1. Love this and thank you. I have been working on this and have a question. If the husband does not know Jesus yet, is there anything different that a wife should do? <3

  2. What if it is God’s plan to have you surrender, with grace to What Is? What if your judgements of him are the greater sin? I often struggle with my opinions on what a good God-fearing husband should be and how God ought to tweak him so he is a better man. Then it occurred to me that, perhaps, it may be my hubris that derails God’s peace in my marriage more than my husband’s “failings” that are at issue.

      1. I’ve come to understand that being kind is more important than tweaking/nudging/correcting/manipulating for “a better outcome”. The paradox is that I get “better results” when I get out of the way. Ain’t that something?

        I’m touched that you were moved by my wee insight into my own conduct. Thanks for saying so.

  3. I guess in my experience, if a man is bent on being a failure, and/or selfish, there’s nothing a woman can do. Women who think they can change or “help” their husband are walking a tight rope. Pray for him, sure, and stay in the background on decisions, okay, but be forewarned expectation is the #1 cause of disappointment. In the real world, men who won’t move on making descions are cowards and lazy and lack a sense of responsibility. Some men, at least the one in my case, as time went on made descions without me, financial and others. It ended our marriage.

    This is a good list but just be sure to not expect it to be a check off list. You’ll be sorely disappointed constantly and he’ll resent it or worst of all YOU. It is not a woman’s place to change or fix your husband. If you feel you are doing this ask yourself what it is that you are unhappy about with yourself.

    Also it’s strange, my ex-husband, was the one who tried to change, really control, me. It wasn’t the other way around much. I let him be as he was until he started doing things that worked against the grain of building a healthy relationship and family life. I spoke up at that point. Ten years later he’s still doing the same thing to other women he’s been with. Oh the descruction that lies in his wake.

  4. Thanks so much for your encouragement! You mentioned giving your spouse a book about Godly leadership. Do you have any recommendations?

  5. For those wives who can look at that list and say, “Check, check, and check…sigh…I’ve been doing all these things…for years now. Surely there is something wrong with ME.” Hold on there sweet lady – do not miss a point that the author made (but didn’t make). She said, “In my own life I did not have Godly role models to help me to know how to be a Godly woman, wife and mother. I had to learn how to be a woman after God’s own heart…but I did have a desire to learn. However, I knew I needed help.” Yes, we must be teachable by others, God’s Word, and the Holy Spirit, but sadly, there are men who are unwilling to learn or incapable of learning, lacking the desire and/or willingness and/or understanding. We need to recognize that this is the case in some situations. If you are one of those ladies, I pray for you who persevere year after year after year. I pray that you do not fall into condemnation or depression. I will also pray that God gives you wisdom in when to step back and when to step up. I do believe in stepping back to allow a person to do as much as they are capable of doing; however, when a car is about to go off a cliff and peoples’ lives are at stake (especially young people’s lives), we as wives must ask God to give us wisdom and guidance. We also need to pray for Titus 2 men and women in our churches which are severely lacking.

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