1. Thank you for this word. I too decided to stay and after 8 yrs. I still struggle with some bitterness that wants to pop it’s ugly head up every once in a while but I’m so glad I trusted the Lord to heal this marriage. I know he will!

  2. I found out on Valentines day that my husband of 18 years was in a relationship with an employee for at least the past year or more. I had known something was going on and yet could not find solid evidence, so I prayed God would reveal it to me and He did. I never dreamed he could do this act of betrayal and adultery. Yet, it happened. My whole spirit was in such shock that all I could do was breathe. I leaned on God through the most difficult time in my life and He was/is so wonderful. He gave me everything He knew that I needed. He spoke to my heart to forgive my husband like He forgives me. This was a process as my best intentions was to forgive and yet I found myself having to forgive him everyday. He would place Bible verses in my path and songs at the right time to encourage me. One verse that really stuck out was about one who shows mercy will be given mercy. I was reminded to place God above all my human nature and focus more on pleasing Him and looking towards eternity. Satan loves to attack Christians and the Bible tells us to expect these things. We need to be ready and decide how we will deal responsibly and God pleasing with the hurt. It has been about 8 months since the affair ended and we are redeveloping our friendship and marriage. This has been a struggle at times, but we keep getting back on the wagon so to speak. I look forward to the days ahead and I pray that God would bring my husband back to Him with a desire to please Him with all that he is. Stay in the Word and close to The Lord always. He is our joy, strength, rock, redeemer and wonderful counselor.

  3. Amen! Continue to lean on God and trust in Him! Forgiveness can be a difficult process but it is a necessary one and it is one that reaps huge benefits.

  4. Oh boy, this was like reading my own story. It started out as innocent emails with these women. He is a firefighter and so is a rescuer…after the 3rd one, we stepped back and took stock of our marriage, where we wanted to go and how to get there. I had to say some very hard things to him and to his last “fling” and because I am not confrontational this was quite a growth experience. I also had to hear some hard things-also a growth experience. The road has been hard but well worth it. Still have some things we are getting through but I love him more than ever and am so glad God led us to stick it out. God is good….and growing us each and every day!!

    1. I really appreciate what you said “i also had to hear some hard things.” It’s a hard concept to live through but even when we are the “innocent” party we still play a part in our marriage being at a place where it was ripe for infidelity to happen. There were needs that weren’t getting met and communication techniques that weren’t working and resentments that were piling up and affecting my way of interacting with my husband. We both play a part. I always said, “There but for the grace of God go I.”

  5. Thank you for posting this, me and my husband went through the same thing over 2 years ago. I did leave… for a day… but i realized i didn’t want to end my marriage over that. So I gave him another chance, we had another one pop up from before we were married, but he confessed instead of me finding out. But what made it so great to stay, was about 1 1/2 years after it happened, my husband accepted Jesus as his Saviour! and things have been a lot better since, we still argue and I still have my hard days and it will always be in the back of my mind but I try to leave it with God and let him handle it all. THANK YOU

    1. Jessica – you make a great point when you say “we still argue.” I could have easily added that into the list of “truths” that I felt led to share in this post. Marriages that God restores from infidelity aren’t magical and perfect. We’re still two imperfect human beings attempting to do life together every day. That will inevitably create all things human – insecurities, hurts, disappointments, anger. But… I think the thing that I can appreciate about having been where we’ve been is that when he do have those hurts or disagreements now we work that much harder at putting things back together because we never want to see our marriage get to place where infidelity is a possibility again.

  6. I was not so fortunate. My ex-husband had many affairs. He was also verbally & emotionally abusive. I stayed too, but ultimately he left me right after I had foot surgery. He left me when I was unable to walk and adequately care for my children. Shortly after leaving, he moved in with his latest fling, who was also married at the time.

    I wish things could have been different. I wish that he could see the damage his actions have inflicted. I can only assume He has something else in mind for me; and that He was protecting me and my children from further abuse. But I still pray for him, I pray especially for his spiritual healing and ultimate conversion (he claims to be Christian, but his actions obviously show otherwise; however, that is ultimately between him and God).

    I am so glad to see that God has restored these marriages. Praise God for His healing and for your acts of forgiveness.

    1. Heather – Thank you for your comment. I’ve always believed that restoration from infidelity happens in many forms. Even though some marriages do not heal from this crisis what is important is that your own heart heals and becomes restored.

  7. Yes. His was mostly e mails as well with some private meetings and seeing eachother at work. I knew that God would not allow this for nothing. God was using the difficult times for His glory and our good. I read the book Boundries and the book Boundries In Marriage. I highly recommend them. Highly. God has changed me in this painful process, but in order to get to the pure gold, one has to persevere through the intense fire to burn off the impurities. He is the Refiner, but He is also our strength and joy. Rejoice in your sufferings….He loves you too much to allow you to carry those impurities. He says, “be holy as I am holy.” He wants to present you to Himself as a radiant church.

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