1. In my opinion, excellent response to this poor sister! Cannot encourage enough about prayer for the husband!! We don’t have the power to change anything on our own. Through the gift of the Holy Spirit, however, we can move mountains! Pray on! I, too, will be in prayer for you.

  2. I have no advice, but I will lift your husband, your marriage and your family situation up in prayer!!! Trust in the Lord and He will sustain you!

  3. Pray for him and when you feel you cant push yourself. I so know exactly what you are going through and like Jolene said always speak to him out of love and not harshly because if you don’t he will tune out. Ill be praying for you and your husband both as you both really need it in this time. Great words of wisdom jolene 🙂 I love reading your blog.

  4. Just a different perspective here.. I took it to mean that her HUSBAND didn’t want her talking to anyone (pastor, family, etc.) or seeking counsel. I have been/am in a similar situation and my husband says that our personal life needs to stay private; nobody needs to know about our issues; we don’t need a third party perspective, we can handle things by ourselves; and it’s disrespectful to talk about him since it makes him look bad. (Even when my motives are completely pure, and I am trying to seek help and not just gossip.)
    Thank you for all the wonderful advice Jolene! I know this woman has to set these bondries since she is in potential danger due her husbands alcohol abuse and unsound mind. I went through this when my husband was addicted to crack cocaine. (He’s clean now.)
    But what do I do when I am NOT in any form of danger, but my husband is still an unrepentant habitual sinner who claims to be a Christian (though I’m not completely sure he truly is)? And he does not attend church with me (and has no Christian friends), so I don’t know how church discipline would work here.
    I guess my best option is still just to pray for him and continue going to church without him..

    1. Nellie that is all you can do. God has a way of talking to his heart and changing him when no one else can. My husband and I had seperated for 2 months and in those 2 months he was 10hrs away and would not speak to me but I prayed everyday through out the day for him and all of a sudden out of the blue things changed and he came home, got in church, and things have been great ever since. Never give up because God can change him.

    2. Hi Nellie,
      If a wife is not in any danger and the husband is wanting to stay in the marriage then your avenue to restoration is prayer and having a loving, sweet, and embracing attitude towards your husband. Because Helpless Mum’s husband proclaims to be a Believer, it is Biblical for her to lovingly confront him and then take the path of getting help from other Brothers in Christ if his heart is hardened towards the admonishment. I wrote a post about the Unrepentant Husband (who claims to be a Believer). Maybe what I’ve shared in it will help your situation. http://joleneengle.com/2012/08/20/help-im-married-to-an-unrepentant-husband-a-marital-oneness-monday-link-up/

  5. There are some excellent groups for problems with drinkers on Yahoo groups my husband is a recovering alcoholic who makes poor choices and I have learned so much from the experiences of others.Al anon only helps you with you but these other groups explain the thinking and why he thinks like he does.alcoholics friend is an excellent resource.Hope for today follows al anon.There is also a Richard Skeritt that has written much on the topic.God bless! I wish you the best.

  6. I’ve been in a difficult marriage for 22 yrs now, and the best advice [and the easiest to remember] that any one ever gave me was to ‘just love him’. And that is love in the biblical sense, 1 Cor 13 style. And by God’s grace this continues to help me throughout anything that comes my way. If we trust our Lord and love our husbands then He will be faithful to help us through all our difficult times, and guide our every step, wherever that may be.
    I thank God for you Jolene, I have also been blessed by your ministry…

  7. I can only share my own experience. After the passing of my mother-in-law, two years ago now, my husband began to walk away from the Lord. He began to use alcohol to numb his pain and his behavior changed dramatically. He got physical with me at one point and was even taken to jail.. The state was brought in to intervene. I have gone through the gamut of human emotion. I have two children, a daughter 18 from a previous marriage and our son 5, who has autism. My pastor was a real blessing to us and continues to encourage. I pray ceaselessly for his eyes to be opened. My daughter has gone to live with her father and it is painful to be separated from her. My suggestion is only what has worked for me…Trust your husband’s intentions. I am sure that his actions these days are not what he would intend them to be. Love and respect him as we are commanded… encourage him by telling him that you are there for him. However, even our pastor suggested a healthy separation at one point. Things are slowly improving now. I am believing for healing of the deeper wounds that he bandages with the alcohol. God’s timing is perfect and I will praise him in the storm. God bless you and please add me to the list of prayer warriors standing in the gap for your family…

    1. Hi Doreen,
      Thank you for sharing your situation as well as your encouragement and prayers for our dear sister! Praying for you and your husband, as well!

  8. If I heard of that happening in our church (the pastor’s response I mean), it would quickly be before the board and he’d be rebuked, if he wasn’t willing to listen, he’d be replaced. If the board didn’t listen, I’d find a new church. That’s just unacceptable.

    It’s a shame when people who are hurting turn to the church and are slapped down. We have such a large population in the world who have been burned, broken and bypassed by the church.

    I think that’s great advice. Any husband not willing to listen when his wife is hurting needs a rude wake-up call. I like how you don’t advocated divorce, but do encourage boundaries. I’ve shared the same opinion.

    1. Hi Jay,
      Yep, I agree about the Pastor thing (as does my husband!) Being that you’re a man, it’s nice that you’ve shared your perspective and commented here. Sometimes a wife feels like she should never seek help because her husband is saying it’s disrespectful towards him to do so. Well, here’s a newsflesh….his habitual and unrepentant sin is disrespectful towards God, his family, his wife and the Body of Christ. Many husbands want to stay in their sin and feel it’s okay to bring their wife down with them and they abuse their headship by crying ‘disrespect’ on the wife’s part. It’s funny how they hold their wife to a higher standard of Godliness then what they’re willing to hold themselves to.

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