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I Hurt

I have nothing to offer you today, because I hurt.  I can’t encourage you or equip you or even inspire you to draw closer to the Lord because my spirit has been crushed.  I know I should be writing my final post in my single’s series, but I can’t because I’m just empty inside.

As a Christian woman, my heart hurts.

As a mommy, my heart hurts.

As a friend, my heart hurts.

I know I’ll never be enough.

I will always lack.

I will always fall short.

But Jesus is always enough.

He is never lacking and He never falls short of loving us and meeting us right where we are.

And while I know all these things, I still want to run back into my shell where I’m protected and safe.

Where I am received by those that are closest and dearest to me.

Where I am loved and accepted and not criticized and condemned.

And quite honestly, I’m tired of reaching out to others and extending my heart to them because I know I’m risking getting hurt in the process.

However, I also know that putting up my walls is not something that the Lord wants me to do.   No, that’s not the answer.

Jesus wants me to live for Him, but more importantly, He wants me to love others for Him, as well.  And right now that’s not an easy thing to do.

So why write this post?  Because I have to.

Something happens to my spirit when I write.  With tears flowing down my face, Jesus shows up here and ministers to me.  He soothes me and comforts me.  I still can’t wrap my brain around why this happens because it makes no logical sense.  I guess it’s kinda like when David penned the Psalms.  He was pouring his heart out to his King and perhaps in some way I’m doing the same.

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And maybe, just maybe as I pour out my anguish and cry out to the Lord and deal with the sick feeling that’s sitting in the pit of my stomach, Jesus will spill into you through this process?  I do hope so.

Now being that my life is open for all to see, I need to moderate the comments for awhile.  I hope you understand.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  Proverbs 4:23

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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16 Comments

  2. My friend, while I am not sure what is happening to make you feel this way, please know that you are in our prayers. I pray that the Lord grant you peace. That He would renew your spirit and fill your life with His joy. Please let us know if there is anything that we can do….

  5. Sending you a big hug Jolene! Please let me know how I can be praying for you. The Lord is our Rock and our Salvation, our Stronghold, we shall not be greatly shaken. Hold on to our Rock, my sweet friend.

    ~ Chelsea <3

  6. Jolene,

    As I have posted before, you are a blessing to me. Every time my spirit has been low I read your blog and I feel God’s peace. I’m praying for God’s peace for you.

  7. Your blog is a true blessing to me and so many others. I am sorry you are hurting and know that I am praying for you Sister! Hold on to God’s promises and continue to be obedient to His calling on your life. He will sustain you, comfort you and give you peace!! I hope that your faithful blog followers that are truly walking with God will bring encouragement to you. God Bless You! ~Michelle

  8. He is Living, He will carry you in his palms. Dont worry sister

    Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

    Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  9. You are ministering to me and all my friends that I share with! What a blessing you are! Sorry you are hurting!

  11. I am a first time reader, and I would like you to know that you could have been speaking for me this week. You said how I have been feeling for quite a while. Thank you for your honesty, and for sharing. I am praying for you that our Shield will lift you up and allow the valley to only last for a short time 🙂

  12. We need your authenticity and your brave spirit so that we know we’re not alone when we hurt. Thank you for doing that today. You gave a lot. I hope you are doing better. Praying for you now.

  13. oh I will be praying for you I have just found your site 4 days ago and feel at home here and feel bless to have found you. God is there no matter what I have really found that out myself these last couple of days hang in and dont let go

  14. Jolene,

    Hang in there, I am suffering and hurting now too, but this time shall pass. Know that you are not alone. And you have been a blessing to me to know that I am not alone.

  16. Jolene, I just came across your blog last week and it has been such a blessing in my life. You are in my prayers. Stay strong, God will carry you through.

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