1. Thank you Jolene for this post! I have this way of being contentious a lot and whenever I read Proverbs 31 it makes me sad because I know that in a lot of things I’m not like the woman Solomon describes in that chapter. Especially the part of being quiet and gentle. Way too quick there are bad words and not nice actions that come without even thinking. I regret it right after it’s said or done but it happens repeatedly.. and I really want to become a quiet and gentle woman. I don’t want my future husband or children having a hard time because of me.
    Again I want to thank you for showing a way of getting out of this bad habit.
    God bless you!

  2. I dont’ have a reply. But I would like to ask a question. Do you have a Bible study on being a submissive wife? I am a Christian wife and my husband has backslid. He constantly takes the Lords name in vain, among many other distasteful words. He is always angry with me over the smallest things. I have found out that he has cheated on me. He uses marijuana and smokes cigarettes. He is verbally and physically abusesive. I keep praying for God to change his heart, and whatever fault I have in all of this mess, that is our marriage, that God will show me exactly and help me to change. He tells me that I am sinning against God because I am not submissive to him. That I am supposed to be submissive to him, no matter what. Submissive to him means waiting on him hand and foot, to the extreme…..about the only thing he does besides work, is wipe his on tush.. Oh and we have been together for 11 years. 5 of which we lived together as sinners. We rededicated our lives to God and got married. We have seperated one time. We have counciled with our pastor….(when my husband still attended church) but his council went in one ear and out the other for my husband. The first 7 years that we were together, he only worked occasionally sometimes not for months at a time and only making minimum wage. He was not so aggressive then and seemed to be walking close with the Lord. But about 2 years ago he was brought up in court to pay about $50,000 in back child support. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and a daughter that he has never seen from a previous marriage….so he finally got a good steady job. BTW I am disabled because of degenerative disc disease and ptssd, chronic depression. I receive a Social Security check. His ex forgave him of the back child support so he didn’t have to pay it. ( His ex and her husband are Christians) Putting all of this in words before me and rereading it makes me very sad. I don’t know anyone that would take all the mess from a man that I have endured from him. No one understands why I don’t just leave him. I’m not even sure if I still love him the way a wife is supposed to love her husband anymore because of how ugly, hurtful and abusive he has been to me. But I just don’t want to break the vow that I made before God. For better or worse, til death do us part. Even though, he has plainly forgotten those words and that it was a vow to God. I just want to know what a submissive wife really is. And am I supposed to stay with a man that treats me like dirt just to honor my vow to God?

    1. Cathy, your husband sounds EXACTLY like my dad. By being abusive to you, he has ALREADY broken the vows and you DO NOT have to submit to that. Here are a couple things my mom saved on Facebook, from a page called I Will Stand:

      Abuse breaks the promise before God to love, honor, and cherish. You DO NOT have to stay in an abusive relationship. God never intended you to be a martyr to marriage and he never intended for marriage to be corrupted by abuse. If you are being abused and your abuser to change or admit they are abusive, it is OK to leave.

      And here’s the other one:

      Abuse destroys the sanctity of marriage. Abuse breaks the sacred vows to love, honor and cherish one’s spouse. It is complete abandonment of God’s will for the union he created between two people and it is like a slap in the face of God, who intended marriage to be a place that mirrors his love for us, not a place of bondage and fear. Leaving an abusive marriage is not against God’s will. Abusing your spouse is.

      Pardon me here, but based on your comment, it sounds like your husband isn’t saved and never was in the first place. I’m speaking from the experience of watching my mom and dad’s marriage of 28 years. I am going to recommend that if you are able to health-wise and financially, get a divorce. Once again, your husband has ALREADY broken his vows by being abusive, and you ARE NOT obligated to stay with him OR submit to him.

      Just asked God to make a way for you to leave.

    2. Dear Cathy,
      It breaks my heart that you feel that you are the one who should change. I’m sad for women who find themselves in abusive marriages. Not what God intended, and not what our Lord wants for us. We should feel healthy, joyful, connected, and should be able to thrive in our marriages as Christians.❤️

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