Today I spent some time thinking about you, dear reader. Yes, you. My recent post, 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn’t Want to Have Sex, has stirred up some openness in women as they’ve shared their hearts and hurts on infidelity, pornography, sexual abuse, marital/sexual problems, etc.
I’ve read countless testimonies and comments from hurting wives all over the internet and my heart is just broken for all who are in painful and struggling marriages. I literally wept for you. I know that sounds absurd, but it’s true.
Now let me just say right now that I’m not the weepy, overly-emotional, feeling-oriented, type of gal. And being a woman, I’m not sure why that is. I’ve often thought it was because I had more testosterone in my body than most women. Or maybe it was because I was raised with all boys and have boys myself. Soft and delicate are two words that are not common in my vocabulary. Or perhaps it’s all the walls that I’ve built around me that keeps me somewhat numb, closed off. I tell you all this because it’s not in my fleshly nature to be so open and compassionate to….a complete stranger. I’m more of the reserved kinda personality. Guarded is a better word for it. I tend to keep people at arms distance for fear that I might be rejected or attacked. Yeah, that’s how I roll. (And no, it’s not that time of the month for me, either!)
Anyways, I tell you this because God was moving in my heart for you. So I wanted to share with you something that will help you grow your marriage, no matter how good, bad or ugly it is.
It’s something that’s needed every. single. day. of. our. lives.
The Main Ingredient to Grow Your Marriage is……
To Grow in Jesus Christ.
Let me connect the dots for you on this concept.
If you’ll notice at the top of my site I have several topics related to marriage, as well as the topic for Single Women. There are also two other topics I want to point out to you: 1) Broken Vessels, and 2) Growing in Christ.
After years and years of chronic and debilitating illness, insert here: my life was over as I once knew it, and living through financial ruin, an IRS Audit, a lawsuit, and a foreclosure, (yes, it was a very fun time of my life to say the least!), these things will rock your world and I don’t mean in a good way. I write to you as a broken vessel; shattered would be a better term. And I believe that if any woman walks through life long enough, you’ll be a broken vessel as well. It’s just a matter of time. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
I think all marriages have an ounce (or shall I say, pounds!) of brokenness in it. Jesus makes it clear that no one is exempt from trials.
“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16″33
So we’ve got this in common… We’re broken vessels who are married. We’re gonna go through trials BUT we have Jesus Christ.
But how does that brokenness affect our marriages? Do we throw our hands up and say there’s no use in trying to fix our problems? Yell and scream at one another? Blame each other? Allow bitterness to grow in our hearts? Do we throw in the towel? Seek a divorce? Live parallel lives and stay married for the sake of the children?
No. None of those are the right answers.
Instead we need to turn to the Lord and grow in Him. Grow in His understanding, His wisdom, His love. His grace and mercy.
I have purposefully not gone down the path of being a marriage blogger even though one of the main things I write about is marriage, because I can’t just write on marriage! I have to write about THE SOURCE of marriage, which is Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is your strength. He’s your guide. He’s your comforter. He’s your refuge. He’s your counselor. He’s the source of EVERYTHING that you can possibly need in life. He’s the One who heals you and helps you to overcome your brokenness.
But in order to overcome your pain, whether it’s directly related to your man or not, you have to grow in Christ.
Let me explain a little more.
I’m in love with two men. Jesus Christ is THE MAN in my life and my Beloved husband is the other man in my life.
Jesus loves me unconditionally and He doesn’t have to even work at that type of love. My Beloved does have to work at that type of love because it doesn’t come natural to a flesh-filled man.
Jesus forgives me unconditionally and He doesn’t have a book where He keeps a record of my wrongs. My Beloved, on the other hand, does his best through Christ to be obedient to the Scriptures and not keep a record of my wrongs. Again, this is not easy for a flesh-filled man.
Jesus sees the good in me. He sees my heart. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. And He knows every single one of my dirty rotten sins. He knows every ounce of my being, and yet, He STILL LOVES ME! Now my Beloved is an honorable man and one that I do not deserve. He tries to emulate that Christ-like love that’s listed out for a husband, but of course like all men, he falls short. He’ll never be able to fully know me, love me, and accept me the way that Christ does.
My friend, Jesus has this same type of love and acceptance of you, as well.
Now here’s where my marriage has grown and what I hope to teach you about growing in Christ so you can grow your marriage.
The more I know Jesus, the more I fall in love with Him.
The more I fall in love with Jesus, the more my heart becomes like His.
The more my heart becomes like Jesus, the more I see my husband through the eyes of Christ.
Did you know that Jesus views our men through the same lens that He views us?
And when we have eyes like Jesus has for others…..our hearts are transformed into a heart like His!
It’s kinda like the heart I have for you that I described earlier. You are a stranger to me, yet, I have compassion and concern for you. So much so that I wept actual tears for you. Now I can only do that by having a heart for the Lord.
It’s imperative for the growth of your marriage to be intentional about falling in love with Jesus Christ. If you’d like to grow in your walk with the Lord, then join me as I continue to write a series on The Power of the Holy Spirit.
Live a poured out life for Christ,