When Your Husband is Attracted to Other Women
Immodesty is everywhere in our society.
You can find it on the billboards, t.v. shows, commercials, movies, driving through town, at a shopping mall and sadly even at church.
You can’t avoid the bare-skinned, tight-fitted, short skirts, and cleavage that is displayed all over the place and neither can a visually made man!
Not only are these women immodest, but some of them are down right gorgeous and it’s hard not to notice them! And I’m a woman saying this so imagine how a married man must feel!
Male or female, attractive people are just that, attractive, and sometimes you can’t help but
gawk notice them.
But what happens when your man’s eyes are on just about every attractive woman who walks into a room?
Sorry to say friend, but you don’t have too many options. It’s not like you can shield him from society or lock him up in a room so he’ll only have eyes for you.
Nor can you put extra clothes on these women and make them look ugly! And putting a bag over their head isn’t the answer either. (Wishful thinking, I know!)
So, what do you do? How do you deal with this issue?
- God made men to be visual. Your man is a flesh-filled, imperfect human being. He’s not Jesus. So this is one area where you’ll want to practice extending grace to your husband.
- Recognize the fact that you can’t control your husband’s flesh and you can’t control his heart. These two issues are a matter for the Holy Spirit. Let God do the work of transforming your husband’s heart.
But this perspective might help you in your situation…..
There’s a big difference between a man who finds a woman attractive and a man who is lusting after her. One is a sin and the other is not.
“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28
“Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids.” Proverbs 6:25
“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” Romans 13:14
When Your Husband is Attracted to Other Women
Here are some tips to help you out.
- Check your jealousy at the door. Let’s face it, there will always be someone prettier than us, so make sure you address any root issues of jealousy. Remember who you are in Christ and that you were made in His image; let Him speak to your heart so you can ward off the jealousy that might be brewing in your heart.
- Refrain from pointing out to your spouse how you think another man or woman is drop dead gorgeous. Essentially, it’s like you’re opening a window to let the Enemy come in and sow seeds of insecurity, jealousy, and potentially lust into your marriage. This seemingly innocent and fun people-watching activity doesn’t build up your marriage, nor you and your spouse in any way, shape or form.
- Do what you can to look attractive for your husband. (But be careful on this one because it can be a slippery slope, meaning your outer appearance should not become an idol.) Also, a wise husband will be understanding of a woman’s changing body and that’s when he should be gracious to her. Babies change things, illnesses and injuries change things, hormones change things, and of course the aging process takes a toll on a woman’s body. Beauty is fleeting.
- Don’t deprive your husband of your body. Let him see you in your birthday suit! Generally speaking, there is a reason why men find immodest women attractive….it’s because they are! These women are all dolled up and they’re showing their parts! Try doing this for your husband on a regular basis.
- Be vulnerable with your husband and share your heart with him. Let him know how it makes you feel when he is looking at other women, or worse yet, when he’s making comments about them in your presence! He may not even realize he is doing this or that it even bothers you.
Here’s a simple dialog you can have with him:
Hey love, I know there are beautiful women all over the place, and I wished I looked like some of them! I do realize that God has made you to be very visual, however, when I’m with you and you’re looking at these women, it makes me feel unattractive to you and it hurts my feelings. So can you do me a favor? Do you mind keeping your eyes on me when you’re with me? When you do that, I feel a great amount of love by you and I feel desired by you.
- Pray for your man and what he wrestles with. Don’t forget that we are in a spiritual battle and the Enemy would love to destroy our marriage.
“The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41
- One last tip, but this one is to help you help someone else’s husband. Be mindful of how you dress in public. Is what you’re wearing something that you would want another woman to wear around your husband?
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Perfectly timed but what if your husband bottles up and just won’t talk about this with you??
I have such a self loathing for myself because of my husband looking at other women and all he says in response to my vulnerability is “you go to the deepest darkest place and make yourself feel like crap!”
How do I conquer this? It drives me mad!!
Well, every wife (and husband) need to own their issues, whether it’s their insecurities or sin. Then we need to move forward and live in such a way where we consider each other’s feelings.
I really enjoyed reading this article and I wanted to add that it isn’t just a live person that he may be attracted to but pornography can definitely cause them to lust. I know that we must check our jealousy at the door and I see how jealousy can affect our relationship, but that made me think: If our God is a jealous God, then why can’t we be jealous that our husband is devoting his time and effort meant for his wife? Thank you for your time.
I’m on the verge of giving up because my husband having his second affair on the same woman this year. I don’t know what to do. My mom and my loved ones allows me to separate our lives for good. The saddest part is… I still love him that no matter what happen I still save our marriage. But what would I do if his living with her in one roof? We have two daughters. I am fighting. But I didn’t see his worth. He ignore me. Unfriend me. The worse part is I asked him if he still loves me…but I didn’t hear the most precious answer… thats the last time we talk. Now we are a month separated, I am living with my mom. Pain, struggling, loving him and letting him go is the only option to move on for now.
I absolutely love what your doing I would love to chat with you soon
This is the first time I am writing in a place like this..where women share what they are going through. I got married to a guy I was in a relationship with for 10 years.we somehow convinced our parents for our wedding I got married to him against my parents will. It has been almost 10 months that we are married but I am staying with my parents since the last 4 months. I got to know that he was cheating on me after 3 months of our marriage when i saw him messaging her.he stated that he met this girl 2 months before the wedding and said he was sorry that he continued entertaining her. He said he did it coz he felt I was never there for him. A month later I got to know that he was involved with another women,this time his cousin who is already married. I just couldn’t take it anymore and left him. We spoke with his pastor and family. He is just not talking to me since the last one month.no calls no mags.nothing at all. What do I do.
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