When Your Husband is Attracted to Other Women

Immodesty is everywhere in our society.

You can find it on the billboards, t.v. shows, commercials, movies, driving through town, at a shopping mall and sadly even at church.

You can’t avoid the bare-skinned, tight-fitted, short skirts, and cleavage that is displayed all over the place and neither can a visually made man!

Not only are these women immodest, but some of them are down right gorgeous and it’s hard not to notice them!  And I’m a woman saying this so imagine how a married man must feel!

Male or female, attractive people are just that, attractive, and sometimes you can’t help but gawk notice them.

But what happens when your man’s eyes are on just about every attractive woman who walks into a room?

Sorry to say friend, but you don’t have too many options.  It’s not like you can shield him from society or lock him up in a room so he’ll only have eyes for you.

Nor can you put extra clothes on these women and make them look ugly!  And putting a bag over their head isn’t the answer either.  (Wishful thinking, I know!)

So, what do you do?  How do you deal with this issue?

First, here are two things to help you better understand your man….

1. God made men to be visual.  Your man is a flesh-filled, imperfect human being.  He’s not Jesus.  So this is one area where you’ll want to practice extending grace to your husband.
2. Recognize the fact that you can’t control your husband’s flesh and you can’t control his heart.  These two issues are a matter for the Holy Spirit.  Let God do the work of transforming your husband’s heart.

But this perspective might help you in your situation…..

There’s a big difference between a man who finds a woman attractive and a man who is lusting after her.  One is a sin and the other is not.

“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Matthew 5:28

“Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids.”  Proverbs 6:25

“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”  Romans 13:14

When Your Husband is Attracted to Other Women

Here are some tips to help you out.

• Check your jealousy at the door. Let’s face it, there will always be someone prettier than us, so make sure you address any root issues of jealousy.  Remember who you are in Christ and that you were made in His image; let Him speak to your heart so you can ward off the jealousy that might be brewing in your heart.
• Refrain from pointing out to your spouse how you think another man or woman is drop dead gorgeous.  Essentially, it’s like you’re opening a window to let the Enemy come in and sow seeds of insecurity, jealousy, and potentially lust into your marriage.  This seemingly innocent and fun people-watching activity doesn’t build up your marriage, nor you and your spouse in any way, shape or form.
• Do what you can to look attractive for your husband.  (But be careful on this one because it can be a slippery slope, meaning your outer appearance should not become an idol.) Also, a wise husband will be understanding of a woman’s changing body and that’s when he should be gracious to her.  Babies change things, illnesses and injuries change things, hormones change things, and of course the aging process takes a toll on a woman’s body.  Beauty is fleeting.
• Don’t deprive your husband of your body.  Let him see you in your birthday suit!  Generally speaking, there is a reason why men find immodest women attractive….it’s because they are! These women are all dolled up and they’re showing their parts!  Try doing this for your husband on a regular basis. 
• Be vulnerable with your husband and share your heart with him.  Let him know how it makes you feel when he is looking at other women, or worse yet, when he’s making comments about them in your presence!  He may not even realize he is doing this or that it even bothers you.

Here’s a simple dialog you can have with him:

Hey love, I know there are beautiful women all over the place, and I wished I looked like some of them!  I do realize that God has made you to be very visual, however, when I’m with you and you’re looking at these women, it makes me feel unattractive to you and it hurts my feelings.  So can you do me a favor?  Do you mind keeping your eyes on me when you’re with me?  When you do that, I feel a great amount of love by you and I feel desired by you.

•  Pray for your man and what he wrestles with.  Don’t forget that we are in a spiritual battle and the Enemy would love to destroy our marriage.

 “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  Matthew 26:41

• One last tip, but this one is to help you help someone else’s husband.  Be mindful of how you dress in public.  Is what you’re wearing something that you would want another woman to wear around your husband?

Talk to your man about what I’ve shared here and get his thoughts on this as well!

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene