I entered into the world of motherhood 8 days before my scheduled due date. The hyperactive lad that was in my womb decided it was high time to see the world. I’m convinced he used his foot to bust my water bag so he could escape from my womb. 🙂
Off to the hospital my husband and I went and 8 hours later my firstborn son arrived. Yet, there were a few problems that we encountered that we certainly didn’t expect. The first being that although I didn’t have any drugs to aid or ease in the delivery of my son, my boy couldn’t get out of the birth canal. Thus, the doctor resorted to doing a vacuum extraction several times with still no results. Then he looked at me and then looked at my husband and said if he couldn’t get the baby out on the next try then he’d have to do an emergency c-section.
My son finally came out but not without a cone-shaped head that was covered with multiple bruises. It wasn’t until 3 hours later that I got to hold him and see the aftermath of the delivery. Being that this was my first pregnancy and delivery, I guess what I experienced wasn’t normal and I would soon find out that many things ahead weren’t going to be normal either…
Like when my son wouldn’t latch on to me to breastfeed and all of the nurses on the floor called him a head-trauma baby. This is not something a new mom wants to hear.
Or like this statement, ‘Sweetheart, how much drugs did you take?”
“Um, none. I had no meds. I delivered him naturally,” was always the response I gave to every nurse that walked into my room and asked me that question.
“Oh, well your baby is acting like a drug baby.” Again, not a comment a new mom wants to hear!
A few days later my son still struggled to latch on to breastfeed and we didn’t know why. Not only was he having a hard time nursing, he would profusely throw up after each feeding. He had projectile vomiting issues for the next 9 months. (Taking him to a chiropractor uncovered the fact that his spine was misaligned, thus causing the vomiting issues.)
I remember just crying on a regular basis because of the physical pain and emotional pain of feeling like a failure as a mom. I couldn’t even nurse my own child. (A few years later I found out I had an auto-immune disorder of my glands, hence, why I couldn’t nurse my sons.)
And the constant projectile vomiting left me exhausted. All day, every day I was loading vomit-covered baby clothes, crib sheets, baby blankets, and my own clothes into the washer and dryer. My son would be covered in puke 4 hours after his last feeding and he’d be covered in it each morning when I took him out of his crib.
The reason why I share my story with you is because not only was it the beginning of my motherhood journey but there were so many issues that we faced that were completely outside of our control. Yet, I felt like a failure. I felt like I was doing something wrong. I had this brand new baby and I couldn’t even take care of him. I was trying so hard but I felt like I was just falling short. To say I was struck with fear would have been a gross understatement.
That baby boy will be turning 15 yrs. old next week and we have since faced many more obstacles in our lives. Some outside of my control and some not. There have certainly been instances where I have flat-out failed my son and I’ve condemned myself in the process.
I’ve had to learn to let go of my expectations, fears, and condemning lies from the Enemy so I could fully embrace God’s grace.
As a mama, I need to embrace God’s grace so my kids could learn how to embrace His grace as well.
Will you choose faith over fear in your parenting? And God’s grace rather than condemnation?
Let God work things out in your parenting, after all, He’s the perfect parent. All He asks of us is to shepherd our children to Him so they can know Him and experience His grace, love, peace, and hope.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 (NLT)
Join me next Wednesday for Week #5: Grace in Managing Your Home
Prior posts in this series:
Live a poured out life for Christ,
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