As a young child I cried A LOT. My nickname was ‘A bucket of water’. (Seriously.) After many years of growing up with older brothers I had no choice but to toughen up. Rug burns and bruises can do that to a gal, you know. So over the years I learned to stuff my feelings and put my walls up to protect my overly sensitive heart and the result of that was a young gal that was mean and one that fought often. In fact, I was sent to the Principal’s office twice during my elementary school years because of fighting!
The fighting in me continued on well into my teen years and then into young adulthood. Although I no longer used my fists, instead I used my words, and let me tell you, I would tear people up! Eventually the crying in me became less and less as more walls went up to barricade my heart. I found that place to be the most safest, so that’s where I stayed.
Then I met Jesus Christ and He changed my heart. He began to heal it and soften it. And He started to tear down the fortress that was surrounding it! (That was and still is a painful process!)
The concepts of fight or flight modes are very common in our relationships, (mainly marriage is where you see it most) so I want to develop them and bring in some examples from the Scriptures for you. This will be a longer post that I didn’t want to break up in parts, so stay with me here. Plus I want to present the right path, the path of vulnerability to help you in your relationships: marriage, parenting, friends, you name it.
Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear. John 18:10
An example of flight modefor Peter was when he denied knowing the Lord three times for fear he would be taken into custody just like Jesus. The man took off. He bailed. He ran away. Sometimes it’s just easier to not deal with things rather than to face them, isn’t it? Ya, fear does that to us sometimes.
But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are saying!” Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So Peter went out and wept bitterly. Luke 22:60-62
So this brings us to vulnerability. Sometimes I hate that word because it implies laying down my pride or bolstering up some courage. Either one makes me uncomfortable because I have to get over myself! Are you with me on this one as well, friend?Here’s a look into Peter’s vulnerability:
He (Jesus) said to him the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep. John 21:17
“Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.”
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Jolene
My Sister, you are so wise and I learn so much from your willingness to share from your heart. Thank you
It’s all the Lord, Shanda!
Have you read Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker? Much of what you wrote about here – the fight or flight – reminds me of his “Slippery Slope” concept.
Hi Elizabeth,
No, I have never heard of him.
Jolene, what a stunning way to describe a difficult concept! That’s another wonderful and beautiful way the Holy Spirit gifts us, with vulnerability. AND YES, I was surprised to hear you were mean. Praise God, he’s not done with any of us yet. I’m sure it’s been many years since you were mean spirited.
Pearl,
Ha ha, many years…..? I’m sure it was just yesterday my nasty, mean-spirited flesh jumped out of me! So glad the Lord isn’t finished with me yet!
What a wonderful post! I wrote a post of similar name several months ago, about how God designed physically and spiritually for the “fight or flight” response: http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/2012/02/fight-or-flight.html
God bless,
Laurie
Loved the post and I too know that Christ can heal. I will visit again. Here is my link: Living Waters by LeAnn – http://lgwilliams.blogspot.com
Jolene…love this! Really makes me think about how I react to different situations in my life and am I being vulnerable enough to allow God to work in me and through me, like He did with Peter? Thank you for sharing at WJIM.
Sooooo great! I am going to be sharing this with my womens bible study, we were just discussing walls that we’ve put up because of past hurts last night! God is so timely in having you send this to me tonight! Praise Him! Great post!
Thank you! This is just what I needed to read right now in my marriage!
God’s blessings!