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When Your Sex Drive is Higher than Your Husband’s

Physical intimacy can be such a complicated issue in marriage.  Usually, we hear the husband has the higher sex drive, but what’s becoming more and more common today is hearing how the wife has the higher drive.  This is what one woman is dealing with in her marriage. Here’s her story…

Dear Jolene

I am always looking for ways to strengthen physical intimacy with my husband but nothing seems to be working. I often find posts on how to desire your husband, how to desire sex, but not the other way around. I feel like I am the only woman to be married to a man who does not want sex as much as I do. We have been married for a year and a half and our entire marriage we have fought about sex. All of my married friends talk to me about how frustrating it is to have a husband that wants sex all the time, and it’s frustrating to me that they aren’t grateful for a husband that actually desires them! My husband does not look at porn (that I know of), he doesn’t work long hours, he doesn’t have an exhausting job, I’m not over-weight, I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want me. I feel completely unloved.

-Frustrated wife

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Live a poured out life for Christ,

Jolene Engle

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2 Comments

  1. I work in the natural health field and am thinking it is very possible that this young ladies husband has low testosterone. She may encourage him to get it checked by his doctor. There are many very good supplements that can help. It sounds to me like that may be exactly what the issue is. Just a suggestion.

  2. I, too, am a higher drive wife. Like the woman who asked the question, I’m not overweight (not that that matters too much because a lot of men still desire and crave their overweight wives), nor does my husband have an issue with porn. I have struggled with feeling inferior to all of my friends who wish their husbands would back off a little! I know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep wondering, WHY, why am I not good enough? I felt very ugly and very unloved, for a very long time. If I tried talking to my husband about it, he would get upset and feel badly about himself. I’m pleased to report things have gotten slightly better, but I am really unsure why. I still desire intimacy with my husband far more than he desires it, but at least now we talk about it and it’s improved slightly. He does have an incredible amount of work stress, but I’m not sure that’s a contributing factor. I mean, almost all men have work stress and they still desire sex. We did see a counselor, and it helped a little. It at least forced us to talk. I’ll be praying for the woman who asked the question. I understand how feeling like you are the only woman in the world who isn’t desired by her husband is an incredibly crummy feeling.

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