I have nothing to offer you today, because I hurt. I can’t encourage you or equip you or even inspire you to draw closer to the Lord because my spirit has been crushed. I know I should be writing my final post in my single’s series, but I can’t because I’m just empty inside.
As a Christian woman, my heart hurts.
As a mommy, my heart hurts.
As a friend, my heart hurts.
I know I’ll never be enough.
I will always lack.
I will always fall short.
But Jesus is always enough.
He is never lacking and He never falls short of loving us and meeting us right where we are.
And while I know all these things, I still want to run back into my shell where I’m protected and safe.
Where I am received by those that are closest and dearest to me.
Where I am loved and accepted and not criticized and condemned.
And quite honestly, I’m tired of reaching out to others and extending my heart to them because I know I’m risking getting hurt in the process.
However, I also know that putting up my walls is not something that the Lord wants me to do. No, that’s not the answer.
Jesus wants me to live for Him, but more importantly, He wants me to love others for Him, as well. And right now that’s not an easy thing to do.
So why write this post? Because I have to.
Something happens to my spirit when I write. With tears flowing down my face, Jesus shows up here and ministers to me. He soothes me and comforts me. I still can’t wrap my brain around why this happens because it makes no logical sense. I guess it’s kinda like when David penned the Psalms. He was pouring his heart out to his King and perhaps in some way I’m doing the same.
And maybe, just maybe as I pour out my anguish and cry out to the Lord and deal with the sick feeling that’s sitting in the pit of my stomach, Jesus will spill into you through this process? I do hope so.
Now being that my life is open for all to see, I need to moderate the comments for awhile. I hope you understand.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
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