!!
With my mind playing havoc, I took it all out on my husband. The main weapon I used was crying, just to make him feel inadequate. (I am now ashamed of that behavior.)
And yes, through all this I was praying and reading the Bible! What a hypocrite I was?!
And then one day, God intervened. He took away a big contract that was a major source of my income. I was totally devastated, because that was my security in the midst of my chaos – the idol I was holding onto.
God used that time to bring me closer to Him. God led my online searches to the right Christian blogs and articles. He used songs to speak to me; He wooed me back to Himself. It was the return of a prodigal daughter back to her Father.
As I started studying the Word diligently, He revealed the idols that had taken His place in my life. It wasn’t easy to remove them and place God in His rightful place. The major turning point in my marriage happened when I read a similar 31 Days to Love series at Time Warp Wife. And that’s how I came to know Jolene – it was her “Who is on the throne of your marriage?” article that totally changed the course of my marriage.
Fast forward two years and our marriage seems like a fairytale. My husband still hasn’t come to know the Lord personally (but I am sure he will!). It wasn’t my husband who changed… It was me!!!
There were many things God had to chip away (and it’s still in progress) but here are 7 tips that saved my marriage.
1. Make God Truly Your First
I made the mistake of depending on my husband for emotional security. I looked to him for filling my need to be loved and cherished. But the Word of God taught me that only He is my anchor and Savior. I just need Him TO BE COMPLETE!
2. Give Up the Feeling of Spiritual Superiority
This was a major stumbling block, as being a believer for the last 13 years made me feel superior to my husband. God showed me Psalm 36:2 which says, “For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin.” My spirituality made me blind to my own faults. I am as much a sinner as my husband is. How could I forget that?!
3. Respect Him and… SHOW it!
Do you want love from your husband? Then respect him. It was difficult for me to respect him when I felt like shouting. Eventually, it was simple compliments, small sincere actions, the right tone and body language that conveyed my respect. (Hint: outright flattery won’t work!)
4. Keep Your Mouth Shut
As a a former teacher, I have a tendency to correct and instruct. God taught me to listen more and speak less. When you feel like correcting or instructing your husband, REMAIN SILENT and ask God to cover him.
5. Thank Your Husband Often!
This is the easiest way to make him cherish you. Thank him for every single thing he does – from opening a door for you to giving you a good time in bed. I text and email him thank you notes, conveying how blessed I am to have him.
6. Be Submissive – Even in Everyday Things
I’m a very headstrong person, with strong opinions on everything. Submitting completely to my husband was totally out of my comfort zone. I cannot in complete honesty say I’ve mastered being submissive, but I am trying.
7. Pray and… Pray Some More
Praying for your husband is the ultimate love language. Stormie Omartian got it right! Prayer changed our marriage and gave it a new depth. I did a 31-day prayer challenge (again!) which covered all vital aspects of being a husband. I now ask him everyday how I can pray for him. He in a way feels secure that I have him covered with God.
These 7 tips helped my marriage a lot, but it was truly God who was the restorer. He is in the business of creating love stories that last. He worked in me and made me realize that my husband was indeed the perfect companion for me – my better half.
If you are going through a tough time in your marriage, seek God first and the rest will fall into place.